Complicated
by BroodyBlondes4ever
Summary: When her life gets turned upside down, she runs away from everything she's ever know...but the secret she leaves with will stop her from ever forgetting the place she once called home...R&R please!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Unfortunately i dont own anything. One Tree Hill and all it's characters belong to the WB.

One. It was the number that had always plagued her life. She had _one _mother, who ran _one_ red light, and died in _one_ instant. Her dad woke her up at 1 AM and told her _one_ thing which in _one_ moment changed her entire life. She dated _one _guy who wanted her for _one _thing, and she gave it to him. She had _one_ best friend who loved _one_ guy, but when she let out _one_ emotion she made _one_ mistake. There was _one_ accident followed by _one_ breakup which broke _one_ heart. Soon, _one_ device that exposed _one_ secret which had _one_ major consequence, she lost her _one_ friend. They had _one_ fall out and she turned to the _one_ person who was always there. She slept with him _one_ time and now she had _one_ fear.

Peyton Sawyer paced her room frantically, the events of the past month screaming in her head. She and Brooke had always sworn to never let a guy come between them and she messed up. She ruined their friendship for something that would never work.

She looked around at her smudged white walls. She had taken all her drawings down, they reminded her of too many things. The only trace that they were ever there were the small tape marks and the charcoal and oil smears left behind.

She looked down at her long slender legs. Her bruised knees were bony and oddly shaped, a quality she had inherited from her mother. Her blonde curls formed ringlets around her thin fingers as she moved her hands through her hair. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, desperately hoping to relax herself. She sat on her bed, enjoying the warmth provided by the soft comforter beneath her. She unconsciously brought her hand up to her mouth placing the nail of her thumb in one of the grooves of her off white teeth. She slid it back and forth getting lost in the repetitive sound it created. Click click click. Click click click.

The sudden beeping overpowered the soothing clicks as she snapped her long neck towards the small grey watch laying on her night stand. She picked herself up reluctantly and walked towards her computer. Her eyes wondered down and scanned the desk briefly. Her frail fingers shook as they crept along the edge of the desk, suddenly sliding over and tracing the smooth cheery oak wood. They climbed slowly over the white mound before them as her thumb clasped around it, allowing her to pick it up. She closed her eyes and let the tears burning behind her closed lids. She opened them slowly as the salty wetness slithered down her smooth face. She toyed with the instrument in front of her before flipping it over to face her. Her eyes cautiously shifted down to her hands.

For once she wished that _one_ was what she saw below her. But it wasn't. There was a new number to plague her life. She felt the warm moisture that crashed into her hand and then slid down, trailing around her wrist and finally dropping to the carpeted floor. Peyton looked down at the _one _little device which possessed the _two_ crossed blue lines that would change her life forever.

Okay let me know what you think and if i shoudl continue.


	2. Chapter 2

Peyton walked slowly down the deserted street. She let the wind blow through her hair, making her curls fly around her face. She pulled her jacket tighter around her slim frame as a chill traveled through her body. Peyton came to a stop as she turned and looked at her destination. This wasn't where she wanted to be but she didn't have a choice, she had to tell him.

Peyton walked around River Court until she reached the basketball courts. She watched Lucas look out over the water and her gaze followed his, admiring the reflections of the sky. Peyton took a deep breath, trying to prepare herself for what she was about to do. She ran her hands through her hair and forced her feet to move in his direction.

Peyton tried to build up whatever courage she could, but it all vanished when she saw what Lucas was really looking at. There, sitting on the picnic table in front of him was Brooke, her former best friend. She could hear their conversation and she wished that she hadn't. Peyton had stopped walking and she could feel her stomach knotting as she saw Lucas reach out and gently touch Brooke's shoulder. She cradled her body as she felt the cold surround her. She pushed back all the tears that were threatening to fall and turned around.

"So this is why you showed up here in the first place." Peyton spun around as she heard Brooke's screaming voice. Peyton looked at the brunette, who was pointing a finger accusingly at her. Lucas turned around to see Peyton standing at the edge of the court, looking like a deer caught in headlights.

"Brooke…" Lucas called out to the brunette as she grabbed her bag from the table. She turned to glare at him and Peyton knew that she didn't belong there.

"Don't even say anything Lucas. I hope you and that backstabbing whore have a happy life together. I don't need anything from either of you so just stay the hell away from me." Brooke turned to leave but Peyton ran up to her and grabbed her arm. Brooke pulled away and glared at the blonde in front of her. "Do I know you? Oh yeah, you're that lying bitch that called herself my best friend." Peyton stared down at Brooke's sour face.

"Lucas didn't come here to find me, he didn't even know I was coming. I came here to find him and tell him that things are over for us. It looks like I got here just in time because apparently you two have a long road ahead of you." Peyton gestured down towards Brooke's stomach. "Look I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you two and I just want you to know that I'm gunna leave you alone now. Lucas, Brooke really loves you so just stop thinking that you want me because she's the one for you. She loves you more than I ever could so give it a try alright, she's not gunna hurt you. And Brooke, you're gunna need help, you can't do it all on your own. If I'm not in the picture messing with his head than Lucas will be completely devoted to you, so forgive him so you two can get past this. You tow both came from pretty messed up backgrounds, don't bring a child into this world unless you know you can both be there, and that he or she isn't gunna grow up with a million and one issues like the rest of us did. It wouldn't be fair to them."

Peyton looked back and forth between Lucas and Brooke as she waited for some kind of a response. When nothing happened she moved forward and hugged Brooke tightly. "Don't give up on him. He's one of the only good guys in this town and you deserve him. Take care of yourself Davis." Peyton pulled away from the brunette whose look had now softened as she turned to stare at Lucas. Peyton made her way over to Lucas and gave him a quick hug. "She loves you and she needs you so don't hurt her again okay" Peyton pulled back and forced herself to smile as her heart shattered like glass.

Peyton gave one last look at Brooke before she turned and walked away leaving everything she had known as her life behind. The only thing that Peyton really wanted was to be remembered somewhere in the back of Lucas's mind. She looked up at the sky as she walked home and let the tears that had been building up fall free from her eyes. Lucas had changed her life in a way she didn't know was possible. He taught her how to love again and her was her reason to get up in the mornings. She kenw how hard things were gunna be but if she could atleast remeber Lucas she would be able to get through. It she could remeber his smile and his face and his smell, if she could remeber the little things it would be like he was still there holding her in his arms. "Please don't let me forget him…" the blonde whispered as she closed her front door behind her, ready to leave her past behind.


	3. Chapter 3

Peyton walked towards Karen's Café early that morning. She tried to forget about the events of last night but she couldn't. She reached her hand out and pulled the door open and stepped inside, but she quickly turned around when she caught sight of Lucas sitting at the front counter. She pulled her jacket tightly around her and started home again.

"Peyton…" She didn't need to turn around to know who it was. She just continued walking, hoping that he would get the hint and go back inside. "Peyton come on, we need to talk"

"About what?" She continued walking but quickened her pace.

"I think you what" Peyton stopped walking and turned around to face him, her hair blowing carelessly in the wind.

"No I don't know so why don't you tell me Lucas. Oh and do me a favor and talk fast because I have places to be." Her voice was harsher then she intended but she didn't care. She wanted Lucas to leave her alone and if walking away wasn't gunna do the trick then yelling at him might.

"Well a minute ago you had to be at the café but that changed when you saw me so I guess you have time to spare." Lucas walked up to her and looked down into her eyes but she bowed her head down to the ground. "Peyton what was that last night?" He asked, his voice soft and nervous.

"The truth." She whispered as she shoved her hands into the pockets of her faded jeans.

"The truth. You can do better than that." He looked at her and waited. Lucas knew that had to more to it then that she wanted to see Brooke happy. "Why wouldn't you give us a chance? You didn't know about the baby until after you showed up so that can't be the reason." He bit his bottom lip and continued to stare at her.

"Look what does it matter now anyway? You have a family now Lucas so there can't be an us. It doesn't matter why I made the decision because the fact is the only reason you need is Brooke and your child." Peyton shook her head and turned around to walk away but Lucas grabbed her arm.

"Peyton that's not good enough for me. I wanna know why you gave up on us, Brooke is not gunna be your excuse. Peyton I want a real reason." Lucas let go of her arm and took a deep breath. He knew that he had to be there for Brooke now, but he needed to know why Peyton had initially made her choice.

"I told you already, you don't need another reason." Peyton turned around again and started to walk off.

"Yes I do" Lucas said as he grabbed her arm again.

"BECAUSE I NEVER LOVED YOU, OKAY." Peyton tore her away from Lucas's grasp and stood back to look at his shocked face. She could feel the guilt eating away at her but she knew she had to do it.

"I…don't…believe that." Lucas stuttered as he gazed at Peyton's blank face."

"It's true. It's a game Brooke and I always play. We take a guy and see who gets him, but it didn't exactly work this time. You see, she fell in love and I was determined not to lose. It was a game to me Lucas, that's all. I'm sorry that I did it because I didn't realize how much it was gunna hurt people." Peyton looked up into his blue eyes and she immediately wanted to take all the words back but she couldn't. It wasn't a complete lie, Brooke and her did play those kinds of games and Lucas was their next target. The only detail Peyton changed was the fact that it remained just a game, because somewhere in the beginning she had fallen in love with him. "Lucas I'm sor…" She reached out to touch his shoulder but he waved her hand away and cut her off.

"I don't want your damn apology Peyton. Just stay the hell away from me. Have a nice life, but keep in mind that I don't wanna be a part of it." Lucas glared at her and shook his head before turning and walking back to the café. Peyton just watched him walk through the doors and out of her life.

She turned around and walked home as the tears slid down her pale face. This wasn't how things were supposed to turn out. She didn't want Lucas to hate her and she didn't want to remember his face from just moments ago. The pain and the disgust he had shown her were not what she wanted to think about, it wasn't the Lucas she had grown to love.

Peyton stayed home for the rest of the day because she didn't wanna take the chance of running into Lucas again. The next morning Peyton didn't want to be inside anymore so she went out into town. She walked around and looked into various stores but nothing seemed pleasing to her.

She drove over to the mall but she wanted to leave as soon as she stepped inside. The first thing she saw was Lucas with his arm around Brooke as they looked into the window of one of the baby stores. Lucas caught sight of her and pulled Brooke closer to him and kissed the top of her head lightly. Peyton watched her best friend smile and point out different things. It broke Peyton's heart to know that she would never be able to do those kinds of things with Lucas, that she was gunna have to do it all on her own.

Peyton stormed out of the mall and drove home. She ran into her house and down to her basement. She looked around until she found what she was looking. She wanted Lucas back but she knew that she had screwed up. He wasn't an option to her anymore and there was nothing left for her. She knew her two options and as much as one tempted her she chose the other. Peyton came up from her basement and looked around her house. She closed her eyes and walked slowly up to her room, confident in her decision.

****

**You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew  
But I don't care for sugar, honey, if I can't have you  
Since you've abandoned me  
My whole life has crashed  
Won't you pick the pieces up  
'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass  
Walking on, walking on broken glass  
Walking on, walking on broken glass  
The sun's still shining in the big blue sky  
But it don't mean nothing to me  
Oh, let the rain come down  
Let the wind blow through me  
I'm living in an empty room  
With all the windows smashed  
And I've got so little left to lose  
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass  
Walking on, walking on broken glass  
And if you're trying to cut me down  
You know that I might bleed  
'Cause if you're trying to cut me down  
I know that you'll succeed  
And if you want to hurt me  
There's nothing left to fear  
Cause if you want to hurt me  
You're doing really well, my dear  
Now everyone of us is made to suffer  
Everyone of us is made to weep  
But we've been hurting one another  
And now the pain has cut too deep . . .  
So take me from the wreckage  
Save me from the blast  
Lift me up and take me back  
Don't let me keep on walking . . . don't let me keep on walking  
I can't keep on walking on, keep on walking on, keep on  
Walking on broken glass  
Walking on, walking on broken glass  
Walking on, walking on broken glass  
Walking on, walking on broken glass  
Walking on, walking on broken glass**

A/N: okay thats it for this chapter. The song is Walking on Broken Glass by Annie Lennox. Don't forget to review!

****


	4. Chapter 4

Peyton let the wind blow through her hair as sped down the highway with her music blaring. She continued trying to forget about Lucas and Brooke, everything in Tree Hill, but no matter how hard she tried her thought would always return to the place she left behind. She wouldn't call it home because it hadn't really been home since her mom died. Her dad was never there and she was always alone. Most people thought that's what she wanted, sometimes she thought that too, but having people around her made her feel wanted and that was a good feeling. She would never let anyone know that though, not even herself because letting people in led to getting hurt.   
  
Brooke had learned that the hard way when she let Lucas in. She finally opened up to someone only to have her heart ripped out by none other than her best friend. Letting Luke in had only gotten Peyton hurt as well. It was good well it lasted but that one stupid night was the reason she had to leave. She was trying to make amends for everything she had done to people over the last couple of months. Her leaving would help people move on with their lives and be happy.   
  
Peyton knew that most people wouldn't really care that she was gone. That was either because they didn't know her, which applied for most people, she had betrayed them like Brooke, or in Luke's special case, she had told the everything they had, the love they shared was no more then a cruel game. Haley and Nathan are would be the only two who would want her to stay. She could hear them telling her that everything would be all right and that there were other alternatives, especially Haley. But the only other alternative didn't only affect her, it affected someone who couldn't protect themselves yet so that removed that option.   
  
Peyton didn't want to put up an act anymore. She didn't want to have to worry about whether she had told people the lie and given the same excuse for what was bothering her. She hated the fact that she had to lie to Luke but there was no other way. Peyton knew that Brooke was going to need him more, after all Peyton was used to having to fend for herself. She didn't want people to think she was perfect, it was all just an illusion, and it was one that she couldn't uphold anymore. She tried to bend and mold herself to fit every one's demands but she finding that she just couldn't bend anymore. She was being pulled in every direction and there was no where left to turn, nothing left to do but break away, even if it meant leaving the ones she loved behind.   
  
Peyton didn't know where she was going, she was just driving. She had gotten onto the highway and decided to turn on exits according to the alphabet. The first exit she got on was headed to Amsterdam (made up name like the rest of them are gunna be). That put her on another highway until she reached an exit for Belleview Lane. Once she got off there she was just driving straight and now she was busy searching for a street that started with C. She was hoping that it was a sign that led her to another highway because that would lead her further from Tree Hill and the further she was the better. Peyton Sawyer was taking back her life and making it the way she thought it should be instead what everyone else wanted it to be. She couldn't please everyone and she was done with trying. She spotted a sign that pointed to I-95 for Canopy Bay and she turned to continue her journey to wherever fate lead her. She only hoped fate didn't take her back to Tree Hill, but no matter what she had made up her mind and now there was no turning back.

**When I pretend everything is what I want it to be   
I look exactly like what you always wanted to see   
When I pretend, I can't forget about the criminal I am   
Stealing second after second just cause I know I can but   
I** **can't pretend this is the way it'll stay I'm just   
(trying to bend the truth)   
I can't pretend I'm who you want me to be, so I'm   
  
[Chorus]   
(Lying my way from you)   
No no turning back now   
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)   
No no turning back now   
(Let me take back my life,I'd rather be all alone)   
No turning back now   
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)   
No no turning back now   
(The very worst part of you is me)   
  
I remember what they taught to me   
Remember condescending talk of who I ought to be   
Remember listening to all of that and this again   
So I pretended up a person who was fittin' in   
And now you think this person really is me and I'm   
(Trying to bend the truth)   
But the more I push the more I'm pulling away 'cuz I'm   
  
[Chorus]   
(Lying my way from you)   
No no turning back now   
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)   
No no turning back now   
(Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone)   
No turning back now   
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)   
No no turning back now   
(The very worst part of you)   
(The very worst part of you is ME)   
  
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would   
have you running from me   
Like This   
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would   
have you running from me   
Like This   
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would   
have you running from me   
Like This   
This isn't what I wanted to be, I never thought that what I said would   
have you running from me   
Like This   
  
[Chorus]   
(You)   
No turning back now   
(I wanna be pushed aside so let me go)   
No no turning back now   
(Let me take back my life I'd rather be all alone)   
No turning back now   
(Anywhere on my own cuz I can see)   
No no turning back now   
(The very worst part of you)   
(The very worst part of you is me)**

The song is Linkin Park's Lying From You. 


	5. Chapter 5

Peyton had been driving for nearly 4 hours and was now looking for a street that started with Y. She ahd skipped over X and just found two Ws because she knew that she would be going forever if she tried to find and X. She was beginning to doubt the Y but then she found Yorkshire Drive. Peyton gave a satisfied smile and made the turn. Just as she began searching for a Z her cell phone rang. She looked down and felt nervous. She didn't want to talk to anyone especially someone from Tree Hill and chances are it was someone looking for her because they noticed she wasn't home and neither was her stuff. She reached for her phone and reluctantly flung it open.  
  
"Hello" Peyton said cautiously she was hoping it was just a wrong number.  
  
"Peyton…" the owner of the voice was definitely in a good mood form what Peyton could hear.  
  
"Hey Hales…" Peyton was happy it was Haley but that also worried her. She didn't want anyone to know where she was and Haley had a way of getting people to tell her things. It was almost like a skill she had mastered throughout her life. Peyton couldn't help but to laugh at the thought. "What's up."  
  
"Hey Peyt, um I was wondering whether you wanted to go to the mall with me because Nathan is taking me out to dinner and I was going through my closet and I couldn't find anything to wear so I figured I could buy something and I'm not the best at getting ready making myself look more than casually and I figured you'd would be the perfect person to help me and its just that we've never gone anywhere like a real date before and I just want to look nice and for everything to go perfect and if he thinks that I look bad then the rest of the date might turn out bad and I just want our first real date to go absolutely perfect and…"  
  
"Hales" she tried to interrupt but Haley just continued talking.  
  
"If you don't wanna do it its okay I'll understand it might be weird for you and all cause he's your ex I was just hoping that you would be okay with it but if your not comfortable I'll just find something on my own I know that…"  
  
"HALEY" Peyton screamed into the phone and finally got the other girls attention.  
  
"Yeah" her voice was quite and Peyton could tell she was nervous.  
  
"You can breath" Peyton gave a small laugh as she heard Haley let out a deep breath over the phone.  
  
"So can you help me?" Haley asked Peyton pleadingly. She wanted everything to be perfect for her and Nathan and she was afraid that she'd mess up somewhere.  
  
"Hales I'm sorry but I can't…I'm…in the middle of something." Peyton said trying to think of something to say. She wasn't ready for people to know that she left yet.  
  
"Ohh…that's okay, I understand but like I said I'm sure I have something here." Haley gave a small laugh but Peyton could tell that she was upset. Her and Haley had just started to get along and they were forming a great friendship and now Haley probably thought that it was all fake. Peyton didn't want Haley to think that she didn't care about her because she did and if she was in Tree Hill she would have been more than glad to go shopping with Haley.  
  
"Haley if I tell you something you have to promise me you won't say anything to anybody…nothing to no one." Peyton wasn't sure if she should tell Haley but she didn't want to seem like a bad friend or anything.  
  
"Okay…" Haley said in an unsure voice. "I promise I won't tell anyone."  
  
"I left Tree Hill…the something I'm in the middle of is driving. Please don't ask where I'm going because I don't know yet and when I do find out I don't want anyone to know. I'm sorry for not telling you that I was leaving but I was kind of just an on the spot decision." Peyton waited for Haley to answer, her only hope was that Haley kept her promise.  
  
"Why...is this about Lucas and Brooke?" Haley questioned. She had seen the two walking around town and to be honest she didn't like it. Luke had changed when he started dating Brooke and when he finally started to go back to the way he was he was hanging out with her again and to Haley that only meant trouble.  
  
"No" Peyton lied "I just needed to get away from things, Hales you're not gunna tell anyone right." Peyton asked needing reassurance.  
  
"No but I really think you should come back." Haley pleaded with her. She never really had any friends other than Lucas and he wasn't the same now. She had Nathan but he still wasn't the same as Peyton. Haley had been really excited about spending the afternoon with Peyton. She wanted Peyton there to help her get ready, to tell her what looks good and help her do her make-up. Those were all things that regular high school girls did and Haley was finally getting her chance but now it was gone.  
  
"I can't Hales, I messed up really bad back. Lucas isn't the only one who's changed and I don't like the person who I'm becoming. I've cause pain for a lot of people Haley and I've betrayed a lot of people too and that's not something I'm proud of. I'm not someone my mom would be proud of and I don't want that." Peyton didn't know where any of that came from but she knew it was the truth.  
  
"Okay but promise me that you'll call me tomorrow and tell me that your okay, even if you don't tell me where you are." Haley could understand Peyton's point and when she mentioned her mom she knew that nothing she could say would bring Peyton back.  
  
"I promise and Haley go to my house, the key is under the last flower pot. I left something in my closet; you should be able to find a black dress. Its simple but with the right jewelry it looks really good. I think a pair or drop earrings and a nice necklace should do the trick. The necklace shouldn't have a pendant but it should…you know what look inside my dresser I left a Teen People magazine in the top drawer. On the second page I saw this necklace that twist and it looks almost like it's sparkling and it would go perfect with the dress. So take the trip to the mall buy the necklace and earrings and if you don't have any, shoes to match… probably heeled strappy sandals would be best. After go to my house and get ready and then take a picture with my web cam and then email it to my phone. Any addible things you need I'll let you now…now go, it's getting late." Peyton smiled satisfied to herself. She had heard the disappointment in Haley's voice and she hoped that this at least helped her feel better.  
  
"Oh my God…thank you sooo much Peyton. So I'll email you the picture when I find everything. I'm on my way to your house now. Once again thank you and you're a life saver." Haley smiled as she drove to Peyton's. She was still upset that they wouldn't be able to do this together but at least Peyton still could help.  
  
"Have fun tonight Hales and when I call tomorrow I want to know how everything went. Now go shop!"  
  
"Talk to you tomorrow Peyt." Peyton hung up the phone and laughed lightly. Talking to Haley made Peyton realize that she was going to miss Tree Hill and at least some people were going to miss her. However, like she told Haley she had messed up back there and now there wasn't anything there for her. She regretted the past year of her life but now she was gunna try and make things better for herself.  
  
  
**I'm full of regret**  
** For all things that I've done and said **  
**And I don't know if it'll ever be ok to show **  
**My face 'round here **  
**Sometimes I wonder if I disappear  
**** Would you ever turn your head and look **  
**See if I'm gone **  
**Cause I fear ** **There is nothing left to say to you **  
**That you wanna hear **  
**That you ought to know **  
**I think I should go **  
**The things I've done are way too shameful  
**** You're just an innocent **  
**A helpless victim of a spiders web **  
**And I'm an insect **  
**Going after anything that I can get **  
**So you better turn your head and run **  
**and don't look back **  
**Cause I fear  
**** There is nothing left to say **  
**To you **  
**That you wanna hear **  
**That you ought to know **  
**I think I should go **  
**The things I've done are way too shameful  
**** And I've done you so wrong **  
**Treated you bad **  
**Strung you along **  
**Oh shame on myself **  
**I don't know how I got so tangled  
  
** Let me know what u think the song is tangled by ,maroon 5  



	6. Chapter 6

She opened the door to the small motel room. It similar to the one that she had shared with Lucas the only difference was that he wasn't there. She had tears forming in her eyes as she closed the door and leaned back against it, her suitcase gripped tightly in her hand. Zearling was a small city along the coast in Virginia but more importantly it was Peyton Sawyers new home, her new life. All she could do was pray that the drama of Tree Hill was behind her, but as she looked down at her stomach she knew that was never gunna be possible. She was carrying a piece of Tree Hill with her, the part of Tree Hill that she was trying to forget was a part of her.

Her legs propelled towards the chair by the window and she threw her suitcase down in it before collapsing on the bed. She unclipped her cell phone from her waist and set it on the nightstand at the head of the bed. Her long legs hung off the side as she closed her eyes and tried to make her body relax. She focused her mind on the parts of the city she had seen when she drove through. It was small but still busy which was good because it meant that she wouldn't have a hard time finding a job. Her only problems was going to be finding somewhere to live, she didn't have the money to buy an apartment and she couldn't live out of a motel but for so long. Her eyes remained closed as her thoughts took over and when she opened them she was surprised to see the sun peering in through the window.

She rubbed her eyes and looked around, forgetting where she was at first. It was when she sat up and saw her suitcase that she remembered the events of the past few days. She inhaled deeply as reality finally set in and she was forced to welcome her new life. "There's no turning back…" she whispered into the empty air around her. She reached over to the stand and grabbed her phone. She flipped it open and felt the emptiness flood over as she saw that she had no messages and no missed calls. It was a Saturday and it was past 12pm. No one knew she was missing, no one cared enough to see if she was okay. She was used to being along, but somehow the loneliness hurt a lot more then it ever had before.

The tears slowly slid form beneath her closed lids as a new reality set in, she was in this by herself. Tree Hill was really behind her and although that was what she wanted she hadn't expected it to feel this bad. Her phone began vibrating in her hands and she watched as Haley's name flashed across the screen. "Hey Haley" her voice cracked slightly form a mix of sleep and tears.

"Hey Pey." Her voice was as happy as it had been last night but it didn't bring the same smile to the blondes face. "How are you? Where are you?"

"I'm fine Hales and I already told you that I wasn't telling you where I ended up. I found a place and I'll be okay…that all I'm telling you because that's all you need to know" Peyton responded defiantly and she sighed when she heard Healy begin to protest.

"But that's where you are so wrong Peyton. I do need to know where you are. It's just in me to need to know those things. I can't know that your okay until I know where you are. I mean you could say that you doing fine and meanwhile you're living in a motel somewhere and that's not exactly fine in my book. By the way where are you staying?" the brunette knew that her friend wasn't going to come home, she just wished she could help make her life easier.

"I'm fine Haley…" She knew she that she was about to get a lecture.

"Peyton…" Haley's voice was firm and she sounded more like a worried mother then a friend.

"A motel…"

"Peyt…you can't live out of a motel. That's not safe and it's definitely not sanitary." Haley began as worry took over her.

"Believe me I know Haley. I'm not going to live here. It's just that I got in so late last night and this was the first place a saw. I have every intention of finding an apartment or something but its gunna take time" It was the truth but she was thinking the same thing the brunette was…it was gunna take a long time to find an apartment.

"I don't like this…I really think you should just come home…" Haley pleaded with the blonde as a last hope. She already knew the answer but she prayed she was wrong anyway.

"I can't do that Haley, I'm done with Tree Hill, at least for a while." She wiped a tear from under her eye with the back of her hand as she fought back more.

"I know…you told me already. But I miss you Peyton, I mean I t hasn't even been 24 hours yet and I already miss you. What am I gunna do? You're the only real friend I've ever had other than Lucas" Haley was now fighting back her own tears but with those words Peyton had given up and let hers slide quickly and smoothly down her cheeks.

"Haley I miss you two and I'll always miss you, but I have to do this. I'll keep in contact but that's the best I can do." She sounded defeated and guilty.

"Then I'll have to deal with that. You better keep in touch Peyton." Haley warned as she tired to sound happy.

"I promise that I will. Look I have to go Hales, job hunting calls." She laughed half heartedly. "I'll call you tonight and you can tell me all about you date with Nathan."

"Alright…I'll be waiting Peyton…" Haley sighed as she prepared to hang up.

"Bye"

"Bye" the brunette hung up the phone and set it down on the counter. She could hear the sadness in Peyton's voice and all she could do was hope that things would get better.

After a quick shower Peyton was on her way out of the motel. She drove around the city looking for any available job. She had been driving for an hour before she spotted a small diner on the corner with a 'Help Wanted' sign sitting in the window. She smiled to herself as she parked along the curb and made her way into the diner. The place reminded her of Karen's Café but it was busier. "Table for one" she spun on her heel as a woman in her early to mid twenties stood smiling behind her.

"Actually I'm here about the job opening." The blonde was nervous as she took in the woman's appearance. She was the only person wearing a suit which made her the manager. Her black hair was wrapped tightly into a twist the stayed firm on her head. Her smile however, made the blonde relax.

"That's great. I was beginning to think no one was ever going to take the job. Have you ever waitressed before?"

"No…that's gunna be a problem isn't it" Peyton asked dejectedly.

"Actually no. it would help, but most people catch on after the first or second day. It's pretty easy. The only alcohol we serve is beer and wine coolers so you aren't required to really memorize the beverages. The most you'll have to worry about is learning the specials and how to short hands people's orders. Does that sound like something you can handle?"

"Yes…do I need to fill out an application or anything?"

"Yea but you can do that tonight and get it to me tomorrow. For today would you mind helping out that way you can get a feel for things and see if you like it." The woman smiled as she led Peyton towards the back of the diner.

"Umm…sure" Peyton gave her best smile as she was handed a blue collared shirt.

"The uniform is a pair of black pants, a black shoe with a heel and this shirt. Hair has to be tied back and aprons are kept on the rack over there. By the way... my name is Katharine Valentein…" she held out her hand and Peyton accepted it.

"Peyton Sawyer." She watched as the woman's brow furrowed.

"Are you related to Anna Sawyer?"

"She's my mother" the blonde answered in slight confusion.

"You probably wouldn't remember me, I don't think you were even 7 then. Your mom was friends with mine and she used to help me with my cheerleading when I was in high school. She helped with a lot of things back then, especially when my parents were going through their divorce. You used to hang around Brooke Davis all the time, I swear you two were inseparable, you did everything together." Peyton kept a forced smile on her face. "How is you mother?" the smile quickly faded.

"Umm…she died 9 years ago." Her eyes shifted down towards the floor as she spoke.

"I'm sorry." That was all Katherine could say. "How have you been?"

"Okay…I just moved up here actually. I kinda just needed to get out of Tree Hill you know" She gave a small laugh.

"You look like I did when I ran off to college…like you running form something." The older woman looked down with an arched brow. She knew what it was to run away from something and the look on Peyton's face told her that just what was happening. The loneliness in her eyes said she was running from more then just something small.

"Do you know how to run away from yourself." The blonde gave a nervous laugh as she looked up.

"Ahhh…the dreaded past. Well you not in Tree Hill sweetheart so maybe you can start over new. I don't want to pry into you past but if you wanna talk I'm here. I know that small little town and most of the people in it so I'd probably understand where you're coming from. Do you mind if I ask where you're staying?"

"Ummm…I don't exactly have a place at the moment. This was kind of a spur of the moment decision so I didn't plan the whole apartment hunting thing." Her voice was small and for the first time she felt somewhat ashamed.

"Motel hopping…most people around here have gone through that. You however might be able to avoid it." Katharine caught the brief flash of hope in the hazel eyes below her. "One of my good friend and your new fellow employee is looking for a roommate. She's got a three bedroom apartment and needs some help with the rent. Amy is nineteen so you guys are close in age and I think you two would get along pretty well." Peyton watched as the woman motioned for a tall slender brunette to come over.

"Amy this is Peyton and she is in need of an apartment." The woman was very to the point in things but it made the blonde comfortable, she didn't like when people danced around what they had to say, it always made her fear the words.

"Hi Peyton…nice to meet you." Amy flashed a smile revealing her perfectly white teeth. She extended her hand and Peyton accepted.

"Likewise" Something about the brunette reminded her of Haley, they both just had this presence that made you like them.

"Amy I want you to shoe Peyton the ropes…get her used to the job and in the process you can decide if you want her for a roommate." They all laughed before Katharine left to show a couple to their table.

By the end of the day Amy and Peyton had gotten to know each other and they got along great. Amy turned out to much like Haley with the exception of playing music. Amy informed the blonde that she contained her singing to the shower causing them both to laugh. After leaving the diner Amy followed Peyton back to the motel and then led her to the apartment.

"Wow this place is huge for an apartment." The blonde gaped as she walked around. Amy just laughed and nodded her head.

"You can have this room, or the other one it doesn't really matter, this one is just bigger." Amy got ready to leave the room but Peyton spoke up.

"Umm Amy I think there's something you should know before we make this thing permanent. I probably should have told you before…" Peyton let the sentence hang and as the brunette turned back around and faced her.

"What is it…I'm sure it won't be a problem." She gave a genuine smile in the nervous girl's direction.

"I'm pregnant." Peyton said only slightly above a whisper.

"That's all…I was right it's nothing. It actually works out pretty well considering the other room is empty. I love kids so this is no problem at all." Amy smiled as she walked further into the room.

"You know…coming into a city…I never thought I'd meet someone this nice. And I also never thought my first day here would go anywhere near this well." Peyton couldn't help but smile as she thought about the luck she's had.

"Well maybe you really did just need to get out of Tree Hill. Things seem to be looking up for you and we are going to make sure it stays that way." Amy winked as Peyton before wrapping her arms around the thin blonde. Luck was an understatement as far as Peyton was concerned; this day was just a miracle. "Get some sleep Peyton…we can talk more in the morning." Peyton nodded as she watched the brunette creep out of the room. She relaxed back on the bed after changing out of her jeans. For the first time she was beginning to think that maybe things would really be okay.

Peyton awoke in the middle of night, her body jolting to a sitting position. She unconsciously placed a protective hand on her stomach as thoughts of Lucas encircled her. He was going to haunt her dreams from this day on and she knew she couldn't stop it. As thoughts of him with Brooke took over she felt her heart shatter just a little more. She wanted nothing more than to be the one in Lucas's arms. She wanted to feel his chest push firmly into her back during the night as he slept. She wanted to wake up to see him smiling down at him. The blonde just wanted to feel safe for just one more night before she let go of it all…but there was no way for her to accomplish that. Her dreams weren't pleasant, they just reminded her of the pain she caused him the pain he retaliated towards her. She would give anything to feel his touch just on last time but there was nothing to bring him to her now. She wanted all the things she had given up when she left Tree Hill. She had pushed him out of her life and the only way to stop the pain from engulfing her was to lie and say it was for the better.

**I am thinking of you**

**In my sleepless solitude tonight**

**If it's wrong to love you**

**Then my heart just won't let me be right**

**'Cause I've drowned in you**

**And I won't pull through**

**Without you by my side**

**I'd give my all to have**

**Just one more night with you**

**I'd risk my life to feel**

**Your body next to mine**

**'Cause I can't go on**

**Living in the memory of our song**

**I'd give my all for your love tonight**

**Baby can you feel me**

**Imagining I'm looking in your eyes**

**I can see you clearly**

**Vividly emblazoned in my mind**

**And yet you're so far**

**Like a distant star**

**I'm wishing on tonight**

**I'd give my all to have**

**Just one more night with you**

**I'd risk my life to feel**

**Your body next to mine**

**'Cause I can't go on**

**Living in the memory of our song**

**I'd give my all for your love tonight**

**Give my all for your love**

**Tonight**

The song is 'My All' by Mariah Carey


	7. Chapter 7

4 Years Later

"Hello" Nathan spoke quickly into the phone. He was supposed to meet Luke at Rivercourt five minutes ago.

"Hey…you in a rush?"

"Hey Peyton…kind of so I'll have to play catch up later…hold on" He took the receiver away from his mouth. "Haley…" he called out.

"Is that Peyton…" the petite brunette quickly appeared from the kitchen and grabbed the phone from her husband's hands. "Aren't you supposed to go play ball with Luke?"

"Yeah and I'm going" he leaned down and gave her a quick peck on the lips before grabbing his ball and rushing out the door. Haley laughed before sitting down on the couch.

"Hey you…your right on time." Haley smirked…for the past four years Peyton had called her every Sunday night between 6 and 7. They never missed a call.

"As always. How's life…" Peyton asked as she too settled into a comfortable position on her bed.

"Umm…pretty good. I don't know how much I can tell you…nothing major's happened in my life and you refuse to let me tell you anything about Tree Hill." She was almost whining.

"Tree Hill is in my past and it's staying there. I don't wanna know anything about that place…we go through this every time I call Hales."

"You just don't wanna know anything about the people…more specifically…"

"Yeah well I now know that he's living in Tree Hill considering Nathan just left to go play ball with him." The blonde sighed deeply as she played with the thick blonde hair sprawled across her lap.

"Can I tell you something else…just one thing Peyton and then I'll never mention Lucas again." Haley pleaded.

"No…I don't wanna know anything about him…it would kind of ruin my whole trying to forget him thing"

"But you're never gunna forget him and you know it" Haley as right…four years and she could remember every detail. She still remembered what he smelt like that day in front on the café when she told the biggest lie of her life. Or maybe that was the second biggest…the first was more of an omission and it was sleeping with it's head on her lap right now. Its name was Alex…Scott.

"But I can pretend to…any way how is work" Peyton was desperate to change the subject, any more talk about Lucas and she might let it slip that he had anther child…one he didn't know about…one nobody in Tree Hill knew about.

"Fine…were we really that rude in high school." Haley questioned as she rolled her brown eyes. She was an English teacher at the high school and she could swear the kids had no respect.

"We probably were and our teachers probably asked the same question." Both girls laughed knowing it was true.

"How's your job…or jobs." Haley shook her head wondering how Peyton found the time to work at the diner and edit a Magazine.

"Well the diner is fun and as usual really relaxing at night." Peyton laughed at the irony. The diner used to be extremely stressful when she started working there…but when she started working for the magazine it got a little easier to be at the diner. When she became the editor the diner was just something to take her mind off the day.

"And the magazine…" Haley inquired.

"Well considering I just wrapped up the last deadline…its should be calm for a day or two and then the work well pick right back up. I'm telling you I don't know what I would do if I worked for one of those weekly papers…getting things done in a month is hard enough." Haley laughed.

"I don't know how you do it…you must crash as soon as you get home…"

'No. I pick up my three year old from day care and then I bathe and feed my her and then I crash' that would have been the truth but instead she lied. "Yeah pretty much…I'm just lucky that I can do my work at home sometimes. I do the editing at home during the week and I don't have waitressing on the weekends so the times pretty balanced." She was glad she stopped working at the diner on weekends because it gave her more time with Alex, which she needed and enjoyed.

"Well that true. I still wouldn't survive." They both laughed. "Anyways…how is Amy doing?" Haley asked. Peyton had told her about Amy and from what she knew she liked the girl.

"She's good…she should be getting home anytime now actually." As soon as she spoke the front door slammed shut causing the small girl to shift in her sleep.

"No she's already home. Hi Haley…Nathan." Amy said as she made her way down the hall.

"Was that her" Haley asked with a small giggle.

"Yeah…who else would it be. She says hi to you and Nate." The blonde informed the other girl.

"Tell her hi for me." Haley glanced at the clock and cursed under her breath. "Listen Peyt I gotta go meet someone somewhere and I can't tell you cause it has to do with Tree Hill." The blonde laughed.

"Alright…I'll talk to you in a week Hales." When the words left her mouth the phone was gone from her hand and she looked up to find Amy over her shoulder.

"Hi Haley…hope everything's well…" Amy sat on the edge of the bed and pressed the phone into her shoulder as she put her hair up into a high ponytail.

"Hey Aims…everything good here…what about wherever you are…does Peyton have any secrets other then where you two live" Haley joked.

"Everything's good here" Amy glanced down as the sleeping blonde curled up by her mother's legs and gave a crooked smile. "Nope no secrets at all…unless she's keeping them from me too." The brunettes both laughed as Peyton rolled her eyes.

"Okay I gotta go…so I'll talk to you two next week. Bye" Haley said quickly.

"Bye Haley." The two other girls responded in unison before Amy clicked the phone off. "Are you ever going to tell them…anything." Amy inquired as she glanced up at a guilty Peyton.

"I don't know…eventually just not now." She ran a hand through her curls.

"What's the harm in telling Haley that you don't work the diner anymore." The brunette raised her thin brow and waited.

"There wouldn't be any harm…but the diner and the magazine are my story and I'm sticking to them…it also stops her and Nate from asking what I do in my free time…they don't think I have any."

"I still think you should tell them…and I also think you should allow them to let the people in Tree Hill know that you're alive." Amy stood form the bed and walked to the bedroom door.

"Yeah and I should also tell Lucas about his daughter…there are a lot of things I should do, doesn't mean I'm gunna do them." Peyton retorted. "you still tell that boyfriend of your that he's an ass."

"Yeah I know…there are a lot things I should do…doesn't mean I'm gunna do them." They both laughed "Goodnight Peyton"

"Night Aims" she waited until she heard Amy's door close until she reached into her side draw and pulled out the small bottle of pills. She placed two in her mouth and finished the glass of water on her desk before settling down into the bed for another night of forced sleep.

**I hope my smile**

**can distract you**

**I hope my fists**

**can fight for two**

**So it never has to show**

**And you'll never know**

**I hope my love**

**can blind you**

**I hope my arms**

**can bind you**

**So you'll never have to see**

**What we've grown to be**

**One may think**

**we're alright**

**But we need pills**

**to sleep at night**

**We need lies**

**to make it through the day**

**We're not ok**

**One may think**

**we're doing fine**

**But if I had to lay it on the line**

**We're losing ground**

**with every passing day**

**We're not ok**

**But that's one thing**

**I would never**

**One thing I would never**

**That's one thing**

**I would never say to you**

The song was Pills by the Perishers.


	8. Chapter 8

"Come on Haley please pick up" Peyton whispered into the empty room. This was her third times calling Haley that evening and once again there was no answer. She was about to hang up the phone when she head the tiny click.

"Hello…" Haley said in a rushed voice. She head heard the answering machine come on just as they were opening the front door and she could only hope the person hadn't hung up.

"Haley…thank God." The blonde breathed.

"Peyton are you okay…its Friday…you never call other then Sunday…unless its important." Haley began to worry as she listened to Peyton's heavy breathing. There was a deep cough on the other line. "Peyton…"

"Hales I need you to do me a really big favor…really really big." Peyton took a deep breath to calm herself down. 'It's now or never' she reminded herself again.

"Yeah sure…what do you need Peyt." Nathan looked at his wife strangely as he took in her panicked expression. She just looked at him and shrugged.

"Okay…if I send you something would you be able to watch it…take care of it for me because it's really important that nothing happens to…it." Peyton couldn't stop the knot growing in her stomach.

"Peyton are you sure you're okay…" Haley asked nervously.

"Hales I'm fine I'm just really tired and a little under the weather." Peyton gave a small laugh, which turned into a cough.

"Well just send whatever it is to me and I promise to take good care of it." Haley said in the cheeriest voice she could find.

"Thank you so much Hales. Look call me when you get it…umm…I'm sure I didn't need to tell you to call me you definitely won't forget to." Peyton gave a nervous laugh.

"I swear you are too secretive Peyton…you're definitely a mystery." Haley joked and shook her head. "Look I have to go cook dinner before it gets to late. I'll talk to you…whenever I get what you're sending me." Haley raised a brow and laughed again.

"Alright...I'll talk to you soon Hales." Peyton was almost relieved knowing that Haley would be able to help her…but nothing was ever going to take away the guilt that was slowly swallowing her whole. "Bye" she whispered into the receiver.

"Bye Peyt…" Haley hung up the phone, still slightly confused.

"What was that about?" Nathan questioned as soon as the phone was back on the hook.

"Umm…she didn't say much just that she needed me to watch something for her." Haley rolled her eyes as she walked slowly into the kitchen.

"Oookay" Nathan retorted as he turned the TV on.

"Peyton are you sure about this…" Amy questioned as she wrapped her thin fingers around the handle of the suitcase.

"Yes…I'm positive. If you ask me again I mite change my mind so please don't. Besides this is your only weekend off so there is no other time." the blonde was fighting back tears as she held her daughter on her hip.

"Peyt…"

"Don't Amy…just don't...please." she watched as the brunette nodded in her direction. Peyton glanced down at the confused child next to her and forced a smile. "Remember when we were talking about taking a trip last night." The small girl nodded. "DO you remember when I told you about Aunt Haley."

"You said that she married Uncle Nathan and that they're nice." Alex responded as she waited for her mother to continue.

"Well you and Aunt Amy are gunna go on a little vacation tonight. You're gunna get to meet Aunt Haley and Uncle Nate. You also get to meet all the other people in that photo album and its in your suitcase just incase you don't remember them."

"Why don't you have a suitcase?" the small child inquired.

"Because you have to go on this trip alone, mommy can't come with you. Aunt Haley is gunna take really good care of you for me though so don't you worry." She kissed her daughter on the forehead and set her down on the floor. "I love you" Peyton whispered as she dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms around her daughter.

"I love you too mommy" Peyton pulled away to find that they both had tears rolling down their cheeks. She could feel her heart constricting in her chest as she watched the little girl. "I'll miss you mommy"

"I'll miss you too baby…but you and Aunt Amy have to go now." She looked up at the brunette who reached down and grabbed the child's hand.

"Come on Ally." Amy smiled the best she could as she lead the girl out the door. Alex waved goodbye just as the door shut. Peyton leaned back against the hard wood and let her body slide down to the floor. Her body shook violently and the tears streamed down her face, leaving a salty residue on her lips. She buried her head in her knees as she pulled them up to her chest.

It was a almost 6 hours after Peyton's call and Haley and Nathan were cuddled on the couch watching TV. They both jumped when someone knocked on the door. "It's almost 11 who is coming over here that late" Haley questioned. It was Tree Hill and if there was one thing she knew about the small town it was that when people felt they could stop by this late it meant they didn't have to knock. Haley sighed as she removed herself from Nathan's arms and sauntered over to the door. She opened the door and was shocked to find a tall brunette with a suitcase in her hand.

"Can I help you?" Haley asked with a raised brow.

"Haley right…" she watched as the shorter brunette nodded.

"Do I know you" Haley gave a forced laugh as she watched the girl before her shrug.

"Kind of…I'm Amy"

"Peyton's Amy…" Haley questioned in shock.

"The one and only…you told Peyton you would do her a favor." Amy inquired.

"Yeah…she asked me to take care of something but I didn't think it would be arriving tonight…yet alone this late…or being hand delivered by you." Haley shook her head feeling even more confused.

"Why do I get the feeling Peyton didn't tell you what this little…package was" Amy shook her head, she wasn't sure whether she was surprised or not.

"No..." Haley was now feeling more confused as she waited for whatever Peyton had sent her.

"Well…Haley, meet Alexandra" Haley watched as Amy moved to the side to reveal a small blonde toddler. If it wasn't for the straight hair Alex looked like a carbon copy of Peyton.

"Na…Na…Nathan" Haley stuttered, unable to remove her eyes from the nervous little girl staring up at her. Nathan appeared as her side and looked from Amy to Haley in confusion, then he caught sight of the little girl in-between them.

"Alex is the package." Amy informed them nonchalantly as she set the suitcase down. She knew that she had to take the opportunity to leave. Once the two Scotts came out of shock they would be asking questions that Amy wasn't ready to answer. She knelt down and hugged Alex, whispering goodbye into her ear.

"Aunt Amy…" Alex's wide eyes held terror as she watched the second of the two people grew up with leave her.

"Hey…come back here" Nathan screamed as he finally realized Amy wasn't standing in front of him anymore. He ran over to the banister, knocking Alex to the ground in the process. He looked over just in time to see the brunette climb into her car and pull out of the parking lot. Haley looked down at the terrified little girl sitting on the floor. She knelt down and pulled her into a tight hug. Haley couldn't imagine what Alex was going through, she had just been torn apart from her mother and left with complete strangers. The brunette smiled down at the little girl, but it was forced.

"Grab her suitcase Nathan." Haley informed him as she glared in his direction. She and Alex got to their feet and the three retreated back into the house, which now held a thick tension they all could feel.

"Haley…" Peyton whispered into the phone as she answered it, no one else would be calling that late.

"What the hell is going on Peyton? Why do I have a three year old girl sleeping on my couch?" Haley spat bitterly. She listened to Peyton sniffle on the other line and for a moment her heart softened.

"Haley…I'm so sorry. I just…I can't. Please don't take it out on her…you can be pissed at me, but not her, please Haley." Peyton pleaded as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

"Peyton...why does she look like Lucas with her hair up"

"Because…

"I'm waiting…I have so many questions and that's my first…so…" Haley heard the phone click and her eyes widened in shock. "Peyton…are you there." Haley slammed the phone down and looked up at Nathan.

"She hung up on me" Nathan just shook his head at Haley's words before leaving the living room. The brunette quickly followed him into their room. "What the hell are we supposed to do Nathan…"

"How should I know. I wouldn't expect this from Peyton…I mean I was shocked when she just up and left but this tops that by a long shot." Nathan fell back onto the bed and was soon joined by his wife.

"Do we find Peyton, call the cops…I don't even know."

"you'll never find Peyton and the cops will tell you the obvious…give the girl to her father." Just then the sky opened up and the rain began to beat down on the roof above them.

**I dont understand  
This should be so easy  
To just reach my hand  
And know the world is free  
But nothings, as it seems  
I can tell you freely  
Touchings not the only way to feel**

When the rain falls  
Its like heavens crying  
And the names all  
The difference that there is  
Cause tears are  
The same when they are trying to grow something good  
Out of all the pain  
Theres no difference between the teardrops and the rain.

I know you probably say  
That Im just talking crazy  
To think of life that way  
Means that Im confused  
Theres happy and theres sad  
But maybe yes just maybe  
The sadness can make the happiness more true

When the rain falls  
Its like heavens crying  
And the names all  
The difference that there is  
Cause tears are  
The same when they are trying to grow something good  
Out of all the pain  
Theres no difference between the teardrops and the rain.

Because I know they're both so necessary  
I dont let it bother me at all

When the rain falls  
Its like heavens crying  
And the names all  
The difference that there is  
Cause tears are  
The same when they are trying to grow something good  
Out of all the pain  
Theres no difference between the teardrops and the rain.

The song is "When the rain falls" by the Zeta Bytes


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay from now on i dont have song names for the chapters...

* * *

**

"Alex, hun can you do me a favor and go sit over there" Haley pointed to a booth at the side of the café. She did her best to smile as she handed the small girl some paper and a small box of crayons.

"Okay" Alex replied, tears still burning behind her eyes. She cried the moment she woke up alone in a place she didn't know. Haley had tried to calm her down, but nothing worked, she just wound up crying herself back to sleep. The next time she woke up she was quiet. Haley didn't know what she was supposed to do so she took Alex to the café for breakfast, and advice from Karen.

"Who's are little friend" the older woman asked with a warm smile. Haley looked back at the blonde sitting quietly in the booth, scribbling sadly.

"Alex…I'm doing some…babysitting for a friend for a while." Haley rolled her eyes and turned back to Karen.

"You never were any good at lying." Karen laughed as the brunette closed her eyes and tossed her head back.

"No…you're just good at catching people in their lies." She raised her thin brow and gave her first genuine smile since last night.

Lucas walked into the café quickly and began glancing around. He had been in there early that morning but left his basketball… somewhere. He walked over to the booth he was sitting at and immediately saw it underneath the tabletop. He couldn't see the little girl form where he was coming from, her head didn't make it over the seat. When he bent down under the table she bent sideways and watched him grab the ball.

He was one of the people in her photo album. She couldn't remember his name but she knew his face because her mom talked about him…a lot. Lucas knew he was being watched and was surprised to see crystal blue eyes staring at him. Her eyes followed him as he stood back up and set the ball under his arm. "Hi…sorry about that…" he smiled down at her but she didn't smile back she just turned her head away as a few tears slipped from beneath her eyes. "Hey…are you okay?" Lucas questioned as he slid in the seat across from her. He reached over and lifted her chin with his finger and waited.

"I miss my mommy" Alex whispered miserably as she looked up at him. "She told me that I was staying with nice people but they don't want me." Lucas frowned as he wiped the tears from the small girl's cheeks.

"Where is your mommy?" Lucas asked, genuinely concerned. She looked unbelievably familiar but he couldn't place her face.

"At home, she said I had to go on vacation for awhile but she would come get me soon." He watched as Alex played with the small locket around her neck.

"May I see…" Lucas asked as he pointed to her locket.

"My mommy has one just like it...she says that we we're always close to each other." She turned it around and began fumbling with the clasp, her mom had showed her how to undo it, but she always forgot.

"Here…" Lucas reached over and undid it for her, taking the locket gently into his hands. "What's your name" Lucas asked calmly as he opened the locket.

"Alexandra, my mommy and Aunt Amy call me Alex, well Aunt Amy calls me Ally but everyone else calls me Alex."

"Well Alex my name is…" he stopped speaking as he looked down at the small picture inside the locket. In it Alex had a wide smile on her face but what really caught him was the woman holding the little girl tightly in her arms.

"Lucas…" Alex answered as she finally remembered his name. She rarely forget his name because her mom talked about him so much but she had this morning, now she remembered it though.

Lucas looked up at her with wide eyes. He didn't know whether it was because Alex knew his name or because he was holding a recent picture of a girl who had just up and left almost 5 years ago. He had a feeling it was from the latter.

"My mommy talks about you a lot." She told him quietly. The look in his eyes reminded her of the look in Haley's eyes last night…it was far from comforting.

"What does she say about me…" Lucas asked quickly forcing a smile as he noticed the girl's sadness.

"She says you're nice too. And she tells me story's about you and Uncle Nathan and when you played basketball." Alex looked at him and gave a small smile when she notices the previous look had vanished.

"Really…well do you think you're mommy was right…am I nice." He laughed as the little girl bobbed her head up and down. "Alex where's your daddy" Lucas asked in confusion. He would think there would be a family photo in the locket.

"I don't know" she responded sadly as she tore her eyes away from him.

"Well she's a spitting image of her mother…" Haley commented bitterly as she pulled Alex's hair back into a tight ponytail. "…but who does she look like now?"

He didn't know what to say…she looked like him. He tried his best no to look shocked…he hated the sadness in Alex's eyes. "Hey little one…did you eat yet" He watched as she shook her head causing Haley to let go of her hair. He stood from the table anxious to get away from there for a minute…he needed to think…facial expressions included. "French toast or pancakes?"

"French toast" she whispered and with that he walked off towards the counter.

"You look like you just saw a ghost…" Karen commented as soon as her soon was in earshot.

"Well I wouldn't exactly call it a ghost…its more like the past became the present." Lucas sat down in an unoccupied chair and rested his hands in his head. "Could you make her some French toast please." He commented as he remembered his excuse for leaving.

"So what is she like?" Karen asked as she moved between mixing batters and toasting bread.

"She's miserable and uncomfortable. I can't believe Peyton would do this"

"You said that when she left too. You knew she would come back because she had no reason to leave…well Alex is your reason Lucas." Karen informed her son. She was determined to remain calm on the outside even if she was fuming on the inside. In truth she was just as pissed off at Peyton as the rest of them, but something in her heart always remained soft for the curly blonde with a more then troubled childhood. Karen knew the little girl felt unwanted and therefore kept whatever anger she had to the side. "What are you gunna do?"

Lucas looked up at her and shook his head. "Well I'm not just gunna abandon her like Peyton. I can't let her stay with Haley because she doesn't like it there…" Lucas just let his head fall back into his hands.

"In other words you have someone moving in with you." Karen said it more like a comment then a question as she slid the plate of food in front of him.

"Yeah I guess so" Lucas said as he walked back over to the booth and sat across from Haley and his newfound daughter.


	10. Chapter 10

"Do you like dogs" Lucas asked the small blonde at his side. He watched her nod as she continued looked out the window. "Well that's good because I have a retriever named Rocket." He smiled at her but she wasn't paying attention to him. Lucas sighed as he pulled into his driveway.

"Do you live here" Alex asked as she stepped out of the car and glanced up at the house. To her it was huge considering she was used to the apartment she and her mom shared with Amy. Lucas laughed and ran his hand over his head.

"Yeah it's kinda big…but hey at least you have lots of choices for where you want your room to be." He wanted her to be comfortable but the comment only brought sadness to her eyes. Lucas bent down so that he was eye level with his daughter.

"Hey kiddo, come here" Lucas waved his hands and motioned for Alex to come over to him. Once the little girl was within his reach he lifted her into his arms and stood back up. "Al…I'm gunna ask you a question and I don't want you to get worried or scared or anything, okay."

"Okay" she looked directly into his eyes as she waited for him to speak. Her eyes were already shimmering with tears and she knew that nodding her head was all it would take to make them fall.

"Do you know who I am?" Lucas cocked his head to the side slightly and watched as the little girl put herself deep in thought.

"I know your name and that you're the only one that calls me Al." she finally responded causing a slight laugh from Lucas.

"Good…that means it's my special name for you." He was glad to see the little girl smile in his arms but he knew he still had to explain some things to her. "You know I used to have a special name for your mommy too"

"You called her Pey" Alex said, she was proud that she had remembered.

"Yes I did" he was a little shocked but shrugged it off. He couldn't help but wonder how much Peyton had told Alex though.

"She gets sad when Aunt Amy forgets and calls her that." Lucas frowned as the small blonde continued speaking. "Sometimes she cries when we looked through her photo album."

"I'm sorry to hear that" Lucas said genuinely, he wasn't sure how he was supposed to feel. At the moment his emotions bordered anger, frustration, and confusion. He couldn't figure out why Peyton would just return home if she was so lonely.

"Most of the time she's happy and she tells me stories though." The little girl spoke quickly, hoping that she hadn't upset anyone.

"Well that's good. Alex I think there's something you mom didn't tell you in those stories and I'm not sure how you're gunna feel about it." He took a deep breath before he continued. "I asked you about you daddy earlier and you said that you didn't know where he was. Does your mommy ever talk about your daddy?"

"Not a lot…she gets upset when she does." Alex turned her head away, breaking eye contact for the first time. Lucas held her with one arm as he used his finger to move her chin and make eye contact again.

"Is your mommy the only one who gets upset?" He watched as the small girl slowly shook her head. "Well I hope I don't make you sad but what if I told you I know your daddy," He watched the glimpse of hope flash through her eyes and disappear. He wasn't sure exactly how to tell her the truth, he only knew that he had to. "Al your mommy and I used to be really close before she went away. I loved your mommy very much but she never told me about you. I don't know what she told you about me other then me playing basketball but I don't think she told you the most important part. Al, sweetheart, I found out this morning that I'm your daddy" Somehow the words leaving his mouth just didn't seem right. He couldn't help but wonder if there would ever be an easier way to tell a child something like that.

Even though she was much smarter then most three year olds, Alex still didn't know how to take the new information. "If you're my daddy they why don't you and my mommy live together like other mommies and daddies?" it was the only question she could think to ask and it through Lucas off guard.

"Umm…I don't know. Your mommy left without telling anybody and we didn't know where she was. But Al just because we don't live together, it doesn't mean we don't love you" He wasn't sure if that was the right thing to say….in a way he felt like he was lying to her. Yes Alex was his daughter but he wasn't sure if he could say that he loved her yet. He had just met her a few hours ago and they hadn't former any special father daughter bond yet, at least not from what he could see. Lucas decided that he wouldn't worry about loving his daughter yet, he knew he would love her soon, he wasn't sure if he didn't love her already, but at the moment it didn't matter. When they became more comfortable with each other, their bond would grow, and then he wouldn't have to worry about whether or not he loved her, he knew that he would.

"Lucas…" he was torn from his thoughts as her voice rang through his head.

"Yeah…."

"Can I call you daddy now or do I still have to call you Lucas?" The tiny blonde shifted her eyes back down to the ground.

"Hey Al" he waited for her to meet his eyes again. "I'd love it if you called me daddy" Lucas smiled as she wrapped her arms tightly around his neck. That was when the awkwardness began to fade and suddenly his heart couldn't help but open up to her. The last time he remembered feeling this warmth in his chest was when he was holding another curly blonde tightly in his arms, letting himself drown in her scent.


	11. Chapter 11

"Daddy" Alex called out as she roamed the house that night. She had discovered throughout the day that it was easy for her to get lost and she usually wound out going around in circles before Lucas found her.

"In the kitchen" Lucas responded as he stood from the table and walked over to the door. He stuck his head around the corner and smiled as the small blonde walked towards him. "What you got there" he pointed to the manila folder gripped in the child's fingers.

"My mommy said these were really important and I should give them to Aunt Haley, but I think if I'm not staying with Aunt Haley I'm supposed to give them to you." She handed the folder to her dad. Alex wasn't sure if that was right but she figured if she was only supposed to give them to Haley then Lucas would make sure she got them.

Lucas flipped through the folder only to find a birth certificate and medical records. Peyton handing all these things over to Haley meant that the little girl was going to be staying with them for a while. Lucas flipped back to the birth certificate and the name Scott quickly grabbed his attention. Neatly printed in the center was the name _Alexandra Megan Scott_. Under that it read 'mother' _Peyton Anna Sawyer _and although he expected to find the adjacent space empty it read 'father' _Lucas Eugene Scott._ Alex was legally his daughter and the thought made him smile.

"So your birthday is in three weeks" Lucas commented as he continued to glance over the paper.

"Uh huh, I'm gunna be 4" Alex replied happily. Lucas felt a hint of anger surge through him. How could Peyton abandon her daughter, especially right before her birthday. Even if he had imagined Peyton doing the worst he never would have thought about something like this. This was one action he couldn't comprehend. Dan had abandoned him but Dan was just an evil person all around, Peyton wasn't. None of this was making any sense to him, but he wasn't going to spend forever trying to figure it out.

"We are definitely going to have to do something special for you then." Lucas closed the folder and set it down on counter beside him. "So you had dinner, you are all cleaned up and you are dressed for bed" Lucas lifted the small girl into his arms as she nodded her head. Earlier that evening Lucas had instructed Alex to get ready for a bath. She went and got her clothes only to return to the kitchen door. That was when she conveniently told her father she didn't know how. Peyton had always given her bath and Alex expected her dad to do the same. The event ending in Lucas having to change his soaked clothes before setting Alex up to brush her teeth.

"Can you read me a story" She questioned as they retreated to her room, her head rested on Luke's shoulder as she yawned.

"I don't have any books you would like." Lucas admitted as they entered the room. Alex pointed to her small book bag that was sitting on the floor. Lucas set his daughter under the covers before grabbing her bag and shuffling through it. Near the bottom of the bag he found a decent sized book. "Your mommy's reading you _A Little Princess_." Lucas commented, a bit surprised that a three year old would understand everything in the book, but Alex had already proved herself to be smarter then the average child. He went to close the bag but stopped when his eyes caught sight of the last thing in the bag.

_Flashback_

"_See now I have a little bit of a dilemma." He whispered into her ear before trialing his lips gently along her neck. "I promised this girl that I would take her to the movies tonight, but there's this other girl, who smell really good and had extremely soft skin. The first girl is very beautiful she only wears a little bit of makeup and it looks perfect on her. But this second girl, she is looking gorgeous in a pair or sweat pants and a plain black camisole. No make up and she is stealing my breath away. The thought of staying in with the second girl is sounding better and better every second. Now in your opinion, what should do?" He continued to trail his lips along her neck as she bent her head back onto his shoulder. _

"_I'm beginning to think that it's much better to stay in." she responded with a small smile playing on her lips._

"_I was hoping you would pick that option." She spun the chair around and immediately captured his lips with hers. "I have something for you" he stated breathlessly between kisses. He lifted his hand between them as he pulled away. She looked down to see a small teddy bear holding a heart in its hands. "I love you" was written in white letters across the heart. Her eyes lit up as she took the stuffed animal from him. _

"_You'll always be in my heart. Don't know where I'd be without you Pey, Love Lucas." She read out loud before closing the card attached to the bear's ear. She looked into his clear blue eyes and smiled. _

"_I love you Peyton" he had wanted to say that to her for so long now and finally he had. _

"_I love you too Lucas" Something felt different saying those words to Lucas, but it was a good different, something she liked._

_End Flashback_

That moment in her room had happened about a month before she left Tree Hill. He slowly pulled the small white bear out of Alex's bag as he fought back tears. He hated when he thought about those moments between them, they always made him miss her. The tag was still attached to the ear but after 5 years the paper was beginning to ware. He shook the memory away as he moved backwards the bed, bear and book in hand. He sat on the edge of the bed and handed Alex the bear which she happily took.

"Thank you" she said calmly as she pulled the bear under the covers with her. Watching the little girl replaced his longing with anger and disbelief. How could he miss someone who could leave their child behind.

"Your welcome" he responded with a smile as he leaned back against the headboard. Keith had helped him move his old bed out of his mom's house and into Alex's room. It was pretty much all there was in the small room, but that would change in the next few days. They were going furniture shopping tomorrow and if necessary the next day too. Lucas opened the book to where the bookmark had been placed and began reading. "Of course the greatest power Sara possessed and the one which gained her even more followers than her luxuries and the fact that she was "the show pupil," the power that Lavinia and certain other girls were most envious of, and at the same time most fascinated by in spite of themselves, was her power of telling stories and of making everything she talked about seem like a story, whether it was one or not…" As he continued to read, Alex's head slowly fell onto his chest. He wrapped his arm around her as he went on until he eyes finally closed. He set the bookmark in place and closed the book, setting it on the nightstand, it too previously belonged to him. He tucked Alex under the covers and leaned down, kissing her lightly on the forehead.


	12. Chapter 12

"Dude, are we done yet?" the younger Scott complained as he and his brother set the mahogany dresser down. "My arms are killing me, all this crap is heavy."

"Quit whining you big baby" Lucas joked. "The only thing left is to set the mirror on top of the dresser then, I'll order some pizza." Nathan followed his bother over to the mirror and on the count of three they lifted the mirror and placed it on the center of the mirror. Lucas held it in place as Nate set the screws in place and tightened them.

"Done" Nathan stated as he took a look around the now finished room. They had gone out and bought a new bed, this one had a canopy. They also bought a set of drawers and a bookshelf. Lucas had every intention of filling all five shelves with books. The only thing left was to decorate the room with knickknacks, but that would happen over time.

"What do you think?" Lucas asked as he too looked around.

"I can't stand it….but for a little girl I think the Pretty Little Princess room is perfect." Nathan shrugged as he walked down the hall, Lucas following behind.

"Bro, I think it's Pretty Pretty Princess." Lucas said with a laughed but Nathan just glanced back at him.

"Dude…its really sad that you know something like that." Nathan shook his head as he took a seat in the kitchen.

"What's really sad" Haley questioned from the table were she was sitting with Alex. Throughout the day she and Alex had begun to get along. Alex didn't look at her as the mean woman that didn't want her anymore, she was now just Aunt Haley.

"Nothing" Lucas responded quickly. "Al your room is finished. You wanna come look at it." She smiled brightly as she slid off the chair. She followed her dad down the hall and into her room. Her smile only grew as he opened the door and revealed her new room. "Do you like it?" Lucas asked, laughing lightly at the goofy look on her face. She looked exactly like Peyton did when she was excited or surprised. He cursed under his breath for thinking about Peyton again, he was determined to stop.

"I like it a lot" Alex stated, ripping Lucas away from his thoughts. She walked around the room, the smile never leaving her face.

"Well I'm glad." Lucas stated as he lifted Alex into his arms.

"Hey are you guys for a trip the park, I think it'd be nice way for everyone to just relax after a long day." Haley commented once the two blondes reentered the room.

"And may I ask what exactly made your day so long" Nathan glanced in Haley's direction as he waited.

"Alex and did some serious work when we picked all that furniture out. Isn't that right gorgeous." Haley winked at the little blonde giggled in Luke's arms and then nodded.

"Can we go to the park daddy." Lucas watched as the little girl in his arms pouted and stuck her bottom lip out.

"Who taught you the puppy dog face?" Lucas asked as he shook his head.

"Aunt Amy" Alex retorted proudly before pouting again.

"Well…I guess we could take a trip to the park." The comment received another bright smile. "Go grab your jacket" he set her down and watched her run off into the back of the house. Once she returned her jacket was on as well as her shoes and they left for the park.

Alex played on the swings for a while before they all moved over to the basketball court. "I'm playing with my niece…I'm sure she's better then Haley." Nathan smirked in his wife's direction and soon after she hit him across the back of the head. "Its true…"

"I don't care…you don't' have to actually say it." Haley rolled her eyes as she grabbed the ball from her husband's hands. "Luke and I are gunna kick your sorry a….butts." Haley quickly corrected herself before sticking her tongue out. The group spent an hour playing the game and at the moment the game was tied.

"Next basket wins...its getting late" Lucas stated before dribbling the ball. Nathan stole the ball form his brother and then gently tossed it to Alex. He lifted her into his arms and ran towards the basket, where she dropped it in.

"We win" Alex announced proudly.

"Say I'm a pretty little princess as loud as you can." Nathan screamed.

"I'M A PRETTY LITTLE PRINCESS" Alex yelled at the top of her lungs causing them all the laugh and Nathan to squirm. He didn't realize such a loud voice could come from a small body.

"Scream against Alex" Haley stuck her tongue out at her husband, he was gunna pay for his previous comment.

"No don't say it again." Nathan pleaded. "I'll buy you an ice cone if you don't say it again" Nathan pleaded again just as she opened her mouth to scream. She smiled as Nathan took her from of his shoulders and held her in his arms.

"Can it have sprinkles too" Alex questioned with wide eyes.

"Sure it can." Nathan returned her smile before setting her down on the pavement and grabbing her hand. After ice cream they returned back to the house, Alex already asleep in Nathan's arms. He carried her into the room and helped Lucas get her changed into a big t-shirt. She stirred and opened her eyes slightly. "Go back to sleep. Night princess." Nathan smiled as he tucked a curl behind her ear.

"Night sweetie" Lucas leaned down and kissed her forehead. She mumbled goodnight and closed her eyes again.

"God she looks like…"

"Don't finish that sentence Nathan…" Haley glared in his direction and he immediately closed his mouth.

"It's true though Hales…" Lucas said calmly as they made their way into the kitchen.

"I don't care" Haley hissed. "I don't want to ever hear her name. First she gets up and leaves, she told me over and over again that she was fine, not once did she mention that she was pregnant. Do you know how much she had to lie to keep Alex a secret for five years."

"Wait…why did she send Alex to you and when did she tell you that she was fine?" Lucas's face contorted into a mix of anger and pain.

"Luke…she made us promise not to tell." Nathan answered.

"You mean all that time I spent thinking that she was lying dead somewhere, you both knew where she was. You couldn't just tell me that she was okay, that she was alive and breathing." He ran his hand though his hair as he leaned against the wall.

"She never told me where she was…she just talked to me about her life…with the exception of Alex. Luke I'm sorry, I promised her. I called her the night she left because I wanted her to come shopping with me but she said I couldn't. I guess she felt guilty because she told me she was leaving Tree Hill and that she didn't know where she was going. I tried to get her to come back but she just kept saying that she couldn't be here anymore. She said she messed up too bad to stay anymore and so I let her go with a promise that she would keep in touch and let me know she was okay." Haley fought back tears as she finished speaking.

"So she knew everything about Tree Hill but no one knew anything about her." Lucas spat bitterly.

"No she didn't know anything about Tree Hill. She only knew about what was going on in mine and Nathan's lives. She refused to let me talk about anything involving Tree Hill especially you or Brooke. She didn't want to know, she wanted nothing more then to leave Tree Hill in her past. Luke as far as Peyton knew we could have moved away from Tree Hill when our house number changed." Haley shook her head.

"You still could have told me Hales." Lucas too shook his head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think she was hiding something like this Luke." Haley admitted. "And I definitely didn't expect her to just up and abandon Alex one night."

"I know, I just…I don't know." Lucas closed his eyes tightly.

"Bro would it have made a difference if you did know that she was alive. She wouldn't have talked to you and we didn't have her number to call her. She always called us with a private number so that Haley couldn't figure out where she was calling from. We couldn't even get the number traced now if we wanted to…she had it changed." Nathan sighed deeply.

"I just don't get how she could leave Alex like this…it's not like her." Lucas spat bitterly.

Haley looked at him sympathetically before speaking. "None of this makes sense Lucas and none of this seems like something Peyton would do, but face it…she did."


	13. Chapter 13

"Lucas this is ridiculous." Haley rolled her eyes at her best friend. He looked as though his world had just fallen apart. "She's been going to school for the past 3 months, I would think you'd been over it by now." Haley retorted as she pulled into the high school parking lot. It had been almost two years since Alex entered their lives and she was now enrolled in Tree Hill Elementary as a kindergartner.

"I'm allowed to be upset Haley." The blonde countered. He still hated leaving Alex every morning. Everyone could see that it pained the father more then the daughter every weekday morning.

"Its gotta stop eventually Lucas…what are you gunna do when she goes to college. You won't be able to pick her up at the end of the day." Haley laughed as they entered the high school.

"Look I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, but as far as I know, she can go to college wherever she want…I'm just gunna go with her." Lucas raised a brow causing the brunette to laugh even harder.

"Now your what I call an over protective father. You know you were like this when we were in high school too. If you stayed like that, one you would never really know your brother, and two…I would never be married and extremely happy. You wouldn't want to deprive you little princess or true fairytale happiness" Lucas gave his signature fake laugh and roll of the eyes as Haley smirked in his direction before disappearing into her classroom. Lucas gave a sad laugh and shook his head before entering the room to teach his own English class.

His day passed pretty quickly but instead of going to pick up Alex, Lucas headed home after work. Alex was on a trip today which meant that she wouldn't be home for another two hours or so. After dropping him off Haley drove over to the café, she was in the mood for one of Karen's specialty hot chocolates. The brunette still couldn't figure out how Karen got her hot chocolate to taste the way it did, she just knew that she'd never tasted anything like it. Haley stepped through the door and found her way towards the counter.

"Hey Haley…hot chocolate?" Karen questioned as she gave the brunette a warm smile.

"You got it" Haley responded as she took a seat on a vacant stool. She folded her arms on the counter and rested her head on her forearms. The bells above the door sounded giving the brunette the final push she needed to start her headache.

"Can I help you" Karen's voice rang through Haley's head causing the brunette to cringed. Her kids were getting ruder by the minute and giving her more headaches then normal over the last few weeks. They weren't all bad, but some of them were just plain disrespectful.

"Umm…can I just have two cappuccinos." Haley looked up in confusion. "Actually make that one cappuccino and a hot chocolate." The woman have a warm smile and briefly looked in Haley's direction, immediately turning her head back to face Karen.

"Amy…" Haley was fully alert now as she watched the brunette turn back and face her. "You know, you would think that considering I only saw your face for about two minute I would forget you after two years…apparently not." Haley spat bitterly as she stepped closer to the taller brunette.

"Look Haley…" Amy started.

"Just shut up, I could care less about what you have to say. You dropped off a little girl and just left her with a bunch of strangers. You are no better then her whore of a mother." Her headache was getting worse from the anger but she ignored it.

"Do me a favor and keep the false accusations to yourself. I'm not interested in hearing you call someone a whore." Amy gave a superficial smile as she glared at Haley, fire present in both their eyes.

"Fine she's a pathetic excuse for a mother then….no arguments there…she up and left her three year old daughter and didn't have the guts to do it herself. Then you come back here for God knows what and you should know neither of you are welcome here. So with that obvious knowledge the only reason you would come back is for Alex and once again what blonde bitch can't show her face." Hand on hip, Haley raised a brow.

"Haley, what it going on out here" Karen approached the counter and looked back and forth between the two girls.

"Just so you know, she is here. I tired to get her to come in but she told me that she wouldn't be able to take it so I came in to see what kind of reaction she would get. I tried to tell her to just talk to people, that things would work out and people would be civil. She told me I was wrong and she was right, because you wouldn't even listen to her. You all would chase her out of town with a bat before you let her get half a word out." Amy glared at he brunette across from her before walking towards the door. "Forget the drinks…sorry to be an inconvenience." She didn't bother to face Karen as she spoke and she was gone as soon as the words left her mouth.

"Mind explaining why you just chased my customer out of here and what they hell you two were arguing about?" Karen turned to face the scowling brunette.

"That was Amy." Haley smiled sarcastically at the older woman.

"And who is Amy?"

"The girl Peyton lived with when she left Tree Hill and more importantly the one who brought Alex to Tree Hill and left her here." Haley watched as a shocked expression crossed the woman's face. "Yeah…so guess who's back in town after 6 years."

"Oh God" Karen breathed.

"For some reason I don't really think God's gunna make this situation any better for anyone. I gotta go." "Haley stood up from the counter and shook her head before walking out of the café. Haley was about to get in her car when she spotted Amy standing down the road. But that wasn't what enraged her, it was the curly blonde with her back to Haley that made her blood boil. She watched as Amy nodded her head in her direction. The blonde turned around and for the first time in years Haley was looking into the eyes of Peyton Sawyer. The only difference was that her eyes weren't hazel…Haley could see from a distance that her eyes were burning bright red as she cried. Peyton shook her hand and placed her hand over her mouth as she walked around the car and got into the passenger. Amy bit her bottom lip before getting into the driver's side, and Haley just watched as they drove off down the road.


	14. Chapter 14

"Daddy, daddy" Alex screamed as she ran towards Lucas and jumped straight into his arms.

"Did you have fun at the museum?" He watched as the small blonde bobbed her head up and down excitedly. "That's good. Ready to go home"

"Yupp" Alex smiled as she and Lucas made their way to the car. He strapped her into the booster before getting into his seat and pulling out of the school parking lot.

The arrived home about ten minutes later and Alex fidgeted in her seat until Lucas un-strapped her and she was able to jump out the car. "Aunt Haley" she ran towards the brunettes open arms.

"Hey kiddo. How was the trip" Haley asked as she lifted Alex into her arms.

"It was fun. I got to see dinosaur bones and they were really big." Haley watched as she used her hands to show how big the bones were.

"Wow…I think you should go draw me a picture" Haley winked at the little girl before setting her down and opening the front door. Lucas laughed as he approached his best friend, his daughter's book bag flung over his shoulder.

"Hey Hales" he greeted as he watched his daughter run down the hall to her room.

"Hey" Haley said quietly. Lucas looked down at the brunette and instantly took note of her nervousness.

"Hales…what's going on." Lucas inquired as the smile disappeared from his face.

"You'll never guess who decided to come back to Tree Hill." Haley looked up at the blonde who just shook his head.

"Yeah I can….Brooke. I saw her when I stopped at the drug store on the way to get Alex. You could say we had a less then pleasant encounter. She was pissed and got me pissed and she cursed me out and then left. God how I missed her over the years." Lucas rolled her eyes.

"Brooke Davis is actually back in North Carolina, yet alone Tree Hill." Haley raised her brow and shook her head in disbelief.

"Wait…you weren't talking about Brooke." Lucas looked down, now confused.

"Let's just say our high school days were nothing compared to the hell that about to break loose over the next few days, possibly the next few weeks if someone doesn't just get up and leave." Haley sighed in frustration as she tossed her head back.

"Haley what are you mumbling about?" Lucas asked as he eyed the brunette cautiously.

"Lets see…there's me, Nathan, you, and Brooke….who's missing from our little senior year drama club?" Haley watched as Lucas thought about her question and his eyes suddenly grew wide.

"You can't be serious." Lucas muttered.

"Yeah well I saw her at outside of the café after I had a little argument with her roommate Amy." Haley smirked before rolling her eyes in disgust.

"Why the hell is Peyton back now, what does she think is going to happen?" Lucas retorted bitterly as she stormed into his house. Haley soon followed him shutting the door behind him, hoping that she could keep the rest of the world or at least Tree Hill away from Lucas and Alex until Peyton and Brooke left.


	15. Chapter 15

Peyton slowly opened the hotel room door and closed it behind her, making sure that she was quiet so not to wake Amy. It was only 7:30 in the morning but she hated hotels and needed fresh air. She walked down the streets of Tree Hill. It was a Saturday so most people were still asleep, the streets would be crowded in about half an hour and that would be when she had to return to the hotel. She wasn't ready to face any of the people from her past, the only person she wanted to talk to was Alex. She need to talk to Lucas because she figured she owed him some sort of explanation, but there was no guarantee she would speak to him before she left.

Peyton glanced inside the stores, most of them just opening. She turned the corner and began walking down a very familiar street. The only place that was open was somewhere she knew she wouldn't be welcome, Karen's Café. She felt a tear slip form her eye as she stopped across the street from the café. She looked inside to see Karen wiping down the table tops as Haley prepared fresh coffee. She remembered Haley telling her once that she helped Karen when she had time on the weekends. Peyton smiled to herself, something in the town would never change.

Some things did change though. When she was a teen, most people ignored Peyton, or they stereotyped her. No one knew anything about her other then the fact that she was a cheerleader and she was Nathan Scott's former girlfriend. Now people in this town wouldn't need to stereotype, they all would know her as the girl that left town and then abandoned her daughter. She shook her head trying to make the thoughts go away, she couldn't afford anymore stress then the situation was already causing.

The more she shook her head the dizzier she became and the more the thoughts flooded her head. God how she had missed Alex. She missed her little girl's smile and they way she laughed. She missed their reading and their jokes. She missed talking and most of all she missed just holding her daughter in her arms. When she cried there was no one to hug her and tell her that things would be okay and there was no reason to cry. Amy had given up on trying to break Peyton out of her crying spells. The brunette eventually learned that nothing would help, they had to just wait it out until Peyton either calmed down or ran out of tears.

The blonde could feel herself swaying on her feet but she couldn't break her train of though no matter how hard she tried. "Peyton…" she felt a hand on her shoulder and Amy's voice rang through her ears. "You just left this morning didn't you.?" Amy questioned as she stood in front of the blonde. Peyton's face was full of tears and she looked straight past the brunette. "Peyton" Amy shook the girl in front of her until they finally locked eyes.

"I didn't want to." She responded as her breath caught in her throat.

"Peyt…" Amy began but the blonde shoved passed her and ran across the street, not paying attention to the car coming down the road. Karen and Haley each looked out the window as they heard tires screeching outside. They looked as to what had caused the car to stop so suddenly but saw nothing. They both spotted Amy across the street but their eyes were torn away from the brunette as the door opened and blonde curls flew past the counter and into the bathroom.

She slammed the door behind her and locked it before she slid back against the door. Tears poured from her eyes and her body shook violently as she brought her hand to her mouth. Haley threw the rag onto the counter as she made her way towards the bathroom door. She knocked hard against the wood but there was no answer. Peyton rocked back and forth, her knees tucked to her chest. Karen turned towards the door as it opened again and Amy rushed through. Haley turned around and glared at the taller brunette who just returned the evil stare.

"Peyton, sweetie it's Amy. Just open the door and we can leave." Amy pleaded as she stood impatiently. She had been through this before but it was always within their apartment and she never had somewhere trying to drill holes through her back with their eyes. "Peyton just take you bag then, I know that's what you want." She knocked lightly against the door and waited. It opened slightly, just enough for Amy to slip the small black bag through the crack. Five minutes later the door opened all the way and Peyton stepped into the café. She avoided Haley's hateful eyes at all cost. Her eyes looked to the floor as she walked to the door.

"Peyton…" Karen called out to the blonde. The older woman could see her hands shaking even as she moved father away.

"I'm sorry" Peyton whispered as the bells above the door rang and she and Amy left.

"What the hell was that" Haley asked as she looked back at Karen.

"Haley can you watch the café for about an hour. I just remembered that I was supposed to drop something off earlier." Karen undid her apron as the brunette nodded. She walked quickly out of the café and towards the closet hotel. They were walking which meant they couldn't be far. Karen walked up to the front desk of the hotel ten minutes later and rang the bell for a clerk.

"Hi can I help you" the young man across the desk asked.

"Umm I hope so…is there a Peyton Sawyer staying here" Karen looked at the man hopefully. He scanned the files on the computer and finally stopped.

"Yea there is, would you like me to deliver a message."

"Can I just have the room number?" Karen pleaded.

"I'm sorry Ms. I can't give out that information." The clerk apologized.

"Alright can you ask her to come down here" Karen watched the man nod and she moved over to one of the couches to wait. A few minutes later a familiar face appeared in the lobby but it wasn't Peyton.

"It's Karen right"

"Yes and your Amy" Karen watched as the brunette nodded. "I asked for Peyton."

"Yeah well she said she wasn't coming down." Amy responded bitterly. She didn't like any of theses people so far and she wasn't sure about what she supposed to do but this woman was definitely nicer then Haley.

"So why am I talking to you" Karen crossed her arms in front of her chest.

"Room 419" Amy replied as she handed Karen an electronic key. "Tell her I'll be back in an hour."

"Thank you" Karen commented as she watched Amy retreat out of the hotel. She walked slowly into the elevator and took the ride up to the fourth floor. Karen was nervous as she walked down the hall. She stopped in front of the door and knocked. She had no clue what she was going to say, but they needed to talk. When Peyton didn't answer Karen slowly slid the key through the door and turned the knob when it opened. "Peyton…" she called out into the room but there was still no answer. Karen cautiously stepped farther into the room only to find a thin blonde staring out the window.

"If your angry I understand, I would be too…just…please…don't yell." Peyton didn't turn around as she spoke, she just pulled her arms tighter around herself.

"I don't wanna yell…I just wanna talk"


	16. Chapter 16

"Why are you back Peyton?" Karen asked as she sat on the bed.

"Because I needed to see Alex. I'm not trying to take her from Haley…I just really need to see her." Peyton felt the tears start again and soon she tasting the salt on her lips.

"You mean from Lucas" Karen looked up and watched as the blonde turned around.

"How long?"

"She only stayed with Haley that first night she was here. She met Lucas and found out who he was the next day and she been living with him since." Karen noticed the small smiled on Peyton's face. Something was preventing the older woman from getting angry. Sure she was upset about what Peyton did, but somehow that young blonde still held a place in her heart.

"Is she happy…I mean…does she like it here…is she comfortable?" Peyton eyes glazed over again and soon the water slid down her cheeks. Her eyes held fright in them but Karen gave a warm smile and patter the open area next to her on the bed.

"Come sit down Peyton." The young girl obeyed and sat uncomfortably next to the woman.

"Please tell me how she is" the blonde begged as a knot formed in her throat. She looked longingly at Karen, hoping that she wouldn't be shut out of her daughter's life.

"Peyton…." Karen rested a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "Alex is doing fine. She and Lucas have a great connection and everyone here loves her. The only problem is that she missed her mother." Karen raised an eyebrow as she caught Peyton's eye for a brief second. Karen titled Peyton chin back up with her finger. "Peyton what happened?"

"Can we not…please…I just…Karen I can't." The tears started again, not that they ever stopped, they had just gotten worse.

"Okay…we leave the past in the past. What happened this morning?" Karen rested her hand on the blonde's leg.

"Nothing…I just started thinking and…it was nothing" she forced a smile as she looked up at the older women. The only person she would be able to talk to was Haley, but Haley wouldn't be willing to listen anymore. Haley hated her now and she would do anything to change that.

"They'll come around…she'll come around" Karen spoke gently. "If I tell her to come talk to you will you be okay with that." Karen asked quietly. Peyton still found it amazing that Karen knew what was going through her head.

"She won't come" she responded sadly.

"I'll get her to come and if not then you can just go visit her" Karen wrapped her arms around the blonde, but Peyton didn't return the hug, it just felt to awkward.

"Thank you Karen"

"I'll see you around Peyton" with that she left the room. She was determined to find out what was going on and the only was to do that was through Haley. The girl had a way of coercing things out of people. Karen laughed to herself as she retreated back to the café in hope of talking Haley into going to the hotel.

"So did you talk to her" Haley asked as soon as Karen walked through the door.

"Yes and I think you should go over there and talk to her now." Karen made her way behind the counter and was surprised to see Haley drop the rag and reach for her jacket.

"I'd love to" Haley spat bitterly as she made her way towards the door.

"She's in 419 at the hotel." Karen informed the determined brunette. "Haley don't scream and yell please. Just talk to her…something's wrong. I think you should find out what before you jump down her throat"

"Yeah sure" Haley responded as the café door closed behind her.


	17. Chapter 17

She heard the knocking on the door and it took her a few minutes but she eventually moved herself from the bed to the door. "Karen I thought you would be back at the café by…." She stopped as a petite brunette glared up at her. "Haley…"

"The one and only. How's life" her voice was cold and bitter, just as Peyton had expected it to be.

"Hales can you just go" Peyton shook her head, she wasn't ready for this yet, she didn't know when she gunna be able to face her friends, but now wasn't the time.

"Oh no…I came all the way over here just to see you…I think you can at least invite your old friend in" Haley smiled brightly in the blondes face as she shoved past her and walked into the room. "So looks life you've reverted back living out of motels."

"I've upgraded to hotels if you haven't noticed." Peyton rolled her eyes. "What do you want Haley" Peyton sat on the edge of the night stand as she watched Haley take Karen's spot on the bed.

"Simple…I want you to pack your crap and get the hell out of Tree Hill. You did it once before you should do it again." Haley picked at her nails like it was some nonchalant statement that had left her mouth.

"Not happening until I see my daughter."

"Lucas's daughter is fine without you and she doesn't need to see you." Haley glared at the blonde, who just glared back.

"She's still my daughter and I need to see her" Peyton crossed her arms over her chest and looked at her former friend. Six years ago she never would have thought that Haley would despise her.

"You abandoned her, you have no right to see her" Haley stood from the bed as her voice began to get louder.

"I have ever right to see her. What…do you think you can stop me Hales." Peyton stepped closer tot eh petite brunette.

"Number one…I don't want to hear you call me that ever again because you have lost all rights to that name. We are not friends and you're luck I even let you call me Haley. You should be calling me Mrs. Scott because we're not even acquaintances, we are just two people who happen to know each other."

"And I just happen to be the mother of your niece." Her hands were on her hips now as she glared downwards. She didn't wanna pick a fight with Haley, if anything she should be apologizing like crazy, but she wasn't in the mood for the brunette's games at the moment. She had asked her to leave but Haley refused and Peyton wasn't about to put up with the bitchiness.

"Do me a favor and shut up!" Haley raised a brow before she continued. "Number two…I am going to do everything in my power to keep Alex as far away from you as possible. And if I can't do it by myself the court will."

"What are you taking about" Peyton questioned as her stomach began to turn and her eyes grew wide.

"Lucas and I talked about it last night. If you cause any problems Alex won't be yours. We want you gone Peyton and we don't want Alex to know that you were ever here. If you and Amy don't pack your crap and leave within a time span to our liking, Lucas is suing for full custody." Haley looked up at Peyton with an innocent look on her face, but her eyes held a dangerous tint.

"Get out" Peyton said angrily. "GET THE HELL OUT!" she screamed at the top of her lungs as she shoved Haley backwards towards the door.

"As violent as you are…you'll never win, and just wait till the lawyer tacks on the fact that you abandoned her. You will never get Alex" Haley cooed as she opened the door. "I'll be seeing you Peyton" with that Haley let herself out of the room, closing the door silently behind her.

Peyton let out a violently scream as she ran her hand through her hair. She reached down to the nightstand and picked up the clock. The ticking of the second hand was pounding in her ears and she wanted the noise to just stop. Her eyes caught the bottom of the clock were a small inscription was printed. _"The fairytale love does is exist and it lived within a happy family."_ She gripped the clock tightly in her hands before throwing it as hard as she could against the door.

The blonde tore opened her suitcase and searched through her clothes frantically. Things were thrown across the room as she scanned all her belongings. "Peyton…" she didn't look up at the front door opened and closed. "Peyt…" she just continued flinging things around until she spotted the photo album. She had two of them…one she gave to Alex and the other she kept form herself. It was her high school memories that were locked away in that small book and at the moment she wanted to forget everything and everyone on those pages.

"I hate them…all of them" she screamed as she flung the book open and tore out the first page. Amy watched as Peyton ripped a picture and her and Lucas into shreds.

"Peyton stop" Amy ran over to the blonde and grabbed hold of her shoulder but Peyton shoved her away. The blonde just continued ripping pages out of the album, the more she looked at the pictures the more violently she tore them to pieces. "Peyton…" Amy grabbed her again but harder this time. The brunette held a firm grip as Peyton tired to maneuver out of her arms. "Peyt…just stop" the blonde didn't stop and for the next ten minutes the Amy tried to get the blonde to calm down. It wasn't until Peyton felt the energy drain from her body that she collapsed the floor and broke into sobs.

"They wanna take her from me….and they're gunna win." Peyton leaned forward over her bent knees as she rocked back and forth on the floor.

"What are you talking about?" Amy shook her head in confusion.

"Lucas…he wants full custody and they'll give it to him. Amy…." Peyton couldn't stop her body from rocking as she wrapped her arms tightly around herself. Her ears now held a constant ringing and Amy's words were nonexistent, so was the sound of an opening door. The blonde felt a hand on her back as she shook on the floor.

"Talk to me…" the voice was calm and it broke through the ringing. "Peyton…"

"Brooke…" she looked up for the first time to her former best friend's warm eyes gazing down at her. Brooke bent forward and wrapped her arm around the frail blonde, whispering into her ear, trying to calm her down.

"Please talk to me…" Brooke pleaded as she rested her head against the blonde curls. "I ran into Haley and she told me you were back. We don't really get along much anymore but apparently neither do you two. What happened…" the blonde didn't answer leading Brooke too look over at Amy. Her eyes caught sight of the spilled pills all over the floor before she met Amy's eyes. "Please...Peyton…"

Brooke pulled the blond to a sitting position as met her eyes. "They're gunna take her away" a new wave a tears escaped her already red eyes.

"Who?" Brooke questioned.

"What do you mean who, and why don't you hate me?" Peyton asked as her brows wrinkled.

"Peyt…I left this place about a year after you did." Brooke admitted as she forced a smile. "Right now I don't have a reason to hate your so talk to me. You always have been and always will be my best friend…no matter what. Talk to me P. Sawyer." Brooke smiled but Peyton didn't, she couldn't find a smile anymore.

"Alex" Peyton responded solemnly. Brooke wanted her to talk, so Peyton talked.


	18. Chapter 18

"Hey…Alex…." The little girl looked up and smiled as the friendly brunette. "I'm Brooke"

"Hi" Alex responded before going back to playing with her ball on the front lawn.

"I'm a friend of your mommy" Alex eyes glazed over and she refused to look at the brunette who was nearing her.

"I know…your in my photo album. She said you grew up together."

"That's right…we did. We were bestest friends." Brooke smiled as she knelt down in front of the little girl. "Where's your daddy"

"He's inside grading papers." Alex commented as she turned her back to Brooke. "I'm not supposed to talk to strangers" the blonde said suddenly.

"Well that's true but I'm not a stranger. Your daddy and you mommy both know me. And I have a surprise for you…your mommy came to visit and she wants to see you" Brooke could see the smile playing on the young girls lips. "I can take you to her" She watched as Alex turned.

"I can't. I have to stay in the yard. Aunt Haley and daddy always tell me not to leave the front yard unless they know." The smile disappeared from her face as she turned back to her ball.

"Well I talked to your daddy this morning and he knows that I'm gunna take you to your mommy." Brooke lifted the young girl's chin and they locked eyes. "Your mommy told me to show you this…she wanted you to know that she still has it and she still wears it all the times." Brooke dangled a locket in front of the young girls eyes, it was identical to the one around her neck. "She really misses you kiddo"

"My daddy said it was okay?" Alex questioned as a small flicker of hope shined in her eyes.

"Yes he did" Brooke smiled as she reached out her hand.

"Okay" Alex placed her hand in the brunette's and they walked towards the car. Brooke strapped the small blonde into the back seat before she walked back to the front door of the house. She quickly taped a note to Lucas's front door before heading back to the car and leaving.

_Lucas,_

_Don't panic, Alex is fine and this isn't a kidnapping not, well not really. I took her because she needs to see her mother and you weren't willing to let that happened. Sorry to intervene. I'll have her back to you this evening, and I promise she will be fine. I should be back around 7pm but if I'm going to be later then that I promise to call and let you know. Don't worry too much, even though I already know you will. Anyway, I'll see you later. –Brooke_


	19. Chapter 19

Peyton sat anxiously on the edge of the bed. Amy had helped clean up the mess from earlier and now all she could do was wait. Most of Brooke's plans had ended in trouble back when they were in high school…Peyton couldn't help but fear that was going to happen again. Stealing Alex didn't seem right but she had to see her little girl and she didn't know what to do. Peyton's head jolted up as the room door slowly opened. Peyton stood from the bed as she played with her fingers. "Mommy" the little girl screamed as she ran into the room.

"Oh God…" Peyton dropped to her knees and wrapped her arms tightly around her daughter. "Ohh I miss you so much baby" Peyton cried as her tears soaked through her daughter's shirt.

"I miss you to mommy" Alex buried her face into her mother's neck, almost scared that if she let go Peyton would disappear.

"Ally I'm so sorry?" Peyton pulled back from the little girl and moved the tucked the curls behind her small ears. "I never meant to leave for so long, I promise I didn't meant to."

"It's okay…you came back" Alex wiped the tears from her mother's eyes like she used to do on many nights. "Look…this one is yours." Alex dug into her pocket and pulled out the small silver locket.

"Yes it is" She smiled as she retrieved the locket from her daughter's hands. She slipped it on and smiled as she gripped it in her fingers. "I really missed you" Peyton whispered as se cooked her head to the side. For the first time she noticed how much Alex had grown, it really had been two years and things had changed. "How are you and your daddy doing?" She needed to make sure that Alex really felt okay in Tree Hill.

"We're good. He and Uncle Nathan take me to the park a lot and we play basketball and Uncle Nathan lets me dunk the ball." She smiled widely and Peyton could only laugh at the enthusiasm. "Guess what I did yesterday" Peyton watched as the child's eyes grew wide.

"What did you do" she asked, mocking the excitement.

"My class went to the museum" Peyton smiled but it was forced. She hadn't thought about the fact that she had missed her daughter's first day of kindergarten, she had missed a lot more then she planned to.

"That's great babe" Peyton kissed Alex on the forehead before standing up. She lifted Alex into her arms and watched as Amy frowned but the blonde just glared back. "Guess what I brought with me?" The two blondes made their way into the kitchen.

"Cookies" Alex squealed as she spotted the bag and all the ingredients out on the counter. "Can we make them now?" she stuck her lip and the older blonde just laughed.

"Only if I get a kiss" Peyton raised a brow and watched as Alex giggled before leaning in and wrapping her arms around her mother's neck and pushed her lips against Peyton's cheek. "I missed you jitter bug" Peyton stuck her tongue out and watched as her daughter did the same. They had 8 hours together before Brooke had to take her home. Peyton pushed the thought out of her head as she slid a chair over to the counter for Alex to stand on. She already knew this day was going to speed by.

There was only an hour left before Alex had to go home. They had spent the entire day doing stupid things in the hotel, but neither of them cared so long as they did it together. Peyton and Brooke were now teaching Alex and Amy their old high school cheers.

"If it's action that you're craving go and get yourself a Raven- I said go Ravens go mighty Ravens" The watched as the two former cheerleaders clapped their hands and the arms into the right positions.

"I wanna learn that one" Alex jumped off the bed and ran to stand beside her mother, but they were interrupted by the ringing phone.

"Hold on babe" Peyton walked over and picked up the phone with a smile on her face. "Hello"

"Miss Sawyer…" the woman on the other line questioned.

"This is she" Peyton was still smiling as she watched Brooke she the tiny blonde how to move her arms.

"This is Tree Hill County Memorial, we got in touch with the doctor and we have what you requested." The lady spoke calmly.

"Oh thanks, I'll be by soon." Peyton hung up the phone and gave Amy a look that let her know who was calling. "Okay this is the last one we gotta get you home jitter bug."

"Do I have to go back…I wanna stay with you…" Alex pleaded as her eyes swelled with tears.

"Sweetie you have to go back…I'll be right here though." Peyton wrapped her arms around the little girl as tears slipped from her own eyes.

"Actaully Peyton we have to go now, you gotta get her home by 7 and we have to make a stop first." Amy informed her sadly.

"Alright." Peyton used all her energy to lift her daughter into her arms before they left the hotel room, only Amy staying behind. The car ride was quite, no one wanted to talk and Peyton and Alex just cried.

"Where am I stopping" Brooke asked.

"The hospital." Peyton replied dully from the passenger seat.

"Well look who just turned down that road" the brunette spat bitterly. Karen had convinced Lucas to let Alex go for the day and he in turn blocked out everything Haley said about going to get his daughter. It was against his better judgment but his mom was certain that Alex would be fine. "I'm following them. They are supposed to be bringing her back now and that's not the way to your house."

"I can see that Haley, and I also know that I cant stop you from following them" Lucas leaned back in his seat and impatiently waited at the red light as did Haley. As hard as he was trying to stay calm all he wanted was his little girl back in his arms, safe and sound. The brunette sped off as soon as the light was green, determined not to lose Brooke's car. "What the hell are we doing here" Lucas sat straight up as he watched Brooke stop the car in front of the ER entrance to the hospital. He and Haley looked at each other before she sped around the parking lot and got ready to pull in behind Brooke.

"Mommy can I come." Alex asked from the backseat and Peyton just nodded. The older blonde stepped out of the car and quickly lifted her daughter form the back seat and made her way to the entrance.

"What the hell is going on Peyton." The blonde spun around only to come face to face with Haley. The petite brunette caught the blonde off guard as she snatched Alex from her mother.

"So you take Alex for one day and you have to bring her to the hospital." Lucas was now the one standing in front of Peyton

"Back off, Alex is fine" Brooke got out of the car and made her way towards Peyton.

"You get the hell out of my face before I have you arrested for kidnapping." Lucas glared down at the brunette. He was more pissed at her then at Peyton.

"All I did was bring her to her mother" the brunette retorted as they watched Lucas take Alex into his arms. The small child had tears streaming down her face and she watched her mother's pale face.

"Well I hope you enjoyed your day Peyton because I'm filing for custody" Lucas turned around and walked back to the car. Haley gave the other two girls one last glare before going back to the car.

Peyton stood there, shocked. Had she really just lost her daughter? The more she thought about it the more her throat constricted. She coughed a few times before it turned into a violent heave. "Peyton…" Brooke turned to face the blonde who was now holding the back of her hand over her mouth. Brooke watched as Peyton walked down the sidewalk, away from the car. Peyt, I'll drive you back to the hotel."

"No" Peyton whispered, it was all she could get out. The blonde walked slowly into the parking lot, all sorts of thoughts reeling through her head. Her daughter wasn't going to be hers anymore and that was one thought she couldn't fully comprehend. As she stepped onto the pavement everything started to spin like it had this morning.

"Can I ask you one question Peyton." Lucas had finished strapping his daughter in and he was now standing next to an open car door. The other blonde didn't sop walking. "Why now….why are you back. You said you don't wanna take Alex and you sure as hell aren't welcome so why? Did you just want to give Alex false hope make her think that she had her mother back and then you could leave and say that you kept your promise and returned." Lucas was screaming now. "Why Peyton….WHAT THE HELL POSESSED YOU TO COME BACK…WHY AFTER TWO YEARS ARE YOU SO DAMN DETERMINED TO SEE HER! WHY!"

"because" Peyton whispered as she slowed her pace and continued to cough, her hand now stained red.

"BECAUSE WHAT!" Lucas screamed from the car.

"BECAUSE I'M DYING…IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED TO HEAR!" She didn't bother to turn around she didn't want to see him. It was almost identical to the feeling she had earlier…the only difference was that this time her world went black.

"PEYTON!" Brooke screamed as she ran over to her best friend, lying lifeless on the black top. "Peyton wake up" Brooke pleaded as she lifted the blonde's head into her lap. "Please…" the brunette whispered right before Lucas lifted Peyton's body from the ground, rushing into the ER.

"I need a doctor." Lucas ran up to the nurses station and watched a few guys ran towards him. Before he knew it he was holding a crying Alex in his arm and he, Haley, and Brooke were standing in the hall waiting to here anything. It was about fifteen minutes later when Amy came running through the doors.

"Amy I thought she told me everything…she said she was going to be fine." Brooke whispered as tears poured from her eyes. Amy's eyes shifted down to the floor.

"She lied…we came back because she wanted to see Alex…she needed to." Amy looked up at Lucas whose eyes were now blank. "She was sick and it went away…we thought everything was fine and then one day it just came back. It got worse and worse and she quit her job. Between her doctor appointments and constant fatigue we didn't have the time or the money to take care of Alex anymore. It was just supposed to be until Peyton got better, she was supposed to rest and take the pills and do the therapy and everything was supposed to be fine." The watched as tears slid down the brunettes cheeks. "I brought Alex down here because Peyton said she could trust all of you to take good care of her…because she couldn't anymore…she didn't have it in her. The more she tired the sicker she got and she wanted to get better for Alex. She said she wasn't being a real mother anymore because all she did was sleep. If she wasn't sleeping she either wasn't home or she was doped up, she just wasn't herself anymore. She hated leaving Ally with babysitters all the time and she said it would be better if Alex was with family and I agreed. It never got better" They looked at Amy and then to the closed doors. They waited because they refused to accept what Peyton and Amy had said…things had to get better.


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey man…how's she doing" the blonde looked behind him and just shook his head.

"I don't know Nate. Amy won't tell me anything and the doctor's won't tell me anything because Amy told them not to." Lucas sighed in frustration. "I had to beg her to let me come in here. She doesn't trust me and to be honest I don't blame her."

"Look…bro this isn't your fault. You didn't know, none of us did. We were all pissed when she came back so if your gunna blame yourself you gotta blame us all." Nathan stepped closer to his brother and rested a hand on his shoulder.

"How's Haley?" Lucas stood from his seat next to the hospital bed, letting Peyton's hand fall on the cotton sheets.

"Beating herself up over this whole thing. It's not blaming herself for Peyton getting sick or anything…it's more of wondering why she didn't know. Almost six years and we talked to Peyton every week…how could we not know about this. She doesn't get it and neither do I" the younger Scott admitted.

"Peyton's always been the most secretive person we know." Lucas pushed the knot in his throat back down before speaking again. "Look, I'm gunna get out of here for the day. I've been here for awhile and I gotta go get Alex from school. Besides, Brooke will be in here soon and we can't be in the same room, we tried already and it just won't work." He forced a laugh.

"Well you've got that right and considering I'm here now, I'm kinda thinking you should leave" The two Scotts looked towards the door to find Brooke standing there with her hands on her hips. The both shook their heads as they walked towards the door. "Bye now" Brooke spat bitterly as she moved out their way.

"Last time I saw Brooke she hated Peyton...why does she suddenly have the right to kick you out the room?" Nathan asked as he looked up at his brother.

"She doesn't hate her and I don't think she ever did. They're best friends and that…" Lucas motioned to the open door to Peyton's room. "…that gives her the right." Nathan followed Lucas's gaze to find Brooke hunched over the blonde's bed. He listened as Brooke spoke to the sleeping figure, her voice cracking in carious places.

"Hey Blondie…how ya doing babe?" Brooke rested her hand on Peyton forehead, moving a few curls from her face. "We all miss you, so you gotta open your eyes for us. Come on Pey…please…" They could both see the tears sliding down the brunette's cheeks and they watched as she laid down next to the motionless blonde.

"We can't be near each other…and I'm not about to make her leave" Lucas stated simply as he turned away and retreated down the hall. Nathan took once last glance into the room before following his brother out of the hospital.

"Hey you two" Amy whispered as she entered the hospital room. Brooke turned and smiled at the brunette before going back to painting Peyton's nails.

"I have nothing do with myself so I figured there's no reason that she can't have a good manicure." Brooke laughed to herself.

"I agree" Amy pulled a chair up to the bed and sat next to Brooke. She watched Brooke position Peyton's hand's carefully so she would have access to her nail, that was until they heard a slight moan from the bed.

"Peyton…" Brooke set the nail polish on the side table and stood up, hovering next to the blonde's body. "Come on…open your eyes…come on Pey…" Brooke's eyes were hopeful and the tears Brooke free when hazel eyes slowly met hers. "Hey you…"

"Brooke…" Peyton inhaled sharply. "What happened?"

"You passed out…but it's okay…you're fine now" Brooke smiled genuinely.

"You just couldn't stand not being able to see me before I left" Amy joked as she stood next to Brooke.

"What do you mean…we don't have to leave for another week." Peyton's brows furrowed in confusion.

"No…actually I was supposed to leave yesterday…hun you've been out for a little over a week." Amy brushed a stray curl from the blonde's face as she spoke.

"Do you have to go" Peyton looked up at the girl who had been with her every step of the way for the past six years.

"Yeah…but hey you get to stay with Brooke. I offered to send your stuff down here but missy refused. She said she's gunna get you a whole new wardrobe." The three of them laughed lightly before Amy bent down and hugged the slim blonde. "I'm gunna miss you Peyton…but I'll be back and you'll always have a place to sneak away to. It'll be equipped with a room and all your clothes too." Peyton smiled slightly and nodded at the taller brunette.

"I'll miss you too"

"I know you will…but if I don't get out of here now I'm never gunna get back to VA...I've gotta long drive ahead of me." Amy rolled her eyes before glancing back towards Peyton.

"Take care of yourself…" Peyton whispered.

"You too" Amy said as she stepped backwards towards the door. She hated leaving but she knew she had to get back home and more importantly she needed to let Peyton get her life back together. Amy waved before turning around and walking out, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Bye" the blonde whispered to the empty doorway.

"What? I'm not good enough for you anymore?" Brooke was hoping to get a smile and was glad when she did.

"Do you still have your old house?" Peyton asked as Brooke sat back down in her chair.

"Yea…my parents wanted to sell the place a few years back but I couldn't give up the house I lived in my whole life…so I bought it from them. I come back here every now and then but no one ever sees me. It's just a place where I can get away and feel comfortable…you know…really feel at home." Brooke shrugged her shoulders.

"How's Alex" Peyton inquired.

"I'm not sure…I haven't seen her since that day. Lucas won't bring her here to see you, but I don't think it's because of the same reasons anymore" Brooke gave an incorigningly smile which the blonde returned but they both knew the smiles were fake.

"I'm glad you're back P. Sawyer." Brooke leaned forward and embraced her best friend again.

"Me too B. Davis, me too."


	21. Chapter 21

Peyton's POV

I sat on the edge of the bed as I watched as Brooke sauntered into my hospital room. I was finally getting out of here and I couldn't be happier, but the smug smile on her face was beginning to make me nervous. "Hey P. Sawyer" her voice was nonchalant but she was definitely hiding something.

"Brooke what's going on" I looked at her waiting and her face was suddenly overcome by mock shock.

"Well your getting out of this horrible place…what else would be going on."

"Brooke…" I waited, over the year I had learned to be beyond patient with Brooke. Or maybe I had only learned to pretend to be patient because right now I was getting frustrated.

"Okay okay…I cant carry you so I figured you could use some help." As soon as the words left her mouth I watched Alex come running through the open door. I was still weak but I found the energy to lift my little girl into my arms. It felt like I hadn't seen her in forever. I started feeling lightheaded, but I shoved the feeling aside, I refused to be sick now.

"I missed you so much…" I whispered into her hair as I rocked back and forth with her. I held her tight and refused to let go…part of me feared that if I did let her go she would be gone and this moment wouldn't be real.

"I missed you too" her voice was all I needed to get another sudden burst of energy. I felt the tears slide down my cheek, but I just let them falls. I don't know what kind of tears they are, probably happy and sad…I'd like to think that they are mostly happy tears though.

"P Sawyer" I looked up towards Brooke and me heart nearly skipped a beat…out of fear or happiness, I don't really know.

"Hey Peyt…" he said my name softly, like it was something fragile.

"Hey…" where do we go from here…I don't know and I don't think he does either. I closed my eyes and buried my head into Alex's neck. I didn't want to worry about anything right now…I don't have the energy to focus on anything other than Alex. It was a few seconds later that I felt the bed sink beside my and his legs touched mine. I felt his arms wrap around me and I let myself fall into his chest.

"I'm so sorry" He whispered as he pulled me closer to him. For right now this is where we stood…this is where we are…but we both know its not as simple as I'm sorry.

It's never that simple.

General POV

Its been a week since she's gotten out the hospital. Brooke and Amy had made an important decision and it wasn't until now that the two blondes were finding out about it. They had taken Alex to the park and made small talk while she played. They avoided any big issues because they wanted to avoid arguments.

It was late when the threesome walked back into the house and they were shocked to see Brooke sitting on the steps. Over the week she and Lucas had just avoided each other. If they were in the same room they didn't speak to each other.

"Brooke what are you doing here…I thought Lucas dropping me off at your house later." Peyton looked at the brunette.

"Well he won't be doing that anymore." Brooke forced a smile as she looked at her ex. Lucas rolled eyes before looking down at his daughter.

"Alex…can you do me a favor and go play in the backyard. I think Rocket's been lonely all day and he could use some company." They all watched as Alex ran down that hall and as soon as she was out of sight the two blondes focused their attention back on Brooke. "Now what were you saying"

"Okay look…I don't know what you two are gunna say about this and I really don't care, because it's been decided already. Amy and I talked this over while blondie was knocked out and we decided to have all her things shipped here. Now I know Amy told you that she was gunna ship your stuff to Tree Hill, but when I say here…I kinda of mean this house. I talked to Nathan and Haley and they both agree because they feel it's the best thing for Alex. So they helped me get all Peyton's things in here and we picked a room upstairs because we figured forcing you two into the same house was bad enough…you don't need to be in the same room. Anyway…if you two decide against this it's up to you to find somewhere for Peyton to stay because she can't stay in my house or the other Scott residence. I also wouldn't suggest trying to go back to Amy's because she had your entire medical information transferred down here and she found you a new doctor. Your whole life is now in Tree Hill P. Sawyer." Brooke took a deep breath as she looked at Peyton's shocked face. Lucas just looked confused, like he was still processing all of what the brunette had said.

"I don't have a problem with it" Lucas commented as he snapped back to reality. "I think it would be good for Alex." He looked at Peyton and waited for a response.

"I don't know" the smaller blonde shook her head.

"It you don't stay here then you're gunna be living in another apartment." Brooke informed her best friend.

"Wait…if she said she wouldn't say here you really wouldn't let her go back to your place?" Lucas's eyes grew wide as he watched Brooke shake her head, indicating a no.

"How could you do that"

"Because I much as I dislike you…I know you. You would never let her stay anywhere by herself and that's why you were so quick to accept it. Like I said…this is good for Alex, and I can depend on you to make sure that she's physically okay. Mentally…well I'm not depending on you for that…I know better." Lucas shook his head and took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"Look…I think Peyton and I are fine for now…so you can leave." Lucas opened the door and watched as Brooke hugged Peyton and left, but not before sending another glare in his direction. "Peyton can you just give this a try please"

"Lucas…I don't know…I mean yeah this would be great for Alex and it would make her so happy…but…" She looked down to the floor before moving over to the steps and taking Brooke's previous seat. Lucas sat down next to her.

"Pey if it doesn't work I'll go with you to find an apartment that's close by, I won't make you stay here." Something about him using her nickname made her feel comfortable and she nodded. "Is that a yes"

"Yeah" She looked up at him and smiled slightly, a gesture he returned as he leaned down and kissed her forehead lightly.


	22. Chapter 22

"Is it ever gunna end"

"What?"

"This damn game you keep playing. One minute your fine and laughing, acting like everything is great and the next all you wanna do is bitch"

"Sorry to inconvenience you"

"This has nothing to do with inconvenience…it has to do with you picking damn fights all the time and I'm tired of it. You wanna fight over the stupidest things and then they turn into something huge." He watched her get up from the couch. "What do we have here…could it be that she's leaving again? Well what could I expect…that what you always do…pick a fight and walk out."

"So maybe I just shouldn't come back this time…would that make you happy"

"You always come back…and then a week from now we're right back in this same position and you'll walk out again. Commitment…it's a big scary word isn't it."

"No but you're an ass"

"Why don't you just admit that you're scared? Isn't that why you're always running away?"

"Of coarse…you said it after all...so it must be true. I mean you know so damn much about me…so let me just take your word for it…I'm obviously scared."

"Oh how I love your damn sarcasm. I can't help but wonder why I'm still standing here and why I keep having this same damn argument with you. What the hell is the point…are you ever gunna open up and make some kind of change?"

"Why should I…" she grabbed the lamp from the side table and launched it at him. "…just to make you happy I don't think so."

"Jesus…" he ducked and listened to the lamp hit the wall, shattering around him. "…you can be such a cold hearted bitch sometimes." Her hand grabbed the doorknob and flung the door open, she turned back to glare at him. "GO ahead and leave…that's what you do best isn't it.

"Fuck you" he watched as she spun on her heel and walked out the door, slamming it hard behind her. She had known two months ago that things wouldn't stay simple.

Brooke jumped slightly when she heard the knocking at her door. She wasn't expecting anyone…that meant it was Peyton. It had become a weekly thing for a livid Peyton to show up at Brooke's front door, ready to scream and yell about Lucas. The brunette dragged her feet towards the front door and pulled it open. She was shocked to find her best friend standing there with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Peyt…" She pulled the blonde into a tight hug.

"I can't stay there anymore…I just can't do it." Peyton pulled away from the brunette, her eyes bright red.

"What happened"

"What else…we got into another fight. That's all we do Brooke…we just fight and then for a week we're civil to each other but it never lasts." She shook her head in defeat.

"But you're always mad after you guys fight…he's never actually made you cry." Brooke led the blonde over to the couch and the two sat down, Brooke with her arm around Peyton's hunched shoulders.

"He didn't make me cry…none of this is his fault. He's right…I'm the one that keeps picking fights and he just gets stuck putting up with my BS."

"What were you fighting about this time." 

"He went in my room for something and he accidentally knocked over my art portfolio and all my drawing fell on the floor. I went into my room and saw him trying to put everything back in order and I just went off on him. He kept telling me that he was sorry and he didn't mean to but I just kept screaming at him and then I stormed downstairs. He followed me and when I slapped him he stopped apologizing and it turned into another screaming match." She buried her face in her hands and Brooke rubbed her back, trying to calm her down.

"Peyton you have to stop doing this sweetie. Why do you wanna fight with him?"

"I don't…I hate it when we fight and I keep thinking that one day Alex is gunna come home in the middle of it and then what? Lucas and I just can't live in the same house, its not working." Brooke was about to respond when someone else began knocking on her door.

"Hold on" the brunette reluctantly removed herself from the couch and returned to the front door. "What are you doing here" she spat bitterly when she opened the door and found Lucas staring back at her.

"Brooke I…" he began but she cut him off.

"God…she said she slapped you." Brooke placed a finger under his chin and turned his head to the side, revealing three red lines along his cheek.

"Yeah…more like she clawed me."

"Hmm" the brunette raised a brow and smirked. "Not bad P. Sawyer" Lucas snatched his face away from her and glared down at the smirking brunette.

"Brooke where is she…and I'm not here to fight with her anymore." Lucas shoved past the brunette knowing she would let him into the house otherwise.

"I don't know but you can nicely remove you rude ass from my house." Brooke grabbed his arm but he tore away from her grasp.

"I'm right here" Peyton stated as she turned the corner to face Lucas. He was shocked to see her tear stained face…he never knew what happened after their fights he just knew that Brooke always brought her home sometime late that night. "What do you want?" she didn't look up, instead her eyes stayed on the wooden floor beneath her.

"Look I told you from the beginning that if we couldn't make this work I would help you look for an apartment nearby. I'm not doing this anymore Peyton, I can't and I won't risk Alex coming home to us fighting…and I'm sick of her worrying where you are when she gets home from school." 

"I'm going into to town for about half an hour…just let me know what you two decide." Brooke stated as she walked out the front door, giving the two blondes their privacy.

Peyton moved back over the couch and buried her face in her hands once again. "Lucas what's wrong with me?" She questioned when she felt him sit beside her. He pulled her into his arms and kissed the top of her head.

"Nothings wrong with you." He answered as he watched the tears stream down her face.

"Then why do I keep doing this?" she tore away from him and looked up into his eyes, waiting for some kind of response.

"I honestly don't know Pey but it doesn't mean something wrong with you. What your going through right now, it isn't easy and I know your stressed out and that's part of why you're like this. Pey anemia makes you tired and you should be sleeping properly, but you're not. According to the doctors you should spend most of your time sleeping but the only time you spend more then 5 hours in bed is when you pass out."

"God…I hate this" Peyton choked out as she stood from the couch and began pacing the room. Lucas just watched her from his seat, worry evident in his eyes. "I hate talking about it, I hate going to the doctors and I hate all this damn medication. What's the point…none of them work anyway…my body just keeps rejecting them."

"Peyon calm down…" Lucas made his way over to her and rested his hand on her shoulder.

"Don't tell me to calm down…damnit…I wish everyone would stop telling me what to do" she tore away from him. "I wish I was the one in control of my life instead of this damn anemia…hell I couldn't even get the normal anemia..." She let out a bitter laugh as she began pacing again, running her hands through her curls. She could feel herself slowly getting more tired with each step. "…no I get stuck with Thrombocythemia and then to top it off all the damn treatments stop working." The tears poured violently from her eyes and she stopped in front of Lucas again. "It's…it's not fair" She bit her lip and let him pull her small body into his.

"I know…" he whispered but she once again broke away.

"No you don't. All of you keep saying that you know and you don't. You're not dealing with any of this…I am…me…not you." She shoved him before beginning to walk towards the other side of the room. She began coughing, her hand instinctively moving to her mouth. She stopped moving, her legs wouldn't allow her to go any further. The cough was dry at first but she soon felt the blood in her hand as her breath got caught in her through. Her gasp was high pitched as he head titled backwards, a constricting pain radiating through her chest.

"Peyton…" Lucas moved and caught her limp figure just before she hit the floor.


	23. Chapter 23

"Hey" he whispered as leaned forward, his hand grabbing hers. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and she focused on his concerned face. She looked around and noticed she wasn't in her room…she was in his.

"I passed out again…" she concluded…that was the only time she woke up in his bed.

"Yeah…but it was only for about an hour this time so I figured we could skip the hospital visit." He smiled down at her.

"Thanks Luke…" Peyton turned her head away from him and gazed out the window. "Shouldn't Alex be home by now?" She attempted to sit up but was immediately met with lightheadedness.

"Take it easy" Lucas whispered as he moved his hand behind her head and gently laid her back on the bed. The defeated look in her eyes was slowly tearing his heart to pieces. The Peyton he knew was the strongest person he had ever met, but with each passing day that strength was slipping away. "Brooke took her out for the evening…she wants us to work this out"

"What do you want?" she was scared of the response. If he was tired of putting up with her it meant that she was gunna be living on her own. She couldn't take living on her own right now. Although she refused to let Lucas in she knew that she needed him. She needed Alex too and if she moved out Alex would have to stay with Lucas.

"I don't wanna do this anymore" there was his answer and it killed any last bit of hope she had. Her life was slowly slipping away from her and now her already torn family was being completely ripped away. She forced her self to sit up and then turned her head to the side, worried about the tears that were building in her eyes. Lucas lifted her chin and turned her face back towards him. "I don't wanna fight…but I think we can make this work."

"How can you believe that…after everything that's happened already" She shook her head but his finger remained in place.

"Because I want it to work. All I need is for you to trust me. Peyton let me in…you can't do this by yourself. Your using all your energy to do this on your own but you don't have to…it's okay to need help…it doesn't make you any weaker." He watched as the tears spilled over her eyes. He knew that it had always been hard for her to let people in and it was only getting harder now.

She opened her mouth to say something but there were no words. She didn't know what to do anymore. She looked into his eyes…searching for a sense what he was feeling. She needed to know what was behind his words. After everything that had happened her mind refused to trust that he could forgive her that easily.

He watched her search his eyes…he didn't know what for but if that's what she needed to feel comfortable he was willing to sit there. She was lost and he could see it. Throughout high school he had learned to read her eyes and since then he had been able to see past her facades. "Trust me" his voice was gentle as he watched more tears cascade down her pale face.

"I want to" she closed her eyes, finally breaking the contact they had held for over a minute. His finger moved from under her chin and instead he let his hand gently cup her face.

"So do it" her eyes remained closed as his voice flowed through her head.

"I can't" She shook her head as her hands began trembling. She threw her feet over the side of the bed and lifted herself to her feet, shoving the pounding in her head to the side. She forced her feet to move as she went to the door.

"Peyton…please" Lucas called out as he got up and went after her,

"Lucas…just….don't okay…please don't." she kept moving until he grabbed her arm. She spun around to look at him, her intent was to pull her arm away but instead she just looked at him. His eyes were pleaded with her…he really did mean what he said but that wasn't enough for her to give in.

"Peyton please" he refused to take his eyes of her…he wanted them to work…he needed them to work. The idea of a family was something he was something he was beginning to want and for that he needed Peyton's trust.

"Lucas…I…" she closed her eyes…hoping for the whole day to disappear. She opened her mouth to speak and once again she found herself speechless…however this time it was because his lips were against hers. She pulled herself away from him, the shock evident on her face as on his. He hadn't planned on doing that but he found himself leaning in again. She watched him move closer to her but she didn't move away. He found her lips again as he snaked his arms around her waist, pulling her into him. His hands played with the hem of her shirt as he felt her relax into him.

She pulled away from him suddenly, fear burning behind her eyes. "I can't…I…I'm sorry" She stepped back towards the door.

"Peyton…" he didn't have anything to say and so he watched her walk out the door.


	24. Chapter 24

She found comfort in her room for the next hour. She was scared to step out into the house because she knew she would run into him. Peyton had no clue what had happened in Lucas's room but it made her think. She didn't know what any of it meant…it was too much confusion for her already spinning mind. She was torn away from her thought by a knock on her door.

"Hey" he gave a small smile when she opened the door. She merely looked at him as she held onto the side of the door. She had gone against her mind and opened the door because her heart begged her to.

"Hi" her voice was low and unsure.

"Can I come in" she looked up at him for a few seconds before stepping away from the door and allowing him entrance. Peyton sat on the edge of the bed as her eyes traced the floor below her. She wanted to avoid his eyes at all cost. She hated the fact that he cared because it made shutting him out harder. "Peyton I don't want you to leave because of…what happened."

"I don't know if I can stay here Lucas" she still wouldn't look at him. She was determined to remain strong.

"If you can't I understand and I won't make you stay…but please don't go. I want you to stay and I know Alex does." Although he wanted to, he didn't move any closer to her.

"How can you want me here…all we do is fight. And besides that…Lucas I took your daughter from you and then just left her here without saying anything to anyone…how can you just be okay with that?" Her eyes finally met his. This was the question she had been dying to ask since he brought Alex to her in the hospital room. None of it made sense to her.

"Peyton that was all in the past"

"But it doesn't matter…I fucked up Lucas…big time…how can you just up and forgive me."

"Because its not important Peyton…it doesn't matter anymore. We can't go back and change any of that now and it's pointless to waste time fighting about things we can't change. I get why you left Alex here and I can't hold that against you. You didn't do it because you just decided you didn't want her. Giving her up was something extremely hard for you and you did it because you love her. I don't have any doubts about that Peyton…you wanted to be a better mother so you sent her here so you could get better. Besides, I met my daughter and I couldn't be happier about that. The only thing that bothers me is you leaving to begin with."

"I was 17 and pregnant. Lucas, I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I was going to tell you and then things just took a different turn." She shook her head in defeat.

"Why didn't you just tell me Peyton…what could have happened that made you think you couldn't come to me"

"Brooke happened Lucas…she….I went to tell you that night at the lake and then she happened." Peyton ran a hand through her curls as she watched Lucas sort through his memories. She knew when it hit him because he had a look of sympathy on his face.

"That was the night she told me she was pregnant and then you pushed me away." A look of hurt cascaded over his face as he remembered the day after….the day she told him she never cared.

"I didn't know what else to do…I didn't wanna put that on you so I left." Tears fell from her hazel eyes as she spoke.

"Peyton I have to know…"

"I didn't mean it…I just needed you to let me go. I could handle it but I knew Brooke was going to need you…"

"You never should have left…if you had stayed just another day you would've known it was a false alarm. We thought it was real and we planed to make things work between us. But then things happened, including her lying to me and telling me she was definitely pregnant after the doctor told her she wasn't. She never forgave me and I never forgave her." 

"But like you said we can't go back and change the past." He could hear the sadness in her voice as he bent down in front of her.

"No we can't but that still doesn't decide the future. Peyton…I still don't want you to go." His hand found its way onto her leg.

"But what's gunna happen if I stay here Lucas…" she looked down at his hand and then back up at him. "I don't know what to do Lucas…I'm used to having some kind of idea about what to do but this time there's nothing. I already have one reason to wanna live….I don't want another. I can't have another because it's too much already. I can't change what's going to happen but I can stop it from getting any worse then it already is. If I let you in…then we both have something to lose down the line and I don't know how long that line is" she looked down at his hand as it encompassed hers.

"But what happens if you keep shutting me out and then you miss out on something great. Peyt…what we had in high school was amazing….what if now it could be better. You're gunna live Peyton…for a long time…don't let yourself believe otherwise. Don't limit yourself because your scared. You might regret it"

"I know that Lucas and that's why I don't know what to do. I'm scared to let you in and I'm scared to push you away because either way I could lose."

"You don't have to move in leaps and bounds Peyt…take your time. you don't have to let me in right now but just don't push me away any further then you already have."

"Luke I'm just scared"

"And nothing's wrong with that…you're allowed to not know and to be scared about things. Just don't let fear control your life."

"Lucas …I'm sorry" She broke away from his grasp and stood from the bed. She didn't turn to look at him…she just moved to the window across the room.

"It's okay" he wanted to go over to her but he walked away instead. The door closed just as she collapsed to the floor…her body racked with sobs. It was a few minutes later that Brooke was wrapping the blonde in her arms.

"What happened earlier today Peyton…it had to be something…." Brooke pulled back and forced her best friend to look at her.

"I had my doctor's appointment today. Lucas is convinced that things will be okay but the treatment still isn't working and I just keep getting worse. They put me on some kind of radiation therapy today and it's already draining me Brooke. I'm dying and he wants me to let him in and I just can't." the tears poured form her eyes as she sat on the hard wooden floor.

"For starters you are not going to die. Second…what happens when you let him in…you have someone to be there for you. You have a family and chance as happiness for not only you but your daughter as well. What's so bad about that Peyton?" the blonde turned her head away as more tears began to form.

"Look I have to go…its getting late and I have an appointment in the morning. Just promise me you'll think things over tonight…okay?"

"Okay" her voice was barley audible but it satisfied the brunette. Brooke embraced Peyton on last time before getting up from the floor and leaving for the night. Over the next two hours the blonde moved from the floor to the bed but her mind remained torn.

It was after 9 when she made her way downstairs and into the kitchen. She was hoping that Lucas would be asleep but he was sitting at the table grading papers. He looked up when she opened the cabinet. "Alex is already asleep…I told her we could go out somewhere tomorrow since it's a Saturday." He didn't make eye contact with her when he spoke, he barley looked at her. She nodded in his direction but he had already returned all his attention to the papers in front of him. She didn't know why there were tears in her eyes, but here were and it was getting hard for her to hold them back. She turned to face the cabinets as water spilled down her cheek. She didn't want to turn around because then he would see her tears so she stayed in the same position with her hands gripped tightly to the counter for support.

Her grip grew tighter as the strength in her legs slowly vanished. She hadn't noticed her swaying until Lucas's hand steadied her. "Hey…you alright" she looked to find genuine concern all over his face.

"I can't do this anymore…it's too hard and it hurts too much." The tears were falling hard as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. She pulled back from his grasp with red eyes.

"You're gunna be fine Peyt…I promise you that you'll get through this…I'll make sure you…" she cut him off as her lips captured his in one gentle motion. Her lips parted just enough to allow his tongue entrance.

"Peyton…" he whispered her name as he reluctantly pulled away from her.

"I don't wanna be that scared anymore…I don't wanna feel so alone Lucas…"

"Then I won't let you…" he picked up her lips again before hoisting her on his waist and carrying her upstairs. She fell back into his bad as he hovered over her. "Are you okay" he questioned…his eyes never leaving hers. She nodded in response but he shook his head. "I need you to say it" he was close enough to feel the heat from her body,

"I'm okay" she whispered firmly before smiling up at him and letting him take over.


	25. Chapter 25

Peyton stirred slightly before opening her eyes. She smiled sadly as she felt the warmth of Lucas's body against her back. Tears burned in the back of her eyes as she spun around to face him. He stared down at her, a smile playing on his lips. She closed her eyes and inhaled the scent from his shirt that she was wearing. When her eyes opened again he was still gazing at her. "How long have you been up?"

"About an hour…" he pulled her closer as his hand slipped under the shirt and onto her lower back.

"I'm sorry"

"Don't be…I like watching you sleep" his smile grew but soon fell as he watched tears slip from her hazel eyes. She tried to smile as she bit her bottom lip and her brows furrowed. "Hey…what's wrong" he removed his hand from her back and cupped her face, his thumb wiping away the tears.

"nothing…" she shook her head and let out a small laugh as more tears fell.

"Pey…" he leaned down as placed a small kiss on her lips before resting his forehead against hers.

"Would we be here if things were different?" she closed her eyes tightly for a second before continuing. "I mean…if I wasn't sick would you have even given me a chance…would we be laying here with your arms around me…would I have ever been able to see my daughter again?" she inhaled deeply as she looked into his eyes, searching for some kind of answer.

"I don't know Peyton…" he looked down at her with sympathy etched in his features.

"Luke…I don't want you to pity me…you're not obligated to comfort me because of what's going on…" she tried to pull away from him but he pulled her closer until his lips captured her. He waited until he felt her body real before pulling away.

"But I want to." They locked eyes as more tears creped through. "This isn't about pity or me feeling obligated to you. I wanna be here. Pey if things were different and you weren't sick…you wouldn't be here and neither would Alex. And if things were really different then you never would have left Tree Hill to begin with. You would have been here and I would have been able to hold you every night. But things aren't different Pey. I'm here with you because I wanna be here with you. Mistakes are made and we can either deal with it or spend our time holding grudges. I want our family to be together and if that means putting the past away then I can do that. I want us Peyton not because my mind says it's the right things…but because my heart does. After everything that's happened I never stopped loving you. I will always love you."

Her arms found there way around his neck as she buried her face into his neck. "I'm sorry" she whispered as he held her tighter.

"Don't be…" he kissed the top of her head as he closed his eyes.

"Daddy..." Lucas looked over at the door and smiled at his daughter as she stood quietly with her teddy bear in her arms.

"Morning beautiful…come on." He watched a smile spread across her face as she ran towards the bed and crawled on. Peyton spun her body around to face her daughter.

"Hey you…" Peyton pushed the hair away from Alex's face and tucked it neatly behind her ear.

"Why are you crying…" Alex leaned forward and wiped the tears from her mother's face just like she used to.

"Don't worry about it…they're happy tears." Peyton briefly shifted her gaze to Lucas who returned the smile she had formed. "Come here" Peyton pulled back from Lucas and patted the empty space between them. Alex gladly crawled over Peyton and laid between her parents. "I love you" Peyton dropped a kiss Alex's head as Lucas replaced his arm on Peyton's waist again.

**This is not the end yet**


	26. Chapter 26

**Okay...so there is absolutely no limit on the amount of times I need to apologize for waiting this long to update...-I am really really really sorry-...from writer's block to way too many ideas for other stories, I kind of just neglected this one...and everytime I read the last chapter I coulnd't think of anything and I chose to just leave it becasue the way I ended 25 could have been the end of the whole story...but it's not. I went to post this on another board and wound up reading the story all the way through and something just clicked and I wrote an update...finally...lol. So please don't kill me becasue I know nothing I could write is worth the wait and I promise to never wait this long again before updating this story...but this is not waht you wanted to read so, without further ado...I give you Chapter 26!**

It's been two months since she admitted that she was scarred and lonely. Two months since she lay in bed with her daughter tucked safely between her and Lucas. Two months since her first _real_ family moment. Now she's sitting in front of her vanity…the one that's been moved into Lucas's room…just like the rest of her things. She ran her fingers through her thinning curls. Her hair was getting darker now…she was told not to dye it anymore because of the radiation…not that she had the energy to do it anyway.

Lucas and Alex had gone grocery shopping about half an hour ago…she hadn't slept well the night before so he told her to stay home. She didn't argue with him…just thanked him before climbing back into bed. But sleep wouldn't come so she had showered and gotten dressed. Her skin was slowly getting paler each day, her face had turned a ghostly white with the exception of her slightly flushed cheeks. She gripped her brush tightly as she ran it through her hair. She held the brush in front of her and bit back tears as she glanced at the abnormal amount of hair that was tangled in the bristles. She ran her fingers through her hair again and couldn't stop a few tears from escaping when she looked at the strands of light brown hair clinging to her hands. Her arms hung limply at her sides as she dropped her hands into her lap.

"Hey" the quiet voice caused Peyton to look up, and through her mirror she saw a girl she hadn't spoken to and had barley seen since the day she collapsed in the hospital parking lot. Haley offered a friendly smile that Peyton didn't return. Instead the blonde hung her head low. It wasn't that she didn't want Haley there…she wasn't mad at her or anything, just distressed. She was also slightly hurt that it had been over a month and Haley had made an effort to talk to her.

"I completely understand if you're pissed off and you hate me now, but Nathan said I needed to come over here and see you…that I needed to talk to you." The brunette played with her hands as she bit her bottom lip. "So he called Luke last night and asked him to take Alex out of the house today and this morning he dropped me off and left…so now I'm here. And I have so much I wanna say and so many things that I wanna know but I…I just don't know where to start…or if you're even willing to talk to me anymore." Peyton looked up to Haley with tears sliding slowly down her cheeks. The petite brunette was the only one she hadn't made amends with since her return. Nathan had hugged her, apologized and promised to be there for her when he helped Lucas move all her things into the master bedroom.

She closed her eyes and put her head back down. "So I guess I'll just do downstairs and wait for Lucas to get back" Haley gave a sad smile as she turned around and began walking out of the room.

"Guess what" Haley turned back around to find Peyton looking at her through the mirror, a forced smile on her face. "My hair is falling out" Tears burned in her eyes as she watched Haley's lips part slightly. The brunette walked over to the vanity and sat on the bench next to the thin blonde. The two girls looked at each other, Peyton's lips beginning to quiver. Her hazel eyes closed as she fell in Haley's open arms, tears sliding rapidly from her eyes and her body racked with heavy sobs.

It was a just under a hour later that the two friends found themselves laying side by side on the bed, both their eyes burning a bright red and water occasionally slipping form their eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't come by…I mean I should've been here for you and I wasn't." Haley folded her hands over her stomach and glanced quickly at the curly headed blonde.

"Haley I understand that you were still upset…and you had every right to be pissed off and mad at me. I'm still trying to get my head around how everyone else forgave me so quickly…" she shook her head and let out a heavy sigh.

"But I haven't mad for a long time Peyt…at least not at you. I was mad at myself for not knowing…and then as more time passed I got mad at myself for not sucking it up and just coming to see you."

"How were you supposed to know…"

"I've always been able to pick up on things…but something as big as this and I had know clue. I felt like I betrayed you in some way. I was supposed to be you're friend and I wasn't there for you through this…through any of it. I was too wrapped up in my own life and trying to convince you to come home or let me tell you about Lucas to notice that something was wrong…to notice that you needed me and I wasn't there. I spoke to you every week for three years Peyton…there's no way I should've missed this."

"Hales you can't pick up on everything over the phone…it's not possible." The two girls turned to look at each other, each with the same sullen expression on their face. "I went out of my way to make sure you never knew…about this or about Alex"

"That's the other thing I never got…I just can't fathom how you hid a baby and then a toddler every week. How was it that she never cried or never called out to you while we were on the phone? Do you know how hard I tried to pick up on the sounds that surround you during our conversations, just hoping that one of them would give me a clue as to where you ran off to. I was straining to hear something, anything…and I never picked up on Alex…not once did I even think I heard a little girl."

"She was either in her room or sleeping…I made sure you didn't find out about her…" they both stayed quiet for the next few minutes…two sets of eyes focused intently on the ceiling.

"I lied" it was Haley who broke the silence, causing Peyton to turn and look at her. "When I said I stopped being mad at you…I was still made after we all found out you were sick. It wasn't about the same things though…it was because you didn't trust me enough to tell me about anything. You were the only real friend I had in high school other then Lucas. I told you everything, I confided in you even when you were miles away. You were the one person that I could tell anything to…but you didn't feel like you could tell me about the two most important aspects of your life."

"Hales…I'm sorry. I never meant to make you feel that way"

"I know you didn't…but it still hurts Peyton…it hurt that you wouldn't tell me where you were…and it hurt when I found out that you had spent three years lying to me…that you fathomed this whole other life that excluded two major details and you fed me that lie over and over again."

"Haley…"

"And it hurt when you left…you didn't just leave Brooke and Lucas…you left me too. I remember the night of the away game and you gave me a ride home. The first time we hung out and I realized you weren't like the other people in that crowed. I also remember thinking that we were never gunna speak to each other again after that…like that night was a one time thing that only happened because you felt bad for me and because no one else was around to see popular Peyton hanging out with the tutor or Lucas's little tag along. But then that day when you actually spoke to me in school…Peyton I was so excited because I had a friend that wasn't Lucas or the guys from the River Court. I was finally gunna be able to do all the things girls were supposed to do in high school. As childish as it was I was looking forward to sleepovers where we could watch movies, pig out on junk food and gush about who we thought was hot. And I knew that you already had a best friend…that you and Brooke probably did that stuff every weekend, but I would've been happy being able to just do that once with you. I couldn't exchange make-up tips with Lucas, or get fashion advice from him…or trade clothes or any of that other girly stuff that I wanted so bad and never got because my best friend was a guy…a great guy that I wouldn't trade for the world…but a guy nonetheless."

"I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry…I never really thought about it like that Haley. I would've loved to do that stuff with you too…but everything just happened so fast…I fell for Lucas…he got with Brooke…the cheating happened…then Brooke found out and then two days later I found out I was pregnant. I went to tell Lucas and Brooke was telling him that she was pregnant. It was just too much for me to handle...too much happened in less than two months for me to deal with. The night I left all I was thinking about was making sure I didn't completely ruin Luke's life by telling him that he had two children on the way, by two different women. So I pushed him and Brooke together and after I did that I didn't have any one to go…I couldn't put that on you…it wouldn't have been fair. And what was I gunna do when I started showing and people started asking questions…I couldn't ask you to lie for me…to lie to your best friend. I would never have asked you to carry a secret like that…to know I was carrying Luke's child and expect you to talk to him everyday and never be able to tell him…so I left. It wasn't because I didn't trust you Haley…I did trust you and that's why I kept in touch with you…why you were the only one I stayed in touch with…I mean other than Nathan who found out when you moved in together. Aside from Amy, Hales you were my best friend for those three years, and even before I left, I started to consider you one of my best friends…there were things I could talk to you about that I would never be able to tell Brooke without her judging me. Brooke didn't take things seriously back then…it was just the way she was…I was just as excited to have you as a friend Hales…don't ever think that I wasn't." She watched as the petite girl turned to face her with a small smile gracing her features.

"That's really good to hear…" she wiped the tears from under her eyes before turning back to face the ceiling. "So how are you…I know its probably a stupid question…but…"

"It's not a stupid question and to be honest I'm not doing so well. I can't talk to Luke about it because it hurts too much…its hurts him and me. I can't go to Brooke because she refuses to believe that anything is wrong…she's convinced that this is all going to just go away soon and I couldn't bear to break her hopes like that. They both think everything's okay and its not Hales. No matter what medication they put me on or what treatment they try…nothing ever works."

"I'm sorry…I can't even imagine what you're going through. I mean I know how hard this has to be…"

"No you don't…I mean I'm glad and I pray that you never understand how I'm feeling…but you don't know how hard this is…" They turned to look at each other again.

"You're right…I may know that it's hard…but I don't know how hard and I don't know what you're feeling. I just…I wish I could help you…"

"I'm just so tired of trying new treatments…of getting my hopes up when they start working, only to have my body to reject one after the other, time and time again. I'm not sure if I can do it anymore" she hadn't admitted that to anyone before…that everyday she was thinking more and more about giving up.

"Things will start to look up soon Peyt…they've got to"

"But that's the thing…they don't have to look up. A long time ago…when I first got sick…I came to terms with a concept that none of you seem to be able to grasp…I'm dying…the treatments don't work for me and if they don't find something that does work soon…Haley…I'm gunna die."

"Don't say that" Haley shut her eyes tightly…no matter how right Peyton was, the brunette refused to admit it…one of her best friends was not gunna die…at least not anytime soon.

"But it's true…let's be realistic about it…I mean…what is denying the inevitable really gunna do to help things." The petite girl had no answer…she knew ignoring the facts was only going to make things harder for everyone. She wanted so badly to be as optimistic as Brooke and Lucas…but she had always been a realist, this time was no different.

"Just don't give up, okay" She turned to face the blonde who kept her focus on the white ceiling.

"This is why I let her go Hales…I never wanted her to see me like this. It's the only reason Amy agreed to bring her here. God I was such a mess and I swore to myself that I would never let Alex see me this far down. I didn't come back here to stay and I hate Amy for making me stay. For forcing me into the same position I was trying to get out of. I only came back to see her…to keep my promise of coming back to see her…so I could say goodbye. I was supposed to spend some time with her and then leave…"

"Peyt…" the blonde sat up and rested her back against the headboard.

"No…you don't know what it's like to know your mother is dying and to have to sit there and watch it happen…to watch as the life slowly drains out of her…I didn't want Alex to go through that. I just wanted to make sure she was okay and then I was going back to Virginia and I was done with the endless treatments the just gave me and Amy false hope. But then things just went crazy…no one was ever supposed to know that I was here…that this was happening…I just wanted to see her." Tears were spilling rapidly from her eyes now and at some point Haley had sat up and managed to pull Peyton into her arms. It hurt to here those words leave her friends mouth…to know that she had really given up…that two months she had been ready to die.

"I'm sorry" it was all she could say…there were no words that could make this any better. Her eyes drifted towards the door…to the pair of pained blue eyes that belonged to her best friend….the boy that was holding a sleeping blue eyed blonde in his arms. He hadn't heard their conversation, just Haley apologizing for something. But seeing the girl he loved in so much distress hurt him more deeply than he thought possible. He closed his eyes and let out a deep breath before continuing down the hall towards his daughter's room.

He lays her body gently in the bed and removes her sneakers. His hand moves to her face and he moves a strand of hair behind her ear. "I love you" he has tears in his eyes as he bends down to drop a kiss on her forehead. He retreats out of the room, making sure to close the door quietly behind him. He walks back to his room…their room…to find Haley leaning against the doorframe. He lays a hand on her shoulder, startling her a bit.

"She cried herself to sleep…or maybe she passed out, I really don't know." She's grateful when he pulls her into his arms and she gladly lets her head fall against his chest. "It's been a long morning…"

"I know" he can feel her shaking her head against him.

"No…you have no idea" the dry laugh that escapes her lips is sad. She pulls away from him and motions for him to follow her downstairs. Ten minutes later the life long best friends find themselves in the kitchen, each with a cup of coffee in their hands.

"Are you glad you two talked…" he placed his mug down on the counter and glanced over at the brunette.

"Yeah…we just got a lot of things out in the open." She bit her lip as she traced the rim of the mug with her finger. He knew his best friend…all her nervous ticks…the things she does during conversation when she has something she really wants to say but really doesn't wanna say all at the same time.

"Haley…" his brow is arched when she looks up at him with a heavy sigh.

"What are you gunna do Luke…"

"What do you mean…do when…"

"When Alex comes home from school one day and Peyton isn't here"

"I'm gunna tell her where Peyton went"

"Stop being a smartass…what are you gunna say when your little girls comes home looking for her mother and she's no where to be found. When she comes home to find you and me and everyone else sitting in this very room crying…how are you gunna look her in the eye and tell her that things are suddenly different."

"I'm not gunna have to do that" his words were starting to sound bitter as he looked down at the marble counter he was leaning on.

"What if she's the one to find her…she goes into the room one morning and climbs in the bed and grips Peyton's shoulder but she doesn't wake up…what if…"

"Damnit Haley…will you just stop…that's not gunna happen…none of it is ever going to happen."

"But what if it does…what are you gunna do Luke." She had tears in her eyes again. His eyes were full of anger.

"Stop with the what ifs…"

"SHE'S DYING LUCAS" she hadn't meant to raise her voice, but she didn't know how else to get through to him. "Peyton is dying…and you can't wait until she's barley breathing in a hospital to realize that.

"We're all dying Hales" He looked at her as if she was the most naïve person in the world.

"Lucas…"

"She's not dying anytime soon…I have years…decades to come to grips with the fact that Peyton is going to die…that I'm going to die."

"I get that you love her, and I don't want her to go anymore than you do….but the truth of the matter is that she might not be here in a few weeks. For all you know Lucas, she might not wake up from the sleep she just fell into. One day you and Brooke both have to understand that…Nathan gets it…its why he was so adamant about me coming over here today."

"Haley…" he shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"She's tired Luke…she's…you can see it in her eyes…she's just genuinely tired…it's a scary fact…but its still a fact. She…" she stopped when he pointed his finger sternly in her face.

"So help me God Haley if you say another word about this…" he spoke through gritted teeth, trying desperately to keep his voice down. "She is _not_…do you hear me…_she is not going to die_" He dropped the half full mug in the sink, ignoring the sound of the shattering ceramic as he walked out of the kitchen, leaving the red eyed girl to cry silently.

Her eyes eventually shifted from her coffee to a familiar picture sitting on table in the hall. She didn't need to move any closer to see the details of the picture she had seen countless times before. It was an enlarged version of the photo in Alex's locket. Peyton with her arms wrapped tightly around the small blonde as she kneeled her at what appears to be a park. It was unnerving how different Peyton looked now…she hadn't even looked like the picture when she first showed back up in Tree Hill. Once again Haley couldn't understand how she didn't notice the extreme difference…it should have been hard to miss…it should have stood out from the first moment Haley saw her. She couldn't help but wonder if she had noticed…if she had know all along that something was wrong and was just too angry to actually care.

It's been two months since she admitted that she was scarred and lonely. Two months since she lay in bed with her daughter tucked safely between her and Lucas. Two months since her first _real_ family moment. They haven't argued…so everyone just assumes they've become a happy little family. They don't realize that her laughs are empty and her heart is broken. They can't see that her eyes are blank and cold like a porcelain doll, or that she's drained physically and emotionally. They can't see that she's given up, that she's truly tired, a tired that no amount of sleep is going help. No one realizes that she completely torn…torn because part of her prays that one morning her eyes just won't open and part of her knows that she never wants her daughter to grow up the way she did…without a mother. And then there's another part of her that breaks every time she's about to pass out, or when she gets violently sick and has to spend half and hour on the bathroom floor…when she sees the pain, concern and love in his eyes, etched on his face. Its those moments when she finds strength from somewhere deep down inside of her because she knows she can't leave either of them…they both need her. But that strength that she pulls from the depths of her soul is slowly fading away and she's not sure what she's supposed to do when it runs out. She doesn't know what she's going to do when she has to look them all in the eye and force the truth down their throat…when she has to make them understand that they'll have to go on without her.


	27. Chapter 27

"Hey P. Sawyer" the blonde glanced up from her position on the bed just as Brooke ploped herself down at her feet.

"You seem happy" Brooke shrugged a let a small noise escape her lips.

"No more than usual…you on the other hand look more…blaah than usual" Peyton rolled her eyes before turning her attention back to the TV. She wrinkled her brows when Brooke grabbed the remote and turned the television off. The blonde tried to reach for the remote only to have it held out of her reach.

"Brooke…" the brunette just raised both brows and set the remote aside.

"And I know something has to be wrong…"

"And why is that…"

"Because Lucas called me and asked me to come over here…now I know we're on better terms now and we're doing good with the whole civility thing, but picking up the phone and actually asking me to come see you surpasses being civil." She watched her best friend sigh and fix her gaze towards the window. "He's really worried about you Peyton…I don't know what happened but it had to be something big for him to turn to me for help."

"Nothing happened…he went shopping and then Haley came over and we talked…I went to sleep and when I woke up he was back. We haven't even had a real conversation today…he's been busy grading midterms and I've been up here watching TV."

"Where's Alex?"

"She went to spend some time with Nathan and Haley…its been a little while since it was just the three of them."

"Oh…well something had to have set him off…what…I don't know."

"Neither do I…" it was the truth…Peyton had no idea about the argument between Haley and Lucas. Things had seemed to be normal when she woke up, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe he had noticed how distressed she looked…how tired she was and how stressed she was getting. But like she told Haley…she couldn't talk to Brooke about the things she wanted to…her best friend was living in denial…she was in a world of her own where everything was going to turn out alright.

"So how has everything been…good I hope" She was determined that everything was going to be alright…she couldn't lose her best friend…she refused to. She never admitted it to anyone, but Peyton was all she had. Sure she knew a lot of people, but she considered all of them acquaintances. Peyton was the only one she considered a friend…the only one she's ever really considered a friend. She had left her job and moved back to Tree Hill for the girl she considered a sister. She would go to any lengths to take care of the one person who was always there to take care of her. She didn't know how she would survive if she lost Peyton…it's why even thought she knows things aren't looking too good, she refuses to show it…to let anyone know that everyday she's slowly starting to lose hope.

"I'm okay…just a little tired is all" I wasn't a complete lie…she was feeling better than this morning…she just omitted the fact that her hair was falling out. She didn't want to hear Brooke try and convince her that everything was going to be okay…she didn't want to hear that it was just a side effect of the chemo…that her hair would grow back in time.

"Alright…well I'll head out and let you get your rest…I'll call you later" Brooke sat up ad pulled her fragile friend into a tight hug…one that they both needed.

"Bye…" she watched as the brunette waved and walked out of the room, once again leaving her by herself. She let her body relax onto the bed as her head began to pound. She closed her eyes when the sever wave of nausea hit her. It was one feeling she never got used to…she could take the dizziness and exhaustion…she could even handle the increasing migraines, but having her stomach twist and knot for an hour straight always bought her to tears.

"Mommy" Peyton shut her eyes tightly as she forced herself to sit up. She bit back tears as she sat up...the room spinning so much she couldn't focus on her daughter.

"Hey" her voice was barely audible. She tried desperately to see her daughters face clearly, but the more she tried, the harder it became.

"Can you help me with my homework" Alex could tell something was wrong…but at her age she didn't know how sever the situation was…how hard it was for her mother to stay sitting up…to do her best to appear normal.

"I…" she wanted so badly to say yes…to be able to do the things she supposed to do with her daughter…but she could feel her eyes starting to roll and her body swaying. Her breathes were quickly growing more raspy as the arm she was using to hold her body up began to shake. "Can…can you ask your dad…"

"Okay…" she could hear the disappointment in her little girl's voice and it broke her heart. She waited until she heard the stairs creak before she let her body collapse back into the sheets. She could feel her body jerking as her stomached continued to tighten. She allowed the tears to leak form her closed eyes as she curled herself into a small ball on the center of the bed. Every muscle in her body was aching…her ears ringing…heat radiating from her skin even though she felt cold as ice.

"Daddy…can you help me with my homework" Alex walked slowly up to the kitchen table. Lucas lifted the small blonde onto his lap. Lucas glanced down at the paper before smiling down at Alex.

"Sweetie…this involved coloring and drawing…I'm sure your mommy would love to help you with this" He watched as the small hgirl shook her head no. He frowned as he waited for her response.

"She told me to ask you…she doesn't feel good again" Lucas stood up and set Alex back down on the chair.

"Tell ya what…how about you get started…and I'll be back to help you in a little while…sound good?" He watched her bob her head before he started towards the stairs. He was worried…Peyton always pushed the pain aside when it came to Alex…something had to be wrong…very wrong.

He raced up the stairs and into the bedroom to find Peyton shaking on the bed, beads of sweat lingering on her skin. He quickly sat down beside her and began rubbing her back as he always did, but this time she flinched.

"Don't…" it was always comforting when he rubbed her back, but this time it just hurt…she couldn't bear to be touched…to have any amount of pressure on her body. Even laying on her side was causing her pain, but she couldn't sit up.

Tears were streaming rapidly down her flushed cheeks. She moaned lightly when he placed his hand against her forehead. Her skin had turned cold but the moisture continued to form on her body. "Peyton…"

"Luke…it hurts" her voice was small, but that pain that was carried with each word was heavy. He reached over her body quickly and grabbed the phone.

"Hello…"

"Nate I need you to come get Alex"

"I'll be right there…" He hung up as soon as he heard the words leave his brother's mouth.

"Luke…I…I don't wanna go…I…" She was scared…her could see it in her bloodshot eyes. She never wanted to go to the hospital…but he couldn't blame her…he never wanted to go either and wasn't the one who was asked million question and got stuck with needles repeatedly.

"Peyt I'm sorry…" he lifted her gently into his arms and cradled her body against his as he proceeded out of the room. He reached the bottom stairs just as Nathan and Haley came through the front door.

"Luke stay with Alex…Nate and I will take Peyton to the hospital…" Haley prayed that he would just let them take Peyton.

"Haley…"

"Luke…Alex is gunna need you here and there's nothing you can do at the hospital but wait. She may be young but she still gets upset and worries when both of you just disappear. Stay here Luke…we'll call you as soon as we know anything" She was thankful when she watched Lucas let Nathan take Peyton in his arms. The younger Scott immediately turned around and walked back to the car. "I'll call you…" the brunette gave a small smile before leaving Lucas alone by the foot of the steps…worry etched in his features.

Haley climbed into the backseat with Peyton, letting the blonde rest her head on her lap. She had wanted Luke to stay with Alex, but both she and Nathan knew that Peyton didn't need anymore promises that things were going to be okay…promises that couldn't be kept.


	28. Chapter 28

They had been sitting in the uncomfortable hospital chairs for almost two hours, and still there was no word. Lucas continued to text Haley, but all she could do was say she didn't know anything yet. She knew it was driving him crazy, but there was nothing any of them could do the change it.

Nathan looked up as the door opened again, but it was a member of some other family that walked through. He was growing impatient, there had to be something…any kind of news. Was she stable, had her temperature gone down, had she taken a turn for the worse, did they need to call people to come to the hospital…anything would be better than sitting there and waiting. His head snapped back up at the sound of the door opening, and his body instinctively stood when he saw Dr. Collins, walk through. He was Peyton's regular physician, the one Amy had transferred all her medical history to.

The middle-aged man approached the anxious couple, his facial expression blank, not giving them the slightest indication as to what they should expect. So they prepared themselves for the worst as they laced their fingers together. "Lucas isn't here…" he was slightly shocked to see Haley shake her head…Lucas had always been the one to bring Peyton to the ER.

"Is she okay…can we see her" Haley gripped Nathan's hand tighter as she tried to settle her nerves. She had noticed the suit pants Dr. Collins was wearing, the straps of his suspenders hanging at his sides, his upper body covered by a shirt from a set of blue scrubs. She had seen him like this only a few times before, out of his long white coat, without a clipboard in his hand. He only appeared this way when he wasn't actually on call, when someone had paged him and had come in just for his patients…when something was wrong and the patient's actual doctor was needed.

"She's being moved up to the ICU as we speak" He watched tears spring to the petite brunette's eyes, he had only seen her a few times, never actually in the room with Peyton, just sitting in the waiting room when things had gotten bad. But he had always been able to tell that she cared, that she worried just as much as everyone else. He had seen people like her…the ones that weren't able to make it past the waiting room, usually because of some fight that had ensued, or some harbored feelings of guilt. It was good to see the change in Haley's demeanor, she had always been the one to stay back when he came out with information about Peyton, but now she was eager to see her friend.

"Why isn't she on a regular floor" Dr. Collins shifted his gaze towards Nathan, his mouth opening slightly but then closing again. He sighed deeply as he closed his eyes for moment.

"She's asking to see you Haley. I can take you up there now." He hesitated again before turning his attention back to the youngest Scott brother. "You might wanna call Lucas and have him come down here." And just like that all the effort Haley put into calming her nerves become worthless. Sure she had told Lucas that Peyton could take a turn for the worse at anytime, but she hadn't honestly believed that anytime would be the same day. She had been exaggerating when she told Lucas that Peyton might not wake up again…she just wanted to get her point across to him, make him open his eyes and realize what was happening…things were never actually supposed to turn out this way.

"Okay…" It was Nathan's voice that broke her out of her thoughts, she felt him give her hand a light squeeze before letting go. "I'll meet you up there when Lucas comes, alright" she absentmindedly bobs her head up and down before following Dr. Collins to the elevator.

------------------------

Her hazel eyes stayed focused on the wall in front of her. She had been staring at the same discolored spot for the past five minutes…thinking that maybe if she stared long enough…hard enough…when she averted her eyes she would be back in Lucas's room. Maybe she would even be back in her apartment with Amy and Alex…and if she really concentrated, maybe she would be back in her old room, she would still be in high school holding a positive pregnancy test in her hands; then she could redo everything…she would tell Lucas like she originally planned, and if she was really lucky she would never get sick like this. But when the room door opened and her eyes landed on a brunette with tear stained cheeks, she knew this wasn't some horrible nightmare…this was the hand life had dealt her, and she was receiving every bad card in the deck.

"How are you feeling" Haley walked quickly over to the bed, her hand instantly grabbing Peyton's.

"Better…just tired" her voice was weak as she blinked back tears. Her face had grown extremely pale, and the dizziness hadn't fully subsided yet, but she was feeling better then she had been earlier…at least physically. Haley turned back and watched as Dr. Collins walked out of the room, letting the door close gently behind him.

"Peyton what's going on...why are you not on a regular floor" The tears started flowing before Peyton had a chance to open her mouth.

"Everything's just so messed up. This wasn't supposed to happen…" she choked out in a voice that was barley above a whisper.

"What are you talking about…what wasn't supposed to happen." Haley waited anxiously, but the blonde didn't respond. The only noise in the room was the crying of the two friends. Haley didn't push her to talk, just sat back and waited until the blonde was ready to talk. It was ten minutes later that Peyton finally found her voice again.

"I might have leukemia" She watched the shocked expression that overtook Haley's features. "They're not sure…they're running test right now, but it's possible that it escalated"

"Oh Peyton…" she gripped her friend's hand a little tighter as she let the news sink in…she refused to believe that Peyton had cancer. Everything happening was already too much, they didn't need anything else to add to the pile.

"I'm not on any medication anymore." Her palms were throbbing, a dull pain starting to make its way through her limbs.

"What…why not…" the brunette's eyes had grown wide with the information. She could see the emptiness in the blonde's face…she had seen it earlier, and now it just seemed worse. She was tired of fighting, even when she tried it was nothing more than an impossible and never-ending uphill struggle…but Haley wouldn't let her go this easily. Sure she was more realistic than everyone else, but she couldn't watch Peyton just throw in the towel…she needed her to fight just a little longer. Maybe things would change and treatments would start working, but they would never know if she just quit. "Peyton you can't just give up like this..." she watched as Peyton shook her head, more tears seeping from her eyes.

"Haley it's not that…" she could feel her stomach tightening as her body involuntarily shuddered under the thin sheets. "I can't take anything…" she pulled her hand away and wiped roughly at her face, before resting her hands intertwining her fingers. She turned her neck and forced herself to look at the sulking brunette next to her. "I'm pregnant…"

Her voice was low, but as she watched Haley's lips part slightly, she knew the brunette had heard the words. Haley tired to speak…to find some kind of words that would provide comfort. Anything that would make the situation seem less hopeless, but all that left her mouth was a choked sob as she fell back into a nearby chair.


	29. Chapter 29

He walked quietly into the room. He could hear the two of girls crying from the moment he opened the door. His footsteps caused Haley to look up, and she hesitantly met his glistening eyes.

"I'm gunna go" her voice was hoarse as she turned back to the distraught girl in the bed. She hated to lave her, but Peyton and Lucas needed to talk. She gave Peyton a warm hug before walking towards Lucas and doing the same. "I'm sorry" she whispered into his ear. She knew that wasn't what he wanted to hear…but she wasn't just apologizing for the current situation. She was apologizing for the conversation they had earlier, because she never meant to speak this into existence…and she had wanted Lucas to come to grips with everything, but she never wanted it shoved down his throat.

"I know you two aren't exactly friends or anything…but please call Brooke" his tone was shallow, and she stiffened a bit at his request. She and Brooke were a far cry from being friends…but Haley knew that Brooke had every right to be there…Brooke had more right that she did. As much as Haley disliked the girl, she couldn't deny that Brooke had been with Peyton every step of the way…her grudge against the rest of Tree Hill came from the need she felt to protect her best friend. And that's when the thought hit her…and it hit hard…she disliked Brooke because of a high school grudge…she never liked her to begin with and then when she lied to Lucas, it just added fuel to the fire. But Brooke had changed…sure she proved to still be a bitch, but she had matured. Brooke had every right to despise her…after all, she had been a major part of putting Peyton in the hospital for over a week, sure being sick played a part, but stress was what made it act up, stress Haley had wanted to cause back then. So yes…Brooke didn't need to bend, they had given her a reason to not trust them…but Haley didn't have a reason to be angry with Brooke…not a single one. Peyton needed them both, and she was busy holding onto stupid high school hatred instead of mending fences with Brooke. If she didn't do it soon then the two of them were going to be dancing around each other the entire time Peyton was in the hospital, and the last thing the girl needed was the added stress of her two best friends fighting over who got to see her, a battle Haley knew she would lose every time. So as she pulled away from Lucas, she nodded her head and pulled her phone out of her bag. She gave one last wave to Peyton before dialing Brooke's number and leaving the room. The brunette sighed deeply and prepared herself for the argument that was bound to ensue.

Lucas watched Haley leave. He hated to do that to her, to put his best friend in that position, but Brooke needed to be told what was going on, and his number one concern right now was the girl lying in the hospital bed. He approached her slowly, watching as she struggled to keep her eyes open. "Hey" he buried his hands in his pockets as he spoke.

"Hey" fresh tears sprung to her eyes. She didn't know what she was supposed to say. She knew Dr. Collins had told him about the pregnancy, about the risks involved. What she didn't know was Lucas's reaction to this whole thing and a mumbled 'hey' wasn't telling her anything. His eyes were on the floor and she watched him closely, just waiting for him to say something. Five minutes passed before she dropped her head and let the tears fall. "Lucas…say something…please"

"What do you want me to say Peyton…I'm sorry…'cause I am…I really am…but I'm pretty sure you don't wanna hear that. That leaves me with nothing…I can't tell you what to do…" They locked eyes for the first time, both of them trying to fight of tears, only Lucas succeeding.

"Don't do that" she ran her fingers through her hair. "Don't put this all on me…it's not fair Luke"

"It's your body…I'm not gunna stand here and tell you what and what not to do." He stretched his arm toward her and slipped his hand into hers. He half expected her to push him away, but instead she gripped his hand tightly.

"I'm not asking you to make the decision…I'm just asking you to make it with me…it may be my body…but it's your child." She watched as the first tear inched down his cheek.

"Okay…" he closed his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to organize his thoughts. "If you keep the baby…"

"I could die…and the baby could as well. Their not sure if my body can handle the stress…my can barely provide for itself, let alone for someone else."

"So what do you wanna do?" he sat on the edge of the bed, his eyes never leaving hers.

"Lucas…please stop doing that…don't force me to do this on my own…to make a choice by myself. I don't care if it's my body…this effects you too and I won't be the one to make a decision like this."

"You want me to choose…I choose you…Peyton I choose you over a two week old fetus. You were getting better Peyton…your counts were going up…Dr. Collins just told me that…the treatments were working Peyton. I don't wanna just throw that away. If we go through with the pregnancy…it's possible that both of you could survive or that only one of you will…but it's also possible that I could lose you both and I don't wanna risk that. So if you're waiting for me to make a decision for you…than there it is." He didn't bother trying to stop the tears anymore…there was no use.

"I get that Lucas…I do…but…" she sighed and hung her head. "I don't know if I can get an abortion. I've never supported them…" He used his finger to lift her chin, leaning in and letting his lips graze over hers lightly.

"The circumstances are different Peyt. I support you 110 percent in whatever you decide, but I don't wanna lose you. If you give up the baby…you could always get pregnant again when you're better. But if you keep the baby and you…if you keep the baby and you die…you don't get another chance at anything…that's it."

"And I could give up the baby and die anyway. The first treatment worked…it worked for over a year…then it just stopped. The same thing could happen…I'm being tested for Leukemia…how…"

"Wait what" he cut her off as he let go of her hand and stood up. "You're being test for what?"

"Dr. Collins didn't tell you that" she watched him shake his head before burring it in his hands.

"How could you get Leukemia…I…" he let out a shaky breath as he ran his hands roughly over his face.

"It can happen…it's not that common, but what I have is a blood disorder and it can escalate into something worse…like Leukemia. Dr. Collins said all the soreness and extreme exhaustion may be symptoms." He looked up and through his tears he could see her struggling to keep her eyes open. There had been cases of people getting better during pregnancy…Dr. Collins had explained all that to him beforehand, but as he watched her fight to stay awake, watched as the machine next to her bed showed her heart rate steadily decreasing…he knew Peyton wouldn't survive the pregnancy…Leukemia or not, if she didn't get the abortion she and the baby would both die.

"Peyton…I know you don't wanna hear it but…" he moved closer to her, only to find her sleeping. She was exhausted, he had seen it when he first walked in…the crying and the talking had only worn her out further. He leaned down and placed his lips gently on her forehead. "…I'm sorry…for everything. I just wish I could take it away…that I could make it better for you" He kissed her forehead again, letting his lips linger a few seconds longer before he stood back up.

"Lucas…" he turned to the door to see Haley sticking her head through, her eyes still red and puffy from her previous tears. "I can't get in touch with Brooke…I tired a few times, but she won't answer her house phone, or her cell."

"Thanks for trying Hales…" he ran a hand through his hair, a deep sigh escaping his lips.

"Hey Luke…" he locked eyes with the brunette again, the tears silently falling down her cheeks again as he took a few steps towards her. "I'm sorry…I know it doesn't help or anything but…"

"I know…thanks buddy" he wrapped his arms tightly around her small frame. "I'm gunna let her sleep while I try to reach Brooke." He pulled back and watched Haley agree with a nod. As Haley walked further into the room and resumed her place in the bedside chair, Lucas let himself out of the room. He dialed Brooke's cell number and listened to it ring before going to voicemail. He wrinkled his brow when the same happened a second and third time. Brooke always answered her phone when he called, he always let her know what was going on with Peyton, so she kept the phone on her at all times.

"Hey Luke…" he looked to the side to find Nathan approaching him. "Haley told me what's going on…everything okay…or" the younger Scott wasn't sure how to phrase his question…of course things weren't alright.

"She's sleeping now…I guess we're just waiting for the test results." He shrugged and inhaled deeply. "Hey Nate…I'm gunna stop by Brooke's since no one can reach her…call me if Peyton wakes up"

"I will" Lucas nodded quickly before walking towards the elevator. It didn't sit right with him that she wasn't picking up. Brooke had pretty much devoted her time to taking care of Peyton, chauffeuring her back and forth to doctor's appointments, doing everything she could to make sure her best friend was okay, to make sure she was comfortable. Brooke had told him to keep an eye on Peyton before she left that afternoon…she had been worried…said that Peyton looked a little worse than usual…paler…more tired. If she had been so worried earlier…than why wouldn't she answer her phone?


	30. Chapter 30

He had been knocking on her door for the past five minutes. The evening air had grown chilly and his body was starting to shiver from the breeze blowing around him. He hadn't tried to open the door though. He had thought about it….Brooke's car was in the garage, and she always kept the front door open when she was home, but walking into her house uninvited somehow seemed wrong to him. Sure he and Brooke were getting past civility, but they were a far cry from being friends, from being able to just walk into each other's houses unannounced. Even Brooke knocked before coming into his house to see Peyton…granted she didn't always wait for someone to come and open the door, but she still knocked.

He was torn out of his thoughts when he heard glass shatter from inside the house. His hand found the doorknob and quickly turned him, relief and hesitation filling him when the door opened. "Brooke…" he called her name loudly but he was met by silence in return. As he propelled his feet forward, a muffled sob left the kitchen. A few steps later he was in the kitchen's archway, his eyes focused on the brunette sitting in a crumpled mess on the floor, her back against the wooden cabinet and her legs tucked oddly underneath her. Tears were streaking down her splotchy face as she looked up to meet his worried gaze. His eyes flashed to the open bottle of vodka on the island counter, then shifted toward the shards of broken glass around the bottom of the refrigerator, the clear liquid dripping from the door onto the ceramic tiles.

"I can't help her Lucas…" her distressed voice caused his attention to turn back to the disheveled brunette. "I keep trying…I keep telling her that everything is going to be okay…that she's going to get through this." She wiped roughly at her face with the back of her hand.

"She is going to get through this Brooke…" he voices was stern as he moved towards her.

"I'm not so sure about that anymore…what if she just keeps getting worse. She was so pale this afternoon and she looked so exhausted. I keep trying to deny it, but it's not working anymore. She could die Luke." Her hand pressed against her chest and her eyes shut tightly as her stomach knotted.

"She's not going to die. I really wish everyone would stop saying that" He was getting frustrated with everyone's pessimism. He refused to believe that Peyton wouldn't pull through this…she had to.

"But what if she does. She keeps telling me that's she's okay…that she's just tired…but it's not true. She's dying and I can't stop it Luke…I can't make it go away…I can't save. She's my best friend, she's always done everything to help me and I can't protect from this."

"Brooke…" he slid down next to her, instinctively pulling her body into his, her tears quickly soaking through his shirt.

"I can't lose her Luke…she's all I have. I'm not close to anyone in California and when I come back here no one ever notices me or they just don't care. It's like I've become this invisible person…but then Peyton came back and we picked everything back up…we were best friends again. She needed me Luke…for the first time in years someone needed me, someone cared about me, it actually mattered if I was around. I know it sounds really selfish, but I just can't lose her…I don't have anyone else."

He pulled her body close and opened his mouth but pursed his lips back together. He wanted to say that she had him, that she had Haley and Nathan too…but that wasn't exactly true. Brooke had been back in town for months now, and no one spoke to her except Peyton and Alex. He had only spoken to her about Peyton…and even that was only a few words. This was the first real conversation he had had with Brooke Davis since high school.

His phone vibrated in his pocket. He was tempted not to answer it, but the thought of it being Nathan or Haley with information was enough to make him unwrap one of his arms and pull her phone out. "Hello…"

"Hey…did you find Brooke"

"Yeah Nate I did…" the brunette hadn't bothered to look up, she just sat with her face buried against Lucas's chest.

"Peyton's asking for her…"

"Did Dr. Collins come back yet?" This caused Brooke to pull away from Lucas and focus her bloodshot eyes on him, her lips parted slightly as she waited for him to get off the phone and tell her what was going on. It suddenly occurred to her that she had no idea why Lucas had come over here in the first place…something must have happened…it must have been bad if he came to get her.

"No not yet…but she just really wants to see Brooke…"

"We'll be there soon…" he closed the phone and looked down at the tile underneath him, avoiding Brooke's questioning stare.

"What happened" she managed to choke out the words, not sure whether or not she really wanted the answer. Lucas forced himself to meet her tear filled eyes, but he couldn't seem to find the words. Brooke was already falling apart. How was he supposed to tell her that Peyton was back in the hospital…that things weren't looking good…that Peyton had just been given a serious dilemma…and on top of all that…they were waiting to find out if Peyton had cancer?

That's when it hit him for the first time…when he couldn't find a way to avoid that thought anymore…Peyton could die. She might never make it out of the hospital…and there's nothing he can do to prevent it.


	31. Chapter 31

The ride to the hospital was silent, only the dull lulling of the car's engine penetrating the tension filled air. The both sat facing forward, Lucas' keeping his focus on the road ahead of him…Brooke trying and failing miserably to keep her tears at bay.

Flashback

"What happened" she managed to choke out the words, not sure whether or not she really wanted the answer. Lucas forced himself to meet her tear filled eyes, but he couldn't seem to find the words. Brooke was already falling apart. How was he supposed to tell her that Peyton was back in the hospital…that things weren't looking good…that Peyton had just been given a serious dilemma…and on top of all that…they were waiting to find out if Peyton had cancer?

That's when it hit him for the first time…when he couldn't find a way to avoid that thought anymore…Peyton could die. She might never make it out of the hospital…and there's nothing he can do to prevent it.

"Lucas…" He blinked hard and looked down at Brooke's hand resting gently on his forearm.

"She's in the hospital again. But it's not the same this time, everything's up in the air and…she's in trouble Brooke" he met her worried gaze and immediately noticed the fresh set of tears spring to her eyes.

"What do you mean?" Her voice was small and hesitant. She was uncertain before about wanting to know why Lucas was looking for her, now she was positive that she didn't want to know.

"The doctor thinks that things might have gotten worse."

"How much worse?"

"They…she's being tested for Leukemia" he watched as the brunette tried to take the new information in, watched as she tried to form some kind of response but all she came up with was more tears and a look of pain etched in her features.

"I have to see her" the words came after a few minutes of silence, and she startled him when she jumped up off the floor and started towards the front door. He hung his head for a moment as he inhaled sharply.

"Brooke…" his voice was barley above a whisper and he wasn't sure whether she hadn't heard him, or if she had just ignored him.

"Please take me to her" she turned to look at him for a second before spinning on her heel again and moving toward the door.

"She's pregnant Brooke" Her fingers stayed loosely wrapped around the door knob, her lips parted slightly. Silence had overtaken them again until the overwhelming light headedness forced the brunette the inhale sharply.

End Flashback

"Thanks…" he glanced sideways as the mumbled word left the brunette's mouth.

"For what…" he looked back at the road, his eyes darting back to the abnormally girl next to him.

"For coming to get me, you didn't have to do that…you could've stayed with Peyton. She's means a lot to me Luke and I know that the two of us haven't really been on good terms lately, so you really didn't have to come find me, you could've just said screw you Brooke, and I guess I deserve that after the way I've treated you…it's just that…she's always been there for me and I felt like I had to protect her, like I owed her at least that…I still shouldn't have taken everything out on you though, it wasn't fair…" she stopped when she felt his hand laying gently on top of hers.

"It's okay. Granted I didn't know she was sick at first, but I still treated her badly when she came back. I'm glad she has someone like you Brooke, you're a good friend to her." He watched her smile lightly.

"Thanks for listening to me rant too. You didn't have to do that either and I guess I just really appreciate that you did anyway." She looked down again, that feeling of loneliness seeping into her stomach again.

"No problem…that's what friends are for right" she met his gaze and smiled again as he gave her hand a small squeeze before placing his back on the wheel.

"Yeah…" she fidgeted with her hands in her lap as she saw the hospital come into view. "You're good for Luke, and I'm glad she has you" he caught her gaze one more time and smiled to himself as he pulled into the parking lot. Neither of them was sure whether this actually meant they were friends again, or it just meant that they were through fighting, that they were a small step past being just acquaintances. It didn't really matter though, so long as the fighting was done, Peyton didn't need the stress and if either of them had learned anything over the past couple of months it was that life's too short to hold petty grudges, too short to be fighting with the people you care about it.

They both stepped out of the car and made their way into the hospital, the comforting feeling they had just found vanishing as soon as they passed though the doors. Brooke was both scared and anxious to see her best friend. She wasn't sure how to approach Peyton, but she knew she desperately needed to see her, need to make sure with her own eyes that Peyton was okay for now. Tension filled the air as they rode the elevator up to the ICU. Brooke had been so used to seeing Peyton on regular floors and when Lucas pushed the button for the ICU she had been ready to ask why they were going there, but she regretfully remembered why Peyton was suddenly in the hospital again.

The two of them stepped through the metal doors as soon as they opened. Brooke followed Lucas as he led her down the hall. They stopped and watched as Peyton lay in bed talking to Nathan, Haley not in there with them. The blonde had a small smile on her face as she spoke, she looked as though she wanted to laugh but couldn't. Lucas knocked lightly as he opened the door. The two of them watched as Lucas step threw, Peyton's smile noticeably brightening when Brooke walked in behind him.

"I see how it is…I'm not good enough for you anymore" Nathan put his hand to his chest in mock hurt.

"Hate to break it to you hotshot, but you never have been" Brooke quipped and she made her way over to Peyton's bed. Lucas chuckled lightly as Nathan scowled playfully at the other brunette. "Neither have you" She cocked her head to the side as she glanced back at Lucas who could only purse his lips together and raise a brow in response.

"Whatever helps you sleep at night" Brooke rolled her eyes as she sat on the edge of Peyton's bed.

"I haven't seen the two of you like this since…ever actually" Peyton wrinkled her brows. The closet they had come was in high school and even that was always overly flirtatious, never just playful banter.

"Would you prefer them fighting" Nathan glanced between Brooke and Lucas before settling his gaze back on Peyton.

"Definitely not." Her answer wasn't the least bit hesitant, but Nathan could hear her voice fading and knew she would be out again in a few minutes.

"Didn't think so." The younger Scott stood up from his chair and leaned down to drop a kiss on the blonde's forehead. "I'm going down to the café, then probably out to get edible food, but I'll be back later."

"Okay…" she suppressed a yawn as she smiled up at him.

"I'm gunna go call my mom and check on Alex." Peyton nodded in response and the two girls watch as the brothers left.

"Why didn't you tell me you weren't feeling good Peyt…I would've stayed with you." Brooke reached for her friend's chilled hand.

"I didn't feel this bad until after you left…I just wanted to sleep. But then I started feeling sick. I don't know how long I was curled up on the bed but before I knew it Alex was home asking me with help on her homework."

"So how are you really doing…I know it's a stupid question and all, but you never give me an honest answer, at least not a complete one"

"That's because you don't wanna know" the blonde sighed as she watched her best friend look down.

"Well I'm asking you now." Brooke tightened her grip on Peyton's hand as she waited for an answer she was sure she didn't want to hear.

"Honestly…I'm just tired Brooke…I'm tired of everything…of treatments that don't work and of everything going wrong. I thought things were bad before, but now they think I have cancer and on top of all that…I'm pregnant with a baby that I can't keep." Tears slipped slowly from her eyes, and she let them fall, too tired to use her free hand to wipe them away. "I'm exhausted, and I'm tired of hurting. I know that I have to get the abortion, but after that…I don't have to continue with the treatments…and I don't want to."

"Peyton…" Brooke's face was filled with shock as she listened to the words leave her friend's mouth.

"I can't do it anymore Brooke. My hair's been thinning for the past two weeks, but it started falling out today, it's coming off on my hands."

"Hair grows back Peyton…that's not reason to just give up" the brunette was almost shouting and the anger was evident on her face, but both girls knew it was only there to mask the pain.

"It's not really about that…it's everything. I spend most of day either in bed or hunched over the toilet. I don't wanna live that way anymore…I don't wanna die that way."

"And maybe the chemo will work and you won't die…"

"And maybe it won't and I will. Brooke without the chemo I'll just be tired, but I won't feel this miserable, I won't be in this much pain, at least not physically. It'll just be easier…I need this to be easier Brooke…please." The tears came harder even after she close her eyes. Brooke let go of her hand and crawled over her body before laying down on the edge of the bed, her head resting on Peyton's shoulder.

"Peyton, please don't do this. How am I supposed to be okay with this? You're asking the impossible of me…I don't know if I can just watch you give up…I don't wanna do that." She closed her eyes tightly as she managed to push herself closer to the blonde.

"Brooke…"

"How do I make this go away…" she was pleading, her voice cracking with each word, the tears falling harder with each jagged breath she took.

"You can't…" Brooke exhaled sharply as she bit her bottom lip, she had expected those words, but she had still hoped to hear something different. They both stayed in the same position for the next half hour, Peyton falling in out of sleep. Lucas had finished talking to him mom awhile ago, but once he saw Brooke lying next to Peyton he stayed sitting outside the room, Haley joining him a few minutes later.

"Brooke…I need you to do me a favor." She waited for the brunette to respond but nothing happened. "Brooke…"

"I'm listening…" her voice was strained and her eyes still burning with tears.

"I never realized how much I hurt Haley when I left Tree Hill…I wanna make it up to her"

"Okay…"

"She said that she never got to do all the girly stuff in high school, and I know it might be kind of late but I was hoping to do that with her now…tonight actually. One person can stay here with me tonight and I was hoping you could go get a few things and bring them back here and I could surprise her. I don't know exactly what you would bring, but I figured you were always good at all that girly stuff like slumber parties, so you would know."

"I'll take care of it."

"Thanks" Once again Brooke didn't respond to her, but Peyton hadn't expected her to. Brooke was hurting so she was finding a way to be distant while remaining as close as possible. Both girls were startled when Lucas came into the room, a small smile on his face. Brooke looked up when he first came in, but otherwise didn't acknowledge him. He walked over and sat in the chair Nathan had occupied earlier. He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently.

"The test came back negative" he said it all in one breath, a few tears glistening in his blue eyes.

"What…" Peyton stared at him disbelievingly, thinking her mind was playing tricks on her and she had heard wrong. She felt Brooke sit up next to her and both of them kept their gaze on the older Scott brother.

"Dr. Collins just called me…he's on his way over here now, but he said he wanted us to know that the test was negative…you don't have leukemia."

"That's the first bit of good news I've had in a while." Peyton breathed a sigh of relief, but good feeling was cut short when Brooke sat up and slipped off the bed.

"Yeah…well what does it matter anyway" She chocked out a sob before shaking her head and walking out the room leaving Peyton feeling guilty and Lucas in shock. The brunette fell back against the wall as soon as she was out of the room, her body slowly sliding down toward the floor. She sat on her heels, her elbows resting on her rent knees, and her tearstained face buried in her shaking hands.

"Brooke…" she looked up to meet Haley's worried eyes. "What happened?" Worry immediately filled Haley's body as she watched Brooke hang her head again. "Brooke…"

"She's giving up Haley…the test was negative but she's giving up anyway…and I don't think I can stop her…I don't think any of us can anymore. She's just done…and I really can't blame her…I can't be mad at her for it, but I don't know how not to be."

"Maybe she'll change her mind Brooke…but you can't change it for her. She's been fighting for along time, but it hasn't been for her, not because she really wanted to…she's been fighting and holding on for all of us, because we all need her. Peyton lost hope a long time ago, maybe good new will give it back to her, but it might not."

"Why are you so okay with this…" Brooke ran her hand through her hair before meeting Haley's gaze again.

"I don't want this for her either, but I won't fight her on it because she's miserable. None of us know how she's feeling, what all these treatments are doing to her…so how is it fair for any of us to ask her to keep going?"

"It's not…" she let her head fall back against the wall, tears slowly leaking down her cheeks.


	32. Chapter 32

"This…it's…" Haley shook her head from her position on the floor next to Brooke. She watched as the other brunette took her tear stained gaze off the floor and looked her in the eye, waiting for her to continue. "…it's sad and pathetic…I mean that Peyton's sick, she's been sick, and she needs us, but it took cancer to make us all stop fighting."

"Wait…where do you get off...saying…anything at all to me about that." Brooke's eyes turned cold as she immediately got defensive.

"Brooke…I'm not trying to blame you for anything…I'm not trying to start anything with you…I was just saying. Peyton's been sick, and still none of us could put stupid things from high school behind us and pull together when she needed us…I'm saying all of us our at fault."

"Why should I have befriend you…it's not like you were talking to her anyway. Honestly Haley, I'm shocked you came this close to her room, that you're not sitting in the waiting room because you're too…whatever you're busy being, to talk to her. So if you want to point the finger at anyone, point it at yourself." Brooke got to her feet, wiping the tears from her face. "God how stupid am I…I was actually sitting here talking to you like we were friends…"

"I'm not pointing the finger at anyone…I said all of us Brooke…that means all of us…"

"No Haley…you are pointing the finger…you're the one that couldn't put a grudge behind you…not me. Nathan and I don't talk…but we don't argue either so to be perfectly honest…Nate and I are the same exact way we were in high school. Lucas and I…we were civil to each other…we did our best not to argue around her, but there was a lot of history there…too much just shove aside over night…but eventually we did let it go. You wanna be mad at Peyton for just dropping off Alex without saying anything…fine…go ahead, but what the hell were you pissed at me about…because I hurt your best friend…news flash Haley…he hurt me too….but either way…I never did anything to you…you were the one that bit my head off the moment you saw me."

"I'm sorry…the same need you had to be protective of Peyton that day…I had that need for Alex. I didn't know why Peyton left…I just know that she did and that she lied to me for years only to drop Alex off on my doorstep and never call again. I was pissed at you because you were on her side…"

"No one else was…she was alone in this Haley. Sure she had Amy, but when she came home…there was no one on her side…" she buried her head in her hands, tears streaking rapidly down her cheeks. "It's no wonder she's giving up…she's been fighting for all us…not her friends…just a bunch of people who feel sorry for her…" Haley opened her mouth to protest, but stopped when she saw Lucas step out of Peyton's room.

"She just went to sleep…actually she cried herself to sleep…" his accusing gaze shifted down to Brooke. "She won't talk to me…and I'm not gunna push her right now….but you, what the hell was that Brooke, because from the conversation we had early, you're the last person I thought would upset her…"

"I didn't mean to upset her Luke…it's just…" she didn't know how to explain this to him, mostly because she didn't wanna be the one to tell him that Peyton was ready to call it quits.

"What…it's just what Brooke…" he was genuinely confused, he had tried getting Peyton to talk to him, to tell him what was going on, but she just turned away from him. Now Brooke was keeping quiet too. "Will someone please tell me what's going on…"

"She's tired Luke..." it was Haley that spoke up, she hated to be the one to tell him, but she knew Brooke wasn't going to do it. "I told you that before…I told you that things could get worse…we all knew this wasn't going to be easy…but we're not the ones going through it…so if it's this hard for all of us…just imagine what it's doing to Peyton…" She forced herself to look at him and she could see the tears building behind his eyes. "She's doesn't wanna do this anymore Luke."

"But the chemo could work…it has to work…" the desperation in his voice broke both of the girls' hearts.

"After the abortion…she's not going back on the chemo…" Brooke glanced at him quickly before shifting her eyes back to the floor. "I wasn't trying to upset her in there…but I wasn't expecting her to tell me that she was done. I mean we finally get a piece of good news, we find out that she doesn't have cancer, but it doesn't matter because she's ready to die…and she wants us to be okay with it and I don't how to be."

"No…Brooke that makes no sense…she…."

"Luke stop…" Haley cut him off as she got to her feet. She slowly walked up to him and hesitantly took his hand in her…the last time they had a conversation like this he had snapped at her. "…it's not fair to her. She 's been battling this thing for a while now, and it's been unimaginably hard for her. The chemo's just been making her feel worse…I don't like it, but I can't blame her for just wanting all of this to go away…"

"Unbelievable…" Haley's face contorted in confusion as she locked eyes with her best friend. "I didn't expect his from you…I mean, I knew you were pissed off about everything that happened before…about things with Alex…but why can't you just let shit go."

"Lucas…" it was Brooke that spat out his name in shock just as Haley retracted her

hand. She knew he wasn't going to like what she said, but she never though he would say something like that…that he would even think it.

"No…Peyton fucked up and Haley's always wanted her to pay for it. You hated her Hales…you wanted her gone the minute you knew she was back in town…it took a few months but apparently you found the perfect way to get what you want…" the blonde shook his head with a disgusted scuff before turning and walking back into Peyton's room.

"I get that he's upset, but does he have to be such an ass." Haley ran a hand through her hair as Brooke stood up next to her.

"He's hurting Hales…really bad. He can't face this, he refuses to even try…"

"Well he better start trying…I don't want anything bad to happen, but he's gotta be prepared if something does go wrong."

"But I think ignoring the gravity of the situation is what helps him get through the day…" Brooke wiped the tears from under her eyes as she glanced toward the room door.

"I know that, but she's stopping the treatment…he can't make her go through chemo…so he has no choice but to deal with this. No one wants her to give up, but we can't force her to keep going. She got sick…this isn't something that she bought on herself, so we can't tell her to just suck it up and push through."

"Why not…I know how tired she is of all this…but maybe the chemo will work after the abortion. This pregnancy had to be physically demanding on her…so without all the extra stress on her body maybe things will turn around and get better…she should at least give it one more try…"

"She doesn't wanna give it one more try Brooke…she's been giving it one more try and each try just seems to make her worse…" both of their voice has been getting steadily louder with each word.

"You know what…maybe Lucas was right about you…" Haley's jaw dropped and Brooke just glared at her. "What did you and Peyton talk about yesterday…she was still willing to fight this thing and then she has some eye opening talk with you and suddenly she's calling it quits and you want everyone to accept it…what happened Haley…did you start hinting at stopping the treatments…and then you told her what a great idea it was and how she had your support on this. Is that why you chose to talk to her finally…"

The shorter brunette had a heavy flow of tears falling from her eyes. She didn't want Peyton to die…that was the last thing she wanted to happen. She wished that all of this would just go away…that they would wake up in the morning and the anemia would magically be gone and they could live happily ever after….Lucas, Peyton and Alex could be the perfect little family they always should have been…everyone would be happy for once. But the problem was that neither of them had spent the morning listening to Peyton admit to how miserable she was. Peyton had only opened up to Haley…and as much as the brunette wanted her friend to stay strong and keep fighting, she had never see anyone as heartbroken and devastated as Peyton had been this morning. Peyton had been fighting, but there comes a point when you just can't fight anymore, a point when you don't have anything left in you, when you're hanging on for dear life but you've already lost all hope…and hope's what keeps people going, what give them the courage to get out bed in the morning, what can you expect from someone who's lost it, someone whose dangerously close to being dead inside.

Haley didn't have a response for the girl standing in front of her…first Lucas and now Brooke…how could either one of them think so low of her. All she wanted right now was to be in the comfort of her husband's arms, because even if it was for only a little while, he would make it better. She spun on her heel and made her way toward the elevator, she didn't know where Nathan was, but she just needed to get away from there.

"Haley…" Brooke called out as she watched the devastated girl walk down the hall…she hadn't meant to say those things…she just didn't wanna hear any of what Haley was saying, whether it was true of not. She had no clue what to do about any of this and so she lashed out at the first person possible, even if the retreating girl didn't deserve any of it. "Haley I'm sorry…" she called out, but the apology fell on deaf ears as Haley stepped into the elevator, her eyes staying glued to the floor. Brooke watched as the steel doors shut before she fell back against the cold wall, sliding back down into her previous position, her a waterfall of tears streaming from her red eyes.


	33. Chapter 33

Visiting hours had ended over an hour ago and neither Brooke nor Haley had come to say goodbye to her. Something pretty big had happened, that was obvious from Luke's distant behavior. Something was telling her that he was regretting what ever happened between the three of them, but he was talking about it, whatever it was.

She figured her plans for a slumber party were going to have to be put on hold, tonight just didn't seem like that right time anymore…everything had just gone to hell with her new decision.

"Luke…" she waited, waited for him to at least make eye contact with her, but he refused.

"So Brooke said something kinda interesting after you went to sleep…" so that's what it was…Brooke had let it slip and now he knew…he knew she was giving up.

"I'm sorry Luke…I wanted to be the one to tell you. But would it have made a difference if you heard it from me instead of her?" She watched as he finally looked up and met her gaze, tears already filling his blue eyes.

"No…it would still hurt just the same…I just don't get how you could quit like this. I know this is hard on you Peyt…I get that, I do…but the treatment was working, why not give it chance to keep working…a chance to make you better…" his voice was shaking as he grabbed her hand in his.

"I just don't wanna do this anymore Luke…I got sick right after Alex was born…6 years Luke…I've been doing this for close to 6 years…" she watched his face fall and she prayed the just maybe she was starting to get through to him.

"I'm sorry…" he didn't know what else to say to her. He had only seen her go through this for a year…not even, and that was painful enough…one year of seeing her like this had him asking where she found the strength to get out of bed in the morning. He just couldn't wrap his head around the idea of going through this 5 more times.

He was sorry, there was no doubt in her mind about that, but there was also no doubt that he was going to keep telling her to fight this. Lucas Scott was forever hopeful and she loved that about him, but she didn't want to argue with him, not tonight. "I'm tired Luke, I'm gunna go to sleep" She turned her body away from him and listened to the deep sigh that escaped his lips.

Any other time he would have slipped off his shoes and climbed into bed with her, but he could tell she didn't want that. And if hen was honest with himself he didn't want to wrap his arm around her, he didn't want her body pressed into his, he couldn't go through that knowing that she won't fight for herself, for him and Alex, knowing that she's done fighting for her family.

Peyton awoke the next morning to find Luke's arm wrapped around her waist, her back pressed comfortably against his chest. She knew she didn't fall asleep in that position, but she vaguely recalls him lying behind her a few hours later and whispering sorry in her hair.

"I screwed up yesterday…" she was startled when his voice penetrated the stillness of the room. Somehow he had always just known when she was awake in the mornings.

"What happened…" she snuggled in closer to him, desperate to smother that last bit of tension lingering between them.

"I said some things to Hales…I didn't mean them but I was so angry and I took it out on her. Peyt I think…I know I really hurt her."

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad Luke…" she couldn't imagine him being cruel to his best friend, it just didn't seem like the Lucas she knew, he was rarely cruel to anyone.

"I accused her of wanting you to die…I said she never forgave you for everything with Alex and that she was okay with you giving up because she wanted you gone…" his voice was cracking more with each word. She turned to face him, the shock evident on her face.

"Lucas…." She didn't know how to respond to that as she turned to face him. She wanted to find something to say, anything to let him know that things would be okay, that Haley would forgive him because that's just the type of person she is, but the only thing she could really think about was the severe wave of nausea coming over her.

Lucas watched her face pale and immediately lifted himself from the bed. He had seen it happen enough times to know when she was going to get sick, and from how quickly she was losing color and how shallow her breathing was, he knew it was going to happened soon. Normally he would have carried her into the bathroom, but they had her hooked up to a fetal heart monitor, so moving her body wasn't an option. His eyes scanned the room quickly before landing on the deep plastic bowl sitting on the far table. The nurses had giving them a bowl like that before when they had her on bed rest, the bowl was there just in case of nausea.

Lucas grabbed the bowl before quickly returning to Peyton's bed and lifting her into a seated position. Her hand clung to the blanket on the bed as she heaved into the bowl held in front of her. It always hurt when she got sick, but the pain that ripped through her throat was worse than ever. She wanted to scream as she latched onto Luke's arm, but no sound came out. Her nails dug deeper into his skin as the pain got worse. Lucas looked down at her trembling figure, worry etched in his features. Something was wrong, she had never been in this much pain so suddenly, he could see the veins in her arm from how hard she was gripping both the bed and his arm.

He watched her head tilt back and her lips quiver as they parted. The tears slipped down her cheeks just as she broke through the skin of his arm, small beads of blood now sliding down his arm. He should have been in pain, but he couldn't feel anything as he watched her body hunch forward again, watched the thick red liquid that poured into the bowl in his hand. She had to vomit again before his mind started working and he screamed for help, his free hand stretching to jam on the nurse's call button continuously. His eyes shifted between the closed door and the woman on the bed vomiting blood. It seemed like an eternity before the room door finally opened, the nurse's initial aggravation at someone jamming on the call button this early subsiding when she noticed the gravity of the situation.

Luke turned back to face Peyton, she only paused to moan in pain for about ten seconds before vomiting again. A second nurse came and took the bowl from his hand as she stood on the other side of the bed. It looked like someone had squeezed an entire bottle of food coloring into the bowl he had been holding, a deep bowl that was already almost full.

"You're gunna get through this…" He leaned his head closer to hers, his free hand running up and down her back. "You have to get through this…" he was crying now, tears sliding quickly down his paling cheeks.

"What happened…" Lucas took his eyes off Peyton when he felt a hand grip his shoulder tightly. He looked into Dr. Collins's eyes before shaking his head.

"I don't know…she was fine one minute and then she just got really pale. She always gets like that when she's gunna be sick, so I didn't think anything of it until the second time she vomited and it was all blood."

"Get her up to the OR now and page one of the one call surgeons. Let's move people…" Dr. Collins pried Peyton's finger away from Luke's arm. Lucas watched as they wheeled Peyton's bed out of the room and down the hall. He was about to follow them when he felt a hand on his shoulder again.

"I have to go with her…" he protested as he turned to face the man who had been caring for Peyton for the past year…the man who was about to him that he would have to stay in the waiting room.

"Lucas, you know you can't stay with her. You need to go get you're arm taken care of and then you have to go sit and wait." Dr. Collins took a deep breath before continuing, an apologetic looks in place on his face. "Lucas, I need your permission to abort the baby. It was uncertain before whether she would be able to survive the pregnancy, but now, she's too weak. Her body can't handle the stress from the pregnancy. With all the blood loss, it's doubtful that the baby will survive, but I need to let the surgeon know to only worry about Peyton. If we don't abort now, I'm almost positive that she'll die within the next 24 hours. I'm sorry to just put this on you but…"

"Do whatever you have to do to save Peyton" he didn't need to hear anything else…for him there was no other option. She was his Peyton…she had to survive this.

"Okay…now go take care of your arm…" Dr. Collins gave his shoulder one more squeeze before starting out the room.

"She's going to be okay right…you have to tell me she's going to be okay Sam." He was desperate, and he needed this man to tell him thing's were going to be fine.

"We're going to do everything we can" The older man sighed deeply as he turned back to face the heartbroken man standing dejectedly in the center of the room.

"That's something you doctors say when things look bad and you wanna give people hope…false hope…"

"Lucas…"

"What could happen…what do you not wanna tell me, because I'd rather you tell me now, then maybe I'll be more prepared…maybe I can get ready for this and I'll know how many people I need to call, because you don't look good…you make this look like it's really bad so I'd prefer if you just tell me…" the blonde made his way closer to the doctor, his hands trembling more with each step.

"She threw up a lot of blood Lucas…she's…we're gunna do everything we can…" he knew better than say anything different to the distraught young man in front of him. He needed Lucas to keep it together…if he told about all the problems Peyton was at risk for Lucas would fall apart at the seems, he would spend all his time freaking out, and after watching the young man for the past year Sam knew any more news of potential complications would most likely send Lucas over the edge and push him into some kind of nervous breakdown. "We're gunna do everything we can…" he repeated before walking out of the room quickly.

"Mr. Scott…" Lucas had been staring at the door that Dr. Collins had walked out of for the past five minutes, but he didn't notice the other man that walked through it until his name was called. "Mr. Scott…my name's Ian, I really need to take a look at your arm." Lucas nodded slowly before following Ian out of the room and down the hall toward the elevator.

Ian led Lucas down to the ER and watched as the mindless blonde sat in the unoccupied chair of the exam room. "Dr. Lewis is one of the best surgeons on the coast, that's whose operating on your wife, so she's in really good hands." Ian offered a small smile as he sat down to begin bandaging Luke's arm.

"She's…we…we're not married…" the tears continued to slip down his cheeks as he stared off into space.

"Oh…I'm sorry…" Ian whispered as he continued wrapping the bandage.

"It's okay…you didn't know…" his blue eyes glanced down at his empty ring finger and he couldn't help but wonder whether he'd ever have a band occupying that space. He sat there for the next few minutes waiting for Ian to finish. Lucas mumbled a quick thank you before walking out of the exam room and back toward the elevators.

His mind was racing with too many thoughts, but the one that kept coming back to him was having to call people. Not only did he not want to be the one to give out bad news, he was on bad terms with Brooke and Haley right now, and if Haley had said anything at all to Nathan about what happened in the hallway, he and his brother would be on bad terms as well.

He was broken out of his thoughts when his phone vibrated in his pocket. He hesitantly grabbed it and looked down at the screen to see Brooke's name flashing. He had no idea what he was supposed to say to her, how was he supposed to tell her that Peyton was in surgery, and that she might not make it out…how could he tell her that after all the blame and anger and pain that had been thrown around yesterday.

He slowly opened his phone and placed the receiver to his ear, still uncertain of what to say. "Brooke…"

"Hey Lucas…I know things were really awkward when we all parted ways last night, but I just got this really bad feeling. I know it sounds stupid and I'm just being paranoid, but how's Peyton? I mean, I know she's probably still sleeping 'cause it's early, but how is she…" the brunette was rambling and she knew it, but she had jolted out of bed this morning with this disturbing feelings that something was about to go wrong. She waited for Lucas to say something, but he stayed quiet causing her stomach to drop. "Luke…I am just being paranoid right…please tell that I'm just being paranoid."

"Brooke…I think you should come down to the hospital…" he didn't know how to tell her, but he knew he couldn't tell her over the phone. "…and could you call Nate and Hales…" his voice faded slightly with the last question.

"Okay…" her voice was light, and she wanted nothing more than to go to the hospital and check on Peyton…another part of her wanted to go crawl into bed and pull the covers over her head an wait…wait for all of this to just go away…wait to wake up from this nightmare, this horrible horrid nightmare she was having. But she couldn't do that…she would have to call Haley and Nathan and tell them to get to the hospital…then she would have to get in her car and drive to the hospital herself…she would have to be there for Peyton and for Lucas because she didn't have to see him, she could hear it in his voice and she knew that he was close to falling apart. "I'll see you soon Luke…"

"Okay…" he whispered before hanging up the phone and making his way up to the OR waiting room. It took less than fifteen minutes for Brooke to sit down in the chair next to him, her hand instinctively reaching for his and holding on tightly.

"Nate said that he and Hales would be here in a few hours. They planned to take Alex to a movie and they don't wanna scare her by just bailing to come here…" she turned her neck to look at him and watched as his neck slowly turned as well until her met her gaze.

"Okay…" his voice was still the same whisper, his eyes still glazed over with unshed tears that they knew wouldn't stay unshed for long.

"Okay…"she nodded once before they both turned to face forward, their hands still glued together…and that's how they stayed…two broken people trying to help each other cope….both of them drowning, knowing the other is drowning too, and yet still, they're trying desperately to use each other to stay afloat.


	34. Chapter 34

Two hours. Two long and excruciating hours. That's how long they had been sitting in those worn out chairs. The surgical waiting room had couches, and Brooke had to admit that sitting in these chairs was better than sitting in the ER's hard plastic ones. But if she was perfectly honest with herself then she knew that she would rather be curled up on Luke's bed watching sappy chick flicks with Peyton. That's what she was going to do…as soon as Peyton got out of this wretched place the two of them were going to spend an entire night eating junk food, watching their favorite movies, the ones they loved in high school, and they would talk about all the hot guys in those movies. She'd invite Haley to come too, that's what Peyton had wanted, to give Haley a girls' night in type thing. It would be good for the three of them to just hang out…it would make all of them feel better for a few hours, make things feel normal.

She looked to her left and watched as Luke stared at a spot on the wall, the same spot he had been staring at for the past hour. Maybe they would postpone the girls' night and just have a night in with Luke and Nathan as well. They could all use a spirit booster, a night to just forget.

"So I was thinking…when Peyton gets out of here….we should all get together and have a small party. You know…we could watch movies and order take out, reminisce about the past…you know just the 5 of us. And maybe the day after we could all go to the park with Alex or something, that way she feels included, or even just you and Peyton could take Alex to the park, that way you could have some family time." Their eyes met briefly and all he could do was offer a small smile and nod.

"Yeah sure…that sounds like a plan" he smiles again before returning his gaze to the discoloration on the wall. There's a part of him that wants to scream and yell at her. Peyton's in the hospital and she's planning parties. He's wants to yell that they don't have any memories together because there has never been a point when they were all friends…they've never been some close, tight knit group….they still aren't. He wants to point out that Peyton won't be able to handle a day at the park, she won't have the energy.

He wants to shake her for planning a party with her best friend lying on an operating table…but he doesn't. He knows that although he can spend hours staring at the same spot on the wall, she can't. She needs something to do, she need something to give her hope, so she'll put her mind to work and she'll plan a detailed party because it means two things…one…she doesn't have to think about her best friend being sick, and two…if she plans a party to happen after Peyton gets out the hospital, it means Peyton's going to get out of the hospital, that her best friend is going to pull through this. He knows this so he won't yell at her about party ideas.

"Lucas…" they both look up and set their focus on the men that just walked through the door. One they know, Dr. Collins, the other they've never seen before. They're both on their feet in seconds, trying to read the face of either man, desperate to know if they need to prepare themselves to hear the worst.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Lewis, I operated on Peyton." His voice is monotone and it's driving Lucas crazy, he needs to hear some kind of emotion, something to let him know what happened.

"Is she okay…she's gunna be fine, right?" They can all hear the eagerness in Brooke's voice, there's no denying it.

"There were some complications during the surgery. Peyton was suffering from a peptic ulcer. It developed in her esophagus from the constant vomiting, and this morning it perforated, which caused the bleed. She lost a lot of blood Mr. Scott and during surgery she went into MOF…"

"MOF…What's MOF?" Lucas glanced quickly at Dr. Collins before turning his attention back to Dr. Lewis.

"Multiple Organ Failure. It sounds worse than it is…I mean MFO is always bad, but it could have been worse for her. She had already lost over a quarter of her blood by the time she arrived in the OR. Her body went into shock and the majority of her systems started to shut down, including her heart. We did lose her on the table for awhile, but we were able to revive her and repair the hole in her throat. She's stable now…we're hoping to keep her off the chemo long enough to let her throat heal, that way the chance of her throwing up is lower. We'll keep her here for the next fourteen to sixteen days to monitor her and make sure that the ulcer starts to heal. Normally we would keep our patients in the hospital longer, but if you bring her in twice a week so we can check how she's doing, I'll allow her to go home a little early." Dr. Lewis offered a comforting smile towards both of the people across from him. During surgery, Sam had explained the medical and personal history of his patient. He felt horrible for everyone involved; they all seemed like good people, people who didn't deserve this.

"And the baby…" Lucas already knew the answer, but he felt compelled to ask anyway. He felt Brooke's hand tighten around his in support. It was a reflex, she knew Peyton planned on giving up the baby, but to actually go through with it, no matter how sure they were about their decision, the end result was bound to leave them both with some lingering feelings of emptiness and sorrow.

"The abortion went smoothly. It didn't further complicate anything, and hopefully when we start her back on the treatments, she'll start getting a little better again." Dr. Collins watched as both of their faces fell slightly, but he chose not to ask, whatever was bothering them would come out in due time.

"Can we see her…" Brooke waited anxiously and was glad to see the man in front of her nod.

"I'll take you up to see her…" They thanked Dr. Lewis quickly before following Dr. Collins over to the elevators. The ride up was quiet, no one having any desire to talk…too anxious and wrapped up in their own thoughts to worry about the awkward silence.

They stepped through the doors the moment they opened and followed Dr. Collins down the hall and into the room. It was the same room she had been in before, and a part of Lucas wished that they had switched what room she was in, because right now he kept getting flashes of her sitting up in the bed, vomiting blood. He shut his eyes tightly, hoping to block out the image, and after hearing Brooke's breath hitch, he kept his eyes closed out of fear that he would see something much worse when he opened them.

Brooke looked up to see Luke standing next to her with closed lids, tears sitting on his lashes. She reached for his hand and interlaced their fingers. She knew this was hard for him, and that it had only been getting worse by the day. The woman he loved was dying and he was at a loss as to what to do next, how to help her. And even if he could find a way to help, she wouldn't want it, she didn't want him to help her survive this, she wanted him to let here go. Brooke knew how hard it was to even comprehend the fact that Peyton had actually asked such a question.

He felt her grip on his hand tighten and he forced himself to open his eyes, he couldn't just stand like that forever. He immediately understood why Brooke had been so shocked…Peyton was unbelievably pale…ghostly pale, her lips were stained a vibrant red…she looked like a shell of the girl that had seen yesterday…the girl who was already a shell of her former self.

"I know it looks like a lot of machines, but it's not so bad. There's the regular IV stand with her morphine drip, the second one is holding the blood bag and over the next few days she'll have multiple transfusions to help replenish her blood supply, and the third stand is there for nutrients. Her throats gunna be sore for a while and she won't be able to swallow anything, so to make sure she's getting enough nutrition she'll be tube fed. As always, she's on a heart monitor, we're also giving her oxygen to help her breath easier. She did go into respiratory failure during surgery, and although she is breathing on her own, we won't be sure how comfortable that is for her until she wakes up."

"And when will that be…when will she wake up?" Lucas didn't remove his eyes from the blonde on the bed.

"That's up to her…it could be in a few minutes or a few hours…whenever the anesthesia wares off and she decides to open her eyes. Even after she wakes up, she'll spend the majority of her time sleeping because of the lack of energy. When she wakes up let me know, especially if she complains about her breathing." He laid a hand on Luke's shoulder quickly before excusing himself and leaving the three friends alone.

They made their way to opposite sides of the bed, each pulling up a chair and sitting impatiently beside the edge of the bed. Just as before they stayed in the same position, waiting, they didn't talk, didn't look at each other, just waited for over an hour.

Brooke was getting restless and her mind was starting to over analyze everything. She was thinking the worst, preparing herself for her best friend's death, mentally getting herself ready to watch her best friend just die right there on the bed in front of her. Maybe it wouldn't happen today, she'd have just a little more time, but eventually it was going to happen.

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and…"

"…wisdom to know the difference." Lucas finished with her as he looked up to meet the chocolate brown eyes across from him, his eyes leaving Peyton for the first time since entering the room. "I never pegged you for the religious type…"

"I'm not…I'm barely spiritual…but that verse has gotten me through a lot of things in my life, just repeating it sometimes clears my head and helps me to keep going, helps me believe that things are gunna be okay." She ran her free hand through her hair as her eyes swelled with tears. "I just really needed that right now…"

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…" Lucas smiled gently at the distraught brunette who gladly returned the gesture.

"…courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference. God, grant…" they repeated the prayer together, and the more she recited the words, the lighter her voice became and the more at ease she felt. But the moment she opened her eyes the suffocating feelings came straight back to her.

"I'll be right back….I need to take a walk or something." She pushed her chair away from the bed and stood up. She held her hair back as she leaned down and kissed her best friend's cheek. She stood up and closed her eyes with a small sigh before shaking her head and leaving the room. She wanted to believe she was strong enough for this, but times like now she wasn't so sure.

Lucas watched the room door shut before turning his focus back to Peyton. He leaned in closer to her, his lisp resting gently against her temple. "You have to get through this Peyt, I need you. You have to wake up…you…you have to fight this…please" the tears rolled slowly down his cheeks as he kissed the side of her head lightly. He felt the small amount of pressure that was applied to his hand a few minutes later, and he quickly lifted his head to find green eyes staring back at him. "Hey…you're up." He smiled gently.

"Hey, what…" her throat was burning, it felt like it was being torn in two. She couldn't even finish her sentence, her voice had vanished after a couple of words.

"Don't try to talk too much." Lucas whispered in her ear after placing a kiss on her cheek. "There was an ulcer in your throat and it tore, so you're gunna be a sore for a while." He watched her nod slowly. "You scared the hell out of me this morning, Peyt." He pressed his forehead lightly against hers, a small smile on both their faces.

A knock on the door jarred them away from each other, and they looked towards the door to see Haley sticking her head through timidly. The auburn haired girl locked eyes with Lucas before shifting her gaze down to the floor.

"Sorry. I'm glad to see that you're okay Peyton. I…I can just come back later or something…" she offered a sad smile before taking a step back.

"Haley…" she looked back into the room to find Peyton staring at her. "The jackass next to me has something to say…" her voice was barely audible but she forced it out anyway, she was determined to get the two of the to talk. They both watched as Lucas bit his bottom lip and continued staring at the floor. "If you don't go talk to her I'll start throwing up the rest of my blood…" she smirked in his direction only to have him glare in return.

"That's not funny." His voice was stern and she only rolled her eyes in return.

"He's right…it's not funny" Brooke commented as she appeared in the doorway behind Haley. "And you have to get out anyway because I need to talk to Peyton…" Brooke walked back to her place by the side of the hospital bed and watched as Lucas reluctantly stood up and dropped Peyton's hand.

Lucas walked up to Haley, an apologetic smile already in place on his face, but it did nothing to stop the tears from forming in his best friend's eyes. Haley turned on her heel and walked slowly out of the room, Lucas following closely behind her. "Hales…I'm so sorry." He watched her turn to face him, the tears already sliding down her cheeks. He's not sure why, but he wasn't expecting the harsh sting that came from the brunette's hand slapping his face.

"That really hurt Luke…you're supposed to be my _best friend_. How could you think something like that…how could you think so low of me." She had to restrain herself from yelling because of their location. Last night the things he said had just hurt her, but now she was angry with him.

"I know I was wrong…I was really wrong…"

"You were down right cruel Lucas…I get that you're hurting and that it's hard for you…but you have no right to take it out on me." The anger in her voice was evident despite the volume, and she watched as he stared down at his shoes. "It's hard for me too Lucas…I'm hurting too…but I'm not running around biting people's heads off because they say something I don't wanna hear."

"Haley I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry…I really am. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do…I don't know how to handle this and you do and I hate you for it sometimes. I hate that you know how to let her go, because I don't. I don't' know how I'm supposed to sit back and watch her die…I can't do that…and I'm pissed off at her for giving up, but I can't yell at her, I won't. I tired to ignore it when Brooke told me what Peyt had decided, but you wouldn't let me, you tired to reason with me, and the thing is I don't want anyone to reason with me…you can try to rationalize this as much as you want but I already know I won't see it the way you do, and the more you unsuccessfully try, the more frustrated it makes me. It's simple to me…I don't want her to die…that's it…it might be selfish, but right now I don't know how to be anything different." He shook his head and walked past her and further down the hall.

"Luke…" she called out to him lightly and watched as he turned back to face her, the tears falling harder from both of their eyes.

"I'm scared Hales…I'm scared…" She walked up to him and threw her arms around his neck, his own arms sliding around her back.

"Do you think they'll be okay…" Brooke questioned quietly as she and Peyton both looked over towards the closed room door. Peyton smiled and nodded before staring back at Brooke. The brunette offered a small smile but couldn't stop the tears that welled in her brown eyes. It didn't take long for those tears to break free and creep down her face. Peyton opened her arms the best she could and Brooke slowly but gladly crawled onto the bed, her head resting lighting against her best friend's chest. "I'm sorry about yesterday…."

"It's okay…" her voice was starting to go again, she could feel it and heart it.

"I love you…and I don't like it, I don't want it, but I get it…and I think that's why it hurts so much …" Peyton squeezed Brooke's shoulder lightly. She didn't know how to respond to that…she's not sure if she's supposed to respond to the admission. She hates the thought of hurting her best friend like this…the thought of hurting any of the people she cares about. She had heard what Luke said before she woke up. How was she supposed to give up and tell him to just deal with it.

"Why is that when I get sick, you're the one that needs comforting?" she was glad to feel Brooke laugh against her. Granted, a joke might not have been the most appropriate thing at the moment, but it did get rid of the miserable suffocating silence that had overcome the room.

Brooke reached for Peyton's hand and squeezed it lightly. "P. Sawyer…I'll be okay…I promise that I'll be fine as long as I know that you're okay…whatever that means." She would get through it, eventually she would start to feel okay without Peyton around.

"I love you Davis…and thank you…but I can't do it…he…he's not ready for this…" she pushed through the pain in her throat, she need to get this out despite whatever she was feeling, it was too important to her.

"I'm not ready for this…I'll never be ready to let my best friend go and he'll never be ready to let his heart go, but we have to do it anyway. Whatever you do Peyt…just make sure you're doing it for you and no one else…because you've been doing this for us for a really long time but you don't have to anymore, because you don't owe it to anyone." She hated herself for saying that, for doing the same thing she had yelled at Haley about yesterday, giving Peyton permission to die.

"But I do…I owe it to my daughter Brooke…I owe it to her to try because if I can prevent her from feeling the way I felt growing up then I owe that to her." The tears were coming on strong as she gripped her best friend's hand as tight as she could. "So I'm gunna give it one more try…I just…I need you to be there with me…I can do this if I know you're gunna be there…" her voice was gentle…fragile even. She was terrified about doing all of this all over again, about constantly feeling tired and sick. She was ready to just get rid of those feelings, but she couldn't, not yet.

"I'll always be there…we're all gunna be there." Brooke could hear the strain in the blonde's voice, the struggle she was going through, both physically and mentally. She hates herself for telling her it's okay to die, and for telling her that it's okay to keep fighting, fighting for everyone else.


	35. Chapter 35

"Peyton…" Nathan walked up the stairs as he called out Peyton's name for the third time. Lucas had called him and asked if he or Haley could stay with Peyton for awhile…something had happened down at the school and he couldn't reach Brooke. Nathan had agreed to come over and now he was wondering where Peyton and Alex were. It wasn't until he walked into the master bedroom that he heard heavy breathing and whispering coming from the bathroom. He frowned when he saw Peyton on her knees, rocking back and forth with her head cradle in her hands…Alex rubbing her mother's back.

"Everything's going to be okay mommy…" Her small hands continued to rub circles, even after Nathan rested his hand on her shoulders.

"Alex…why don't you go downstairs and watch some TV…I'll stay up here with your mom…" She bit her bottom lip, hesitation obvious in her eyes. "I promise…" he watched the tiny blonde nod and slowly get up and leave. He sat on the floor next to Peyton, her body still rocking as tears slid slowly down her face.

"This…" she forced herself to sit up, despite the fact that it made the room start spinning. Her hand reached out and her thin fingers latched onto Nathan's pant leg to steady herself. She took a deep breath before pushing herself up onto her feet, using everything in her to stay standing.

"Peyt…" he stood up with her, his hand reaching out to her, but she pushed it away.

"This is why I sent her down here….why I left her here." She took another deep breath, desperate to surpass the nausea. "It's a problem when a four year old has to comfort her mother…there's something wrong with that Nathan…there's something wrong with my little girl sitting on the bathroom floor holding my hair back."

"Peyton…I…" he watched the tears cascade down her check and he knew they weren't from any physical pain she was feeling. But he didn't know what to say to make it better for her…he knew what she was saying was right.

"She shouldn't know how to do that Nathan. When it became a recurring thing I made Amy bring her down here because I didn't want her to see me like this. Taking care of me is not her responsibility…it should be the other way around…I'm her mother…I'm supposed to be taking care of her…I'm should be the one telling her that everything's gunna be okay. And everything I tried to keep away from her…all of this…" her gestured around the bathroom with her arms before walking over to the sink and pulling open the door to the medicine cabinet. "…and all of this…." She pulled all of the prescription bottles down, the two of them watching as the fell to the floor, rolling all over the bathroom. "…she's right back in the middle of it." Nathan stepped closer to her, and when she pushed him away he only kept moving closer to her. "She's six year old, and when I should be driving her to play dates she's rubbing my back because I'm getting sick again…and instead of playing in the back yard she stays up here and lays in bed with me…." Her fingers were curled into fists as she beat weakly against Nathan's chest. He let her continue to hit him until she finally gave up and collapsed against him, it was then that she let him wrap his arms around her.

"I'm sorry" he whispered as he gently kissed the top of her head.

"I'm so tired Nathan…" it was few minutes later that the words left her mouth, and her voice made it obvious to him that she was physically and emotionally drained. They stayed in that position for the next few minutes, her breathing eventually evening out, indicating to him that she had cried herself to sleep. He hated to see her this way…to know that there was nothing he could do to make any of this better for it. No one deserved to go through something like this…but to watch Peyton fight through all this even thought it was painfully clear she just wanted to give up…it just made this whole thing harder.

Nathan's never been one to show emotion…closed off and defensive…for the most part, that's how everybody's knows him, but as he stands there cradling the barely there body of one of his closest friends, he can't stop the few tears that slip down his cheeks. This isn't fair…that's the only way he can think to describe this situation…unbelievably unfair.

They can't take Peyton's pain away without causing pain for everyone else…not that they're not all in pain already. But they're all still clinging to some sense of hope, and that hope makes the pain just a little bit more bearable. To lose the blonde completely…it's just not something they even want to think about.

He lifts her into his arms, his legs carrying him to the bed so that he can lay her down and hope that she gets some decent sleep. He knows from Lucas that she usually doesn't sleep through the night, and even when she is asleep, she's restless and wakes up just as tired as before. He exits the bed room slowly, the sound of cartoons hitting him as soon as he starts descending the stairs. He would love to know that the little girl he's come to love and adore is unaffected by all of this…to know that at least she is carrying on with her life, being a normal kid. But the scene he walked in makes it impossible to pretend that she's untouched…truth is, she's right in the middle of it…and because she's got both Lucas and Peyton's blood coursing through her…in the middle is exactly where she'll stay…doing whatever she can to help. He wants to smile at her giving personality, but he can't because Peyton's right…Alex shouldn't have to give this way…it's just not fair.

Alex's head shoots up at the sound of her uncle coming into the living room. She's on her feet before he can even sit down, the cartoons on television and dolls scattered around the floor quickly forgotten. "Can I go stay with mommy…" He bends down to lift her into his arms, a forced smile forming on his lips.

"Mommy's sleeping right now…besides, whose gunna keep me company down here. I wanted to make a sundae, but I won't be able to eat it all by myself…I thought you might wanna help me…but…" He can see in her eyes that she's internally debating with herself, something no six year old should be doing.

"Can we use chocolate ice cream…and lots of sprinkles…" Her eyes light up and he knows from experience that she plans to add heaping spoonfuls of sprinkles. He's not a big fan of sprinkles…never has been…in fact he whole-heartedly dislikes the little multicolored oblong chalk like things that tend to get caked in his teeth…but he always sucks it for her, and although he usually cuts her off after two spoonfuls, today he'll let her put as much on as she wants.

"Sure we can…" he carried her into the kitchen, setting her down on the stool, simply because he doesn't know when Lucas will be getting home, and he's been yelled at more than enough times by his ex-girlfriend, older brother, and his wife about putting her on the counter…only Brooke agrees with his belief that nothing's wrong with little kids sitting on countertops in these situations.

"Can I use the scooper" he can't help but laugh at her enthusiasm as he hands her the metal ice cream scooper, her feet swinging back and forth as she waits impatiently for the ice cream and a bowl. Four scoops, some chocolate syrup, whipped cream and what he's sure is hundreds of cavity inducing rainbow sprinkles later, the duo are happily digging into their messy concoction that will have one of them bouncing off the walls.

"Whatcha' thinking about…" he questions a few minutes later when he notices that her smile has suddenly fallen.

"When is mommy gunna get better?" He nearly dropped his spoon when the words left her mouth. This was the last question he was expecting to answer today…this should have been Luke's job.

"She…I don't know sweetie…" everything in him screamed to just tell her soon…to just lie and say that Peyton would be better really soon. But he couldn't bring himself to lie to her. If he could promise her that her mother would get better soon he would…but it's a promise he can't keep and therefore refuses to make. The more he thinks about it, the more he realizes that it's probably a good thing that she didn't ask Lucas…without hesitation he could have swore to her that Peyton would be better in no time…and then god forbid something horrible happened…Alex would most likely hate him for breaking that promise.

"Oh…" the small sound that left her lips and her downcast eyes told him that his answer was definitely not the one she had been looking for. They finished their ice cream in silence instead of chatting happily the way they usually did. He took the empty bowl and two spoons over to the sink, the urge to lie to her and promise everything would be alright getting stronger with each passing moment. It was times like these that made him wish Alex wasn't so perceptive…wish that she was one of those kids that automatically took I don't know to mean soon, not really soon, but soon enough.

He had to suppress a sigh when he turned around and found the small blonde with watery eyes, a single tear sliding down her cheek. "Come here…" he lifted her off the stool and her arms immediately went around his neck, her face buried in his shoulder. "I'm sorry princess…" he hated to see her cry, she was too young to be hurting like this.

"I want mommy to feel better now…I don't want her to be sick anymore…" her voice was muffled but her still understood her.

"I know…" there was no doubt in his mind about why Peyton had sent Alex to Tree Hill…even though Amy was around, for four years it was the mother and daughter against everything…she didn't want their good memoires tainted by her illness. Whenever Alex thought of her, she was supposed to have happy memories, not painful ones…they were supposed to bring a smile to her face, not tears. There's a small part of him that can't help but wonder if Peyton's original plan of coming to see Alex and then leaving had been a better idea. He can't help but wonder if maybe then Alex wouldn't be hurting as much. Would it be better for the little girl to not see her mother, but think she was off getting better somewhere…or to have her mother around, but have to watch things progressively get worse?

"Hey princess…you wanna know a secret..." he watched her lift her head, his fingers rubbing away the tears on her cheeks. She waited expectantly…she always did love secrets…and she was good at keeping them…she thoroughly enjoyed knowing something other people didn't…it didn't matter if someone else knew she knew…as long as she knew. "You're gunna have a cousin in a few months…"

"Aunt Haley's having a baby…" the small spark in her eyes told him his assumption had been right. He may have been overly perceptive, but at six she was still easy to distract…and for Alex, there was no better distraction than a new secret…a relatively big one.

"Yup…and you're the first person who knows…but you can't tell anyone yet…okay princess…" He watched her nod before offering a small smile, one which he gladly returned.

"Okay…I promise…" She kissed his cheek gently, something she does every time she gets a new secret. "Uncle Nathan…"

"Yeah…"

"Can I go lay with mommy now…" He had to stop himself from tensing at her request.

"Sure sweetie…" he pressed his lips to her forehead before setting her down and watching her start towards the stairs. Times like now he really wished that his six year old niece wasn't so perceptive…that her mother and father hadn't raised her so well…the she wasn't more mature, kind hearted, and selfless than most adults he knew.


End file.
